‘Did you get an idea of who it was? ’ He asked later, when I had finally stopped crying. I shake my head; my bottom lip was still quivering.
‘She just jumped, why did she jump like that and with a baby?’ I whisper. He strokes my face, making soothing noises telling me it wasn’t real, but I knew it worried him too. I had never felt so close to him as I did then.
‘Perhaps I’m putting too much pressure on you, to y’know, trance.’ I didn’t give him the chance to say any more, as I kissed him, my sobs catching in my throat. We melted into the long grass and my body coiled round him. The fleeting image of the girl falling brushed briefly once more over my consciousness before it was gone. Bliss had taken over, the warmth of his body and lips, his chest pressing against me, every feeling I imagined before but better. For some reason, today, I wanted more of him, and he responded to the urgent pushing of my body. Something fluttered inside of me, moving from my toes up to my heart and I had no doubt that I was feeling his very soul. We clung together like we had known each other all of our lives and this time I didn’t have to click file and store. The memories of this moment were imprinting on us both.
After what felt like an eternity, Hawk drew back tracing my face with his fingertips. It made my entire body tingle and I sighed, blushing at how loud it was. I heard him chuckle.
‘You are truly a gift from Gaia.’ He whispered in between soft kisses. I stretched happily underneath him, curling my toes. It felt like my life had only just begun and for the first time I looked forward to our future together.
I don’t know whether it was the breeze that picked up, triggering like an alarm but his eyes seemed to cloud over. Deep furrows ploughed through his forehead, and I wondered if he had read my thoughts again. Doubt flashed like beacons at my stupidity. Why couldn’t I keep my dreams of the future to myself, especially with a mind reading boyfriend?
‘What’s wrong?’ My voice sounds desperate and we both sit up.
‘Have I said something wrong?’ I repeat. I’m trembling now, and it feels like an eternity before he twists round to face me. His face is tortured, and I notice how his jaw seems to flex. He is tense, tenser than I’ve ever seen. Before I can say anything more, he grabs me. I feel like he is trapping the air in my body.
‘Nevaeh, I can’t ever lose you.’ His voice is hoarse, and I stare at him in confusion, almost wanting to laugh. My fear dissolves, and I grin.
‘I feel the same way Hawk.’ I whisper leaning forward to kiss him. He pulls away, looking at me.
‘I’m serious Nevaeh, promise me, you won’t try to trance on your own or…’ he falters, looking round as if he has been called. A stronger breeze brushes over us and I immediately hug my knees, pushing away the panic. He seems distracted as he pulls me up.
‘I have to go, promise me that you won’t go anywhere tomorrow, except for school.’ My heart starts to pound.
‘Hawk, I don’t understand – what’s wrong?’
But I can tell he’s already far away. A shriek from above catches my attention and I frown – it’s huge.
At the garden gate, he kisses me hard, telling me not to worry.
‘When I find out more, I’ll let you know. I promise – don’t worry.’ He calls not waiting for an answer. But I do worry; I’m confused and hurt although I can’t really figure out why. I couldn’t believe how quickly everything had changed, and I thought I was the moody one. I glance up at the sky, the clouds have returned.
At least tomorrow is Friday; and hopefully we were going to see each other. The thought of not seeing him, even one day, felt awful. I turn back, ignoring the audible click of the garden latch and pull it open hopefully, but he’s gone. Another screech from above makes me jump and I back into the garden, watching in fascination at the way the large red tailed bird rides the thermal above my house. I think about how perfect it was earlier, and anger crept in. Why did he have to change everything? As I walk towards the house, I look behind me one more time, wishing he’d changed his mind. The shadows from the trees remind me of the woman, and the fine hairs on the back of my neck prickle. That’s when I run.
Hosts
THE NIGHT BEFORE
I climb the steps, aware of the cool marble beneath my feet. I can feel the sheer white material on my body and in my hand I carry a bowl of what looks like earth lining the bottom. I feel confused by this; my last memory of the temple was of horror. Somehow, an impression that this is different calms me down. That my body isn’t my own makes it easier as I climb in slow and even steps. As I walk, I become aware of a line of white garmented figures next to me. I can’t see them properly. The host body that I’m part of refuses to turn. I can only gain a sense that in dress and purpose, we are all similar.
As we stand in the entrance to the hallway, I’m aware of the enormity of space. I imagine mortals walking for days and finding no ends. I feel my host kneel as she places the bowl of earth on the floor. Even with my head bowed, I know we are being watched. I’m surprised when my body obeys and allows me to look at the bowl next to me. Inside, images of rippling waves and crested sea foam sweep against the sides. My host knows her; the name forms in my mind, as Galatea turns and smiles. Her milky skin is offset by her hair, which hangs like chains of foam down her back. I smile back and feel like she is welcoming an old friend. She turns her head to stare in front of her before holding her hands in front of her. Sounds of tormented oceans roar out of her, from the darkest depths to the surface. I know she is their messenger, their goddess and I hold my breath looking ahead into the vastness. Light flickers from deep inside the temple towards and then she is gone. The bowl remains. My host and I then turn to stare at the bowl of earth in front of me, watching peaks of mountains rise up and rivers twist round them. If I concentrate, I know I can see every tree, every creature that roams the earth. Mist covers the land and my hand flickers to my throat. I can’t breathe, the mist is poisonous and the stench of dead rivers, trees, animals stick in my throat. I feel like I’m going to be sick and gag. The screams of the unknown voices flow out of me and the pain is unbearable. I’m being torn into pieces, my body writhing in agony. I am the earth and the earth is in pain.
When the pain stops abruptly, it’s because my message has been delivered. I can feel the energy return to me and sense my host waiting expectantly. The entity inside the temple breathes, not in anger, like before, but like it did with Galatea. My host and I moan as we are enfolded in the ecstasy of an embrace.