Bounce
FRIDAY THIRTEENTH
I didn’t know what to feel today. I haven’t heard a thing from Hawk but was determined not to show it. Strangely enough I feel good, better than I’ve felt in a long time. The dream even helped. I look at Amber, she is busy texting like crazy on her mobile in the classroom, and when I look at her, she seems secretive. I frown, she’s been quite distant since Hawk and I unofficially hooked up. I had hoped she wasn’t feeling jealous or neglected. I was determined to make it up to her. As we walked out at break, I tried to catch up with her.
‘Hey you, have you got a secret admirer or somethin’?’ I ask. What I’m not expecting is the look of horror on her face.
‘As if,’ she half laughs. It sounds false and I pull at her arm.
‘Amber, is something wrong?’ She looks at me strangely, as if she wants to tell me something but then the shutters come down.
‘Just family stuff - nothing to worry about.’ She smiles, but I’m not convinced. She was trying too hard. Even at break time she seems withdrawn, but then everyone was like that today. Summer had forgotten Tidwell. Instead, all we got was the grey, gloomy sky reflecting onto a grey, gloomy school. Even Jo-Jo seemed quiet. I only noticed because she practically walked through me in the halls and I wondered if it was anything to do with Josh. I try to remember when I’d last seen him. We usually share science together, but that was on Thursdays -Thursday being my best and worst day. I pull my mobile out, looking for missed calls. There is only one unknown, and I wonder if it is Hawk’s.
I can feel my mood changing with Ambers, and the misery of knowing Hawk might not be waiting for me after school rises up. The tree above me seems to bend with the increasing wind and the first splutters of rain spill down cementing my misery. It is raining a lot lately and I swallow hard, trying to push down the sob that was building. What’s wrong Hawk, why don’t you phone me? I wished then, that I could magic my feelings away; I needed some of Puck’s magical flower juice that he used on Lysander and Hermia. It would be so wonderful to wake tomorrow and not remember him at all. A feeling of dread hits me, and I try to shake it off. Hawk was the best thing that had happened to me. I didn’t want to forget him. Andrea catches my eye, looking at me in concern and I look away, the tears threatening to spill again.
The rain is pouring sheets of water, forcing all the groups on the playing fields to move like one body. My Mum used to say it was heaven crying when it rained on a summer’s day, but it wasn’t sunny, hadn’t been since yesterday. The thought reminds me of the dream from last night. Dreams are meant to be symbolic, but there are so many of them, I’m starting to lose count. We herd like sheep towards the entrance, and I feel another flush of fear wash over me. I wish I knew why, I wasn’t being threatened, except maybe from colds. I look at Seth who is standing nearby, coughing into his shirt before wiping the sweat that has beaded on his forehead. Everyone seems dazed today, even Mr Harris. When he smiled at me, his eyes were half-hearted and weary.
‘Friday the 13th.’ A voice nearby said ominously. I looked over my shoulder, certain I saw the back of Josh’s head. He makes me think of Hawk, I wasn’t going to lose this one. If he doesn’t answer his mobile later, I will go and find him – he owed me answers. Only then does it strike me that I don’t know where he lives. I stare into empty space, realising that there were a lot of things about him I didn’t know. I had been so happy just being with him, that I never thought of asking. I felt sick and irritated with myself, he suddenly felt like a stranger again. Some guy I had met in the woods, for the last few weeks. It went against all of those warnings, we’re given at school. Anything could have happened to me and no-one even knew we had hooked up.
At home, after briefly trying him on the mobile, and putting it down before I could leave a message, I wandered to the woods. There was no one there, and I felt lonelier than I had in my whole life. Most importantly, I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread, like something was going to happen. I cried then, my dreams, Hawk, Jo-Jo and I felt close to breaking.
Back home, li’l Sis seemed in high spirits. Her large chocolate brown eyes lit up when she saw me. Even Mum was taken aback by her behaviour. We never really took to each other and deep down I knew it was my fault. Part of me was irritated at how quickly everything had changed. It only added to my misery. They finally had their own blood child, not like me.
‘Everything okay today?’ Mum asked looking up from her laptop. Her eyes drifted towards my hand that clasped the mobile like it was a lifeline. She was on the ancestors. com website, it had always been an obsession of hers. Mum had been taken into foster care when she was very young in Turkey and she had a young sister. Ever since I could remember, she has been trying to find her. I look at her and smile guiltily, tucking my hand and mobile under my arm. The silence between us was strained.
‘I’m seeing Jo-Jo’s Mum tonight.’ Mum let the words hang in the air, but I refused to pick it up. I nod. Jo-Jo’s Mum seemed to think of me as one of her own, at least she used to. Tonight of all nights, I didn’t want to hear how wonderful her daughter’s life was. I wasn’t in the mood. No matter how close we once were, I know that Jo-Jo would have justified her side to her mother. I flush in irritation wondering what I can do tonight; Hawk comes to mind again. My phone beeps, and I stare at it in amazement. It’s from Amber, and she wants to know if I can come over. For the first time, I’m more grateful tonight than any other night that we’re friends. I’m also doubly grateful that her Mum worked nights, another secret I kept from my parents. Alone time was exactly what I needed. Hope soared through me and I wolfed down my dinner and my Mum frowned.
‘For goodness sake Nevaeh, slow down, you act like you’ve never seen food before'. I felt flushed as both my parents looked at me suspiciously.
Dad opened his mouth but was interrupted by the sound of rumbling thunder. His dark eyes flickered back to mine.
‘You’re not planning on going out in this, I hope?’ This was a new question for Dad, for both of them. They were so used to me staying in.
I nod, concentrating on wiping my plate with a piece of bread.
I can feel Mum giving me one of her silent, ‘you never discussed this with me,’ looks. Frustration builds inside me then, and the mounting anxiety threatens to spill out. I had to go to Amber’s – it was the only way to find out about Hawk, but I couldn’t tell them that. They didn’t even know who he was. I look at Mum again, she looks tired and guilt pours through me. For the last few weeks, I haven’t spent any time with her.
‘Mum, fancy going for a coffee and window shopping tomorrow. Dad can look after the grump,’ I blurt.
‘Hey, don’t call her that, although she has been lately.’ Mum tried looking cross,
but she was beaming.
I still had to struggle to convince Dad not to drive me.
‘It’s only two roads away, five minutes walk – what can go wrong?’ He looks at me like he’s seeing me for the first time. I know why, I’m whining, something I’ve never done before. It was new for both of us. Amber saves me by phoning again in front of them. I leave five minutes later. I can hear the grump crying as I close the door.
The screaming from the wind makes me feel lightheaded, and I try to console myself that I’m making the right decision. Leaves sweep across the road and my eyes have difficulty adjusting to the blackness. I look up at one of the lampposts which are unlit, and judging by the lack of lights elsewhere, I gathered that we’d just had a power cut. I grip the mobile in my pocket, panic clawing at me. Where is he? Why isn’t he answering any of my texts? My anxiety is rising in tune with the screaming wind and rumbling thunder. I know it won’t be long before lightning follows.