The man was having none of it. She had received what anyone else would have considered a fantastic blessing, and she was complaining about it. He stormed out of the meeting while Janice was still trying to explain.
That man, of course, was Neil Fisk. Neil had had Janice Reillys name mentioned to him for much of his life, most often by people who were convinced his misshapen leg was a sign from God. These people cited her as an example he should follow, telling him that her attitude was the proper response to a physical handicap. Neil couldnt deny that her leglessness was a far worse condition than his distorted femur. Unfortunately, he found her attitude so foreign that, even in the best of times, hed never been able to learn anything from her. Now, in the depths of his grief and mystified as to why she had received a gift she didnt need, Neil found her words offensive.
In the days that followed, Janice found herself more and more plagued by doubts, unable to decide what the restoration of her legs meant. Was she being ungrateful for a gift shed received? Was it both a blessing and a test? Perhaps it was a punishment, an indication that she had not performed her duty well enough. There were many possibilities, and she didnt know which one to believe.
There is one other person who played an important role in Neils story, even though he and Neil did not meet until Neils journey was nearly over. That persons name is Ethan Mead.
Ethan had been raised in a family that was devout, but not profoundly so. His parents credited God with their above-average health and their comfortable economic status, although they hadnt witnessed any visitations or received any visions; they simply trusted that God was, directly or indirectly, responsible for their good fortune. Their devotion had never been put to any serious test, and might not have withstood one; their love for God was based in their satisfaction with the status quo.
Ethan was not like his parents, though. Ever since childhood hed felt certain that God had a special role for him to play, and he waited for a sign telling him what that role was. Hed liked to have become a preacher, but felt he hadnt any compelling testimony to offer; his vague feelings of expectation werent enough. He longed for an encounter with the divine to provide him with direction.
He could have gone to one of the holy sites, those places wherefor reasons unknownangelic visitations occurred on a regular basis, but he felt that such an action would be presumptuous of him. The holy sites were usually the last resort of the desperate, those people seeking either a miracle cure to repair their bodies or a glimpse of Heavens light to repair their souls, and Ethan was not desperate. He decided that hed been set along his own course, and in time the reason for it would become clear. While waiting for that day, he lived his life as best he could: he worked as a librarian, married a woman named Claire, raised two children. All the while, he remained watchful for signs of a greater destiny.
Ethan was certain his time had come when he became witness to a visitation by Rashiel, the same visitation thatmiles awayrestored Janice Reillys legs. Ethan was by himself when it happened; he was walking toward his car in the center of a parking lot, when the ground began to shudder. Instinctively he knew it was a visitation, and he assumed a kneeling position, feeling no fear, only exhilaration and awe at the prospect of learning his calling.
The ground became still after a minute, and Ethan looked around, but didnt otherwise move. Only after waiting for several more minutes did he rise to his feet. There was a large crack in the asphalt, beginning directly in front of him and following a meandering path down the street. The crack seemed to be pointing him in a specific direction, so he ran alongside it for several blocks until he encountered other survivors, a man and a woman climbing out of a modest fissure that had opened up directly beneath them. He waited with the two of them until rescuers arrived and brought them to a shelter.
Ethan attended the support group meetings that followed and met the other witnesses to Rashiels visitation. Over the course of a few meetings, he became aware of certain patterns among the witnesses. Of course there were those whod been injured and those whod received miracle cures. But there were also those whose lives were changed in other ways: the man and woman hed first met fell in love and were soon engaged; a woman whod been pinned beneath a collapsed wall was inspired to become an EMT after being rescued. One business owner formed an alliance that averted her impending bankruptcy, while another whose business was destroyed saw it as a message that he change his ways. It seemed that everyone except Ethan had found a way to understand what had happened to them.
He hadnt been cursed or blessed in any obvious way, and he didnt know what message he was intended to receive. His wife Claire suggested that he consider the visitation a reminder that he appreciate what he had, but Ethan found that unsatisfying, reasoning that every visitationno matter where it occurredserved that function, and the fact that hed witnessed a visitation firsthand had to have greater significance. His mind was preyed upon by the idea that hed missed an opportunity, that there was a fellow witness whom he was intended to meet but hadnt. This visitation had to be the sign hed been waiting for; he couldnt just disregard it. But that didnt tell him what he was supposed to do.
Ethan eventually resorted to the process of elimination: he got hold of a list of all the witnesses, and crossed off those who had a clear interpretation of their experience, reasoning that one of those remaining must be the person whose fate was somehow intertwined with his. Among those who were confused or uncertain about the visitations meaning would be the one he was intended to meet.
When he had finished crossing names off his list, there was only one left: Janice Reilly.
In public Neil was able to mask his grief as adults are expected to, but in the privacy of his apartment, the floodgates of emotion burst open. The awareness of Sarahs absence would overwhelm him, and then hed collapse on the floor and weep. Hed curl up into a ball, his body racked by hiccupping sobs, tears and mucus streaming down his face, the anguish coming in ever-increasing waves until it was more than he could bear, more intense than hed have believed possible. Minutes or hours later it would leave, and he would fall asleep, exhausted. And the next morning he would wake up and face the prospect of another day without Sarah.
An elderly woman in Neils apartment building tried to comfort him by telling him that the pain would lessen in time, and while he would never forget his wife, he would at least be able to move on. Then he would meet someone else one day and find happiness with her, and he would learn to love God and thus ascend to Heaven when his time came.
This womans intentions were good, but Neil was in no position to find any comfort in her words. Sarahs absence felt like an open wound, and the prospect that someday he would no longer feel pain at her loss seemed not just remote, but a physical impossibility. If suicide would have ended his pain, hed have done it without hesitation, but that would only ensure that his separation from Sarah was permanent.
The topic of suicide regularly came up at the support group meetings, and inevitably led to someone mentioning Robin Pearson, a woman who used to come to the meetings several months before Neil began attending. Robins husband had been afflicted with stomach cancer during a visitation by the angel Makatiel. She stayed in his hospital room for days at a stretch, only for him to die unexpectedly when she was home doing laundry. A nurse whod been present told Robin that his soul had ascended, and so Robin had begun attending the support group meetings.