He loved Him with an utterness beyond what humans can experience for one another. To say it was unconditional was inadequate, because even the word unconditional required the concept of a condition and such an idea was no longer comprehensible to him: every phenomenon in the universe was nothing less than an explicit reason to love Him. No circumstance could be an obstacle or even an irrelevancy, but only another reason to be grateful, a further inducement to love. Neil thought of the grief that had driven him to suicidal recklessness, and the pain and terror that Sarah had experienced before she died, and still he loved God, not in spite of their suffering, but because of it.
He renounced all his previous anger and ambivalence and desire for answers. He was grateful for all the pain hed endured, contrite for not previously recognizing it as the gift it was, euphoric that he was now being granted this insight into his true purpose. He understood how life was an undeserved bounty, how even the most virtuous were not worthy of the glories of the mortal plane.
For him the mystery was solved, because he understood that everything in life is love, even pain, especially pain.
So minutes later, when Neil finally bled to death, he was truly worthy of salvation.
And God sent him to Hell anyway.
Ethan saw all of this. He saw Neil and Janice remade by Heavens light, and he saw the pious love on their eyeless faces. He saw the skies become clear and the sunlight return. He was holding Neils hand, waiting for the paramedics, when Neil died, and he saw Neils soul leave his body and rise toward Heaven, only to descend into Hell.
Janice didnt see it, for by then her eyes were already gone. Ethan was the sole witness, and he realized that this was Gods purpose for him: to follow Janice Reilly to this point and to see what she could not.
When statistics were compiled for Barakiels visitation, it turned out that there had been a total of ten casualties, six among light-seekers and four among ordinary pilgrims. Nine pilgrims received miracle cures; the only individuals to see Heavens light were Janice and Neil. There were no statistics regarding how many pilgrims had felt their lives changed by the visitation, but Ethan counted himself among them.
Upon returning home, Janice resumed her evangelism, but the topic of her speeches has changed. She no longer speaks about how the physically handicapped have the resources to overcome their limitations; instead she, like the other eyeless, speaks about the unbearable beauty of Gods creation. Many who used to draw inspiration from her are disappointed, feeling theyve lost a spiritual leader. When Janice had spoken of the strength she had as an afflicted person, her message was rare, but now that shes eyeless, her message is commonplace. She doesnt worry about the reduction in her audience, though, because she has complete conviction in what she evangelizes.
Ethan quit his job and became a preacher so that he too could speak about his experiences. His wife Claire couldnt accept his new mission and ultimately left him, taking their children with her, but Ethan was willing to continue alone. Hes developed a substantial following by telling people what happened to Neil Fisk. He tells people that they can no more expect justice in the afterlife than in the mortal plane, but he doesnt do this to dissuade them from worshiping God; on the contrary, he encourages them to do so. What he insists on is that they not love God under a misapprehension, that if they wish to love God, they be prepared to do so no matter what His intentions. God is not just, God is not kind, God is not merciful, and understanding that is essential to true devotion.
As for Neil, although he is unaware of any of Ethans sermons, he would understand their message perfectly. His lost soul is the embodiment of Ethans teachings.
For most of its inhabitants, Hell is not that different from Earth; its principal punishment is the regret of not having loved God enough when alive, and for many thats easily endured. For Neil, however, Hell bears no resemblance whatsoever to the mortal plane. His eternal body has well-formed legs, but hes scarcely aware of them; his eyes have been restored, but he cant bear to open them. Just as seeing Heavens light gave him an awareness of Gods presence in all things in the mortal plane, so it has made him aware of Gods absence in all things in Hell. Everything Neil sees, hears, or touches causes him distress, and unlike in the mortal plane this pain is not a form of Gods love, but a consequence of His absence. Neil is experiencing more anguish than was possible when he was alive, but his only response is to love God.
Neil still loves Sarah, and misses her as much as he ever did, and the knowledge that he came so close to rejoining her only makes it worse. He knows his being sent to Hell was not a result of anything he did; he knows there was no reason for it, no higher purpose being served. None of this diminishes his love for God. If there were a possibility that he could be admitted to Heaven and his suffering would end, he would not hope for it; such desires no longer occur to him.
Neil even knows that by being beyond Gods awareness, he is not loved by God in return. This doesnt affect his feelings either, because unconditional love asks nothing, not even that it be returned.
And though its been many years that he has been in Hell, beyond the awareness of God, he loves Him still. That is the nature of true devotion.