“So then you never really died at all.” she said. “The past wasn’t changed.”
“Yeah, well, unfortunately that’s the part no one can figure out.” said Lucas. with a sigh. “Looking at it logically. I did die, because you’d think there had to be a moment when my death actually occurred, before Darkness went back and altered the scenario, but when it comes to temporal physics, all logic breaks down. By doing what he did. Darkness changed the past so that the bullet struck my double’s corpse, not me. and that became the past. Or maybe it didn’t become the past, maybe it was the past, because what Darkness did was part of the temporal scenario. Or maybe what he did was create a sort of temporal loop, in which there was a kind of… a kind of skip or something in my own personal history, but not the history of the timeline. Maybe, somewhere in time, there exists an instant in which I actually died… only nobody knows for sure and chances are no one will ever know, no matter how many damn tests they run on me. How the hell is something like that supposed to show up on some test?”
“Good question.” she said. “But as the saying goes, why look a gift horse in the mouth? You’re alive. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”
“Maybe.” Lucas said, That how’d you like to go through life knowing that somewhere in time, there could exist a moment when you’d died, only you can’t remember it because in a certain sense it never really happened? How’d you like to be the only person in the world who ever experienced a temporal paradox. but has no memory of the experience? And what if ifs some sort of temporal ripple that could, at some point in the future. somehow catch up with me?”
“Do you really think that’s possible?”
“I don’t know,” said Lucas. “That’s the exasperating thing about it! I don’t think even that Darkness knows and he understands temporal physics better than anyone alive. The thing that really gets me is that he didn’t give a damn about me one way or another. He only did it because he’d implanted me with the only existing prototype of his new telepathic temporal transponder and he didn’t want to lose the only working model. I’ve got what amounts to an ultra-miniaturized. thought-controlled warp disc implanted in my body, bonded to some molecule somewhere, and any stray thought is liable to send me on a trip through time. Its already happened several. times. You have any idea what it’s like to go to sleep and dream you’re back in ancient Rome, then suddenly wake up to discover that you’re actually there?”
Dr. Hazen shook her head. “Wow. I hadn’t known about that. I can’t say I envy you. Lucas. Frankly. I’m amazed they’re letting you go back on active duty. I hate to say it, but after what you just told me, I honestly feel that it’s my responsibility to pronounce you medically unfit.
“You can’t.”
“I’m sorry. Lucas.” she said. “Under the circumstances. I really have no other alternative.”
“You don’t understand,” said Lucas. “I’m not asking you not to do it, I’m saying that you can’t Under ordinary circumstances, you would certainly have that authority, hut then these aren’t ordinary circumstances. By all means, do what you feel you have to do, but I’m telling you right now, if you order me removed from active duty. the brass will override you. I’ve got the only thought-controlled warp disc in existence. In effect. Darkness has turned me into a living time machine and the brass wants to see it tested in the field. They want to find out if it’ll work over the long haul or if it will induce the same atomic instability that Darkness suffers from. He tried an earlier version of the same process on himself and it altered his atomic structure irreversibly. And his condition’s getting progressively worse. Eventually. he’s going to discorporate and depart at multiples of light speed in all directions of the universe. The brass would sort of like to find out if that’s going to happen to me before they start to issue telempathic temporal transponders to the troops.”
“I thought you said you had the only working prototype,” she said.
“I do,” said Lucas, sourly. “Darkness said it would take a bloody fortune to produce another one, and before anyone’s ready to commit to that, they want to see if there are any bugs in mine. And since his own atomic structure is unstable, Darkness is on borrowed time, so the brass is anxious to get on with the field testing, which they can’t do if I’m removed from active duty.”
“I think that’s inexcusable; Dr. Hazen said. it’s downright criminal. They’re using you as a human guinea pig.”
“So?” said Lucas. “What’s the worst that could happen? I could die?” He shrugged. “Hey, it’s not as if it’s anything I haven’t done before.”
The comscreen in the lab emitted a short series of beeps and came on with an image of General Moses Forrester. the Director of the T.I.A.
“Dr. Hazen?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is Col. Priest still in the lab with you?”
“Right here, sir,” Lucas said, stepping in front of the screen. “We just completed all the tests.”
“Good. I need you up here on the double.”
“I’m on my way.”
The screen went blank.
“I’m still going to have to recommend that you be removed from active duty. Lucas,” Dr. Hazen said. “I suppose the brass can override me. but I can’t in good conscience go along with what they’re doing.”
“I understand,” said Lucas. nodding. “And I appreciate your concern, but even if they did follow your recommendation-which they won’t-you really wouldn’t be doing me a favor. I’d go crazy if they put me behind a desk or. worse yet, confined me to a hospital for tests and observation.”
“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. is that it?” she said, with a wry smile.
“No, not really.” Lucas said. “It’s not some macho thing. Look at it this way. after all the years you spent to get where you are now, how would you fed if you were suddenly transferred to a national health clinic in Bakersfield?”
She sighed. “Yes. I’m afraid I see your point.”
“I’d better go. When the old man says ‘on the double.’ it usually means something important has come up.”
“Good luck.”
He smiled. “Thanks. See you around.”
She waited till he’d left, then added softly. “I sure hope so.”
Finn Delaney. Creed Steiger. and Andre Cross were already there when Lucas arrived. Everybody jumped when the old man said. “On the double.” Andre looked sharp. AS usual. but Delaney, also as usual, looked sloppy and unkempt. his uniform unpressed and his boots unpolished. In any other outfit, such a turnout would have called for disciplinary action. but Forester was an unusual commander. Ever since the T.I.A. had been combined with the First Division of the Temporal
Corps and Forrester had been made Director. the agents of the T.I. A had not quite known what to make of their new leader. The men and women of the First Division. organized and led by Forester. had grown accustomed to what many senior officers in the Temporal Corps felt was an overly casual brand of leadership. For the agents of Temporal Intelligence. men like Col. Creed Steiger. it was a completely, new experience.
Forrester cared less about how his people looked on the parade ground than about how their performance measured up in the field. When he had organized the unit, he had hand-picked all the personnel, many of whom had less than favorable military records and were deemed misfits in their former units.
Finn Delaney was an excellent example. Large-framed, red haired and barrel-chested. with the appearance of an amiable bear, he had come within a hairbreadth of dishonorable discharge more times than he could count. His record was chock-full of infractions of just about every military regulation there was, from disobedience of orders to striking superior officers. He had spent his entire adult life in the service and his rank had fluctuated like the fashion industry. No sooner would he be promoted as a result of outstanding performance in the field than he would be busted for breaking some military regulation. He was on a first name basis with practically every officer who ever sat on a court martial. Indeed, he would have long since been discharged if it were not for the fact that he was an absolutely first-rate soldier, with a record of performance that was absolutely unsurpassed.