Oma grieved over Opa’s passing, then began to worry about Hildemara Rose again. She didn’t return to Merritt Hospital, where she had been working before Oma asked her to come home and take care of Papa. Carolyn knew a crisis was on the horizon, and in the next letter, it had happened.
A young man came to Niclas’s funeral. I had never seen him before, and Hildemara had never mentioned him. But I knew when I saw them together, they love each other. She had it in her head that she had to stay and take care of me. As if I cannot take care of myself! I said enough yesterday to make her pack and leave. l appreciate all she’s done, but enough is enough.
I offered to drive her to the bus station this morning, hoping for a chance to explain myself a little better. But she had already asked her brother to take her.
She was hurt and angry, once again misunderstanding my intentions. When will she understand how much I love her? How easy it would have been to let her stay and be my comfort! But at what cost to her? Elise was Mama’s comfort and suffered for it. So did Mama in the end, though she didn’t live with the fullness of it. No matter how much it hurts, I must be strong for Hildemara Rose’s sake.
When Hildemara became sick with tuberculosis, Oma lived in fear of her dying.
I went to Arroyo del Valle to see Hildemara Rose. She had Mama’s pallor and the deep shadows under her eyes. I could see no life in them when I first arrived. It terrified me… I called her a coward. Though it broke my heart, I mocked and belittled her. Thank God she got good and mad. Her eyes spit fire at me and I wanted to laugh with joy.
Better she hate me for a while than give up on life and be put in an early grave. She was trying to get up when I walked away…
Carolyn blinked back tears as she read Oma’s description of Charlie’s birth. Oh, Charlie. I still miss you so much it hurts. Oma was concerned even then about the breach between herself and Mom.
Hildemara Rose and I get along, but there is a wall between us. I know I built it. I doubt she’s forgiven me for my harsh words at the sanatorium, and I will not apologize for them. I may have to prod her again. I’ll do whatever I must to keep her spirits up. Oh, but it hurts me so to do it. I wonder if she will ever understand me.
No, Oma, I don’t think she ever did. At least not yet.
Years later, Oma wrote about the gold, jade, and pearl brooch. Carolyn fingered it as she read.
I was so stunned and touched by Hildemara’s gift, I said something stupid. I could see the hurt in her eyes. It’s become a bad habit, saying hurtful things to her. I reached out, but she’d already turned away, and I had no voice to call her back. I take out the brooch every day and look at it. My girl has a fine, generous heart…
Oma had tried to reach out to Mom in those later years, and Mom shrank back. Mom and Oma never had someone who pulled them together the way May Flower Dawn had done for Carolyn and Mom. She had built a bridge so the same mistake wouldn’t be carried into the next generation.
Sometimes seeds fell on rock, but they still found a way to grow, to press up toward the sun, to cling to life no matter what. Oma had done that. She had left a legacy. Endure whatever life dishes out. Learn all you can. Count your blessings. Never give up. Keep growing in the Lord.
One week with Oma had changed May Flower Dawn. Oma said once her great-granddaughter had a teachable spirit.
Dawn had been the best of all the women in their family. She had Oma’s drive and ambition, not for possessions, but to become the woman God intended her to be. She had become a nurse like her grandmother, caring for others. Carolyn often wondered what qualities she might have passed along to Dawn, and she realized her daughter had been broken, too, and humbled. But God had not crushed the tender reed.
Carolyn came down for breakfast and found the other guests already on their way out. Etta set a basket of fresh rolls on the sideboard as Carolyn poured herself a cup of coffee. “I was up most of the night reading the letters. I’ve certainly learned a lot about my grandparents… and my mother. Thank you so much for giving them to me.”
Etta smiled. “I grew up on stories of Marta’s adventures. Your oma was a remarkable woman. I would love to have met her.”
The telephone rang. Etta held it out. “It’s for you.”
Georgia. “Jason is being transferred to Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. He’ll be flown to the States in a few days. We’re ready to go home anytime you are.”
Carolyn Skyped Mitch and gave him the good news, then asked, “Is Mom already in bed?”
“No, she fell asleep on the couch while we were watching the news.” He chuckled. “I’m in my office and I can hear her snoring.”
“Can you get her? I have something important to tell her.”
It took several minutes before Mom appeared in front of the monitor. “Mitch said you wanted to talk to me.”
“I’m at Hotel Edelweiss with Rosie Brechtwald’s daughter. Oma loved you, Mom. She was proud of you.”
“I know.”
“No, Mom, you don’t know. But I have proof, lots of it, and it’s all in Oma’s handwriting. Rosie Brechtwald saved all of Oma’s letters. Her daughter gave them to me. You’ll be able to read them when I get home.”
“Did you take lots of pictures?” Mom’s voice had a tremor.
“Yes, Mom. At least a hundred.”
“When you and Faith get home, we’ll have tea and cookies and make an album together.”
“Sounds wonderful.”
They would talk about things they had kept hidden, shine light on the shadows, cast out any remaining doubts.
“I love you, Mom. I’ll see you soon.”
“I love you, too, honey. I always have.”
Love one another, Jesus said. Sometimes it took a lifetime to learn how. Sometimes it took hitting rock bottom to make someone reach up and grasp hold and be lifted from the mire to stand on a firm foundation.
Sometimes a child had to show them how to love, and another child, left behind, had to remind them to take one step at a time.
Faith. How appropriately Dawn had named her child. Every time Carolyn said it, she remembered what May Flower Dawn had dreamed. So did Mom. So did Jason. So did every member of the family. Keep faith. Nurture it. Let it grow. Watch what can happen when you do.
God would light the way. Faith would keep them on the right path.
a cognizant original v5 release november 24 2010
A Note from the Author
Dear Reader,
Since I became a Christian, my stories have begun with struggles I’m having in my own faith walk, or issues that I haven’t worked out. That’s how this two-book series started. I wanted to explore what caused the rift between my grandma and my mom during the last years of my grandmother’s life. Was it a simple misunderstanding that they never had time to work out? or something deeper that had grown over the years?
Francine as a little girl with her dog Dusty
Many of the events of this story were inspired by family history that I researched and events I read about in my mother’s journals or experienced in my own life. You may have guessed that Carolyn is my alter ego. But only some of my life is interwoven through hers. Mom did have tuberculosis when I was a little girl, and Grandma did move in to help while Mom recuperated at home. When Mom was well enough, we moved to a piece of property where they built their own home from the foundation up. I still love the scent of sawdust. But unlike the Arundels, our family was close. We had sit-down dinners and lingered around the table, talking. In many ways, growing up in the fifties and early sixties in California was like living in Camelot. I had an idyllic childhood, despite the serious things happening-the “Red Scare,” the Cuban Missile Crisis, and Kennedy’s assassination. My dad, along with other neighbors, built a bomb shelter. (Last I heard, people have converted them into wine cellars.)