Hardest part of the job is warding off advances from cougars. Even when I turn them down, they leave nice tips. I’ll have enough saved to go to London this summer.
Leaning on her elbows, Dawn rubbed her temples.
I will trust in You, Lord, no matter what happens. I believe the dream You gave me on the airplane about our little girl. I believe, Father! Oh, God, help my unbelief.
Dawn clicked New Mail and typed Ja and Jason’s address filled the send-to line. Subject? How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Words flowed out of her as she recounted the first time she’d seen Jason in the high school corridor, then being dragged by Christopher to CCC VBS and working with Jason. His faith and dedication to God had awed her. She had felt blessed every time he told her he loved her. When they broke up, she set her heart and mind upon becoming like the wife in Proverbs 31, a woman of character, substance, faith, and purpose-for God and for whomever He might have in store for her, never dreaming He would give the two of them a second chance. She reminisced about their wedding day and the intense joy he’d given her on their wedding night and every time he’d made love to her since.
I just miss you so much, Jason. I wish I could curl up with your arms around me. I wish…
Weeping, Dawn got up without sending the message. She puttered, fluffing pillows, wandering through the house, trying to step back, trying to think more clearly and not allow her emotions to rule. After an hour, she went back and reread what she had written. He would know something was wrong. She deleted everything and started again.
I saw the doctor again today. Our daughter is strong and healthy. I can feel her moving inside me right now as I write this note. Maybe she’s waving hello to her daddy. Your wife and daughter have both had a big day today. I’m exhausted. I’m going to make this short and head for bed.
I love you so much, Jason. I pray constantly that God will command angels to guard you. Remember Elisha and how he opened Gehazi’s eyes so he could see the fiery chariots all around? The Lord is with you. He hears our prayers. I’ll love you forever, Jason.
Always yours,
Dawn
Dawn dreamed about Granny and Mom. They argued over something, but Dawn couldn’t hear what. They turned their backs to one another, both weeping. Dawn wanted to call out to them, but she’d lost her voice.
She awakened as the sun came in the window. It had snowed the night before, and everything lay beneath a cover of white. She sat at the dining room table, where she could see everything, and opened her Bible. She couldn’t get Granny and Mom out of her mind. She felt an intense longing for both of them. She wasn’t Moses, but wouldn’t it be nice to have her mother holding up one arm and Granny holding up the other as Dawn beseeched God for victory in the battle she now faced? But another picture came to mind. Granny pulling one way and Mom the other.
2004
Dawn had made excuses not to fly home for the holidays. Just before Thanksgiving, she’d passed the six-month mark in her pregnancy and breathed easier. The baby had an excellent chance of survival now, even if she should come early. But Dawn still prayed every day for a full-term, healthy delivery for their daughter.
Mom had said she’d fly to Newark when Dawn got closer to delivery. And then, just as she always did, Dawn had said it would be nice to have Granny come, too.
Why did she have to choose between them?
As Christmas came and went, she found herself wishing she were at home. Now, January rolled around. She’d have a birthday soon. What do I do, Lord? Dawn covered her face. Lord, I want to go home!
She couldn’t fly now. It was too risky to fly at seven and a half months. She could drive. Four thousand miles alone, in winter? Jason would have a fit!
Jason didn’t have to know.
Dawn shrugged into her heavy parka and went out for a walk. It was midmorning. Blank spaces on the street showed where cars had been during the snowfall last night. Everyone had gone to work by now. Maura worked at a co-op preschool. LaShaye never stepped outside her door. Okay, Lord, if I’m supposed to drive home to California, Maura and LaShaye will be home and both will want to talk with me.
She’d just passed LaShaye’s when the front door opened. “Dawn! Wait a minute!” LaShaye hurried down the path to the sidewalk. “You look awful. Is Jason all right?”
“He’s fine.”
She took Dawn by the arm. “Come inside out of the cold. I’ll fix some tea. Tell me what’s going on.” The phone was ringing when they walked in. Maura wanted to come over.
An hour later, they all sat crying in LaShaye’s kitchen. LaShaye gripped Dawn’s arm. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going home to California. I want to be with my family. I’m going to need Mom and Granny’s help. The hard part is going to be getting them to work things out between them so they can.”
Maura held out her hands. “What can we do?”
Dawn took hold. “I have to call the landlord, then call the base to store our furniture. Or sell some of it. I don’t know which.”
“If you’re driving across the country, you should have your car serviced,” LaShaye said. “Rory can do that for you.”
Between the three of them, they worked out the details. Dawn held out her hands. Maura and LaShaye each took one. “It’s been a pleasure, ladies.” She blinked back tears. “I didn’t have as long as I wanted with you.”
LaShaye squeezed tight. “Maybe we ought to pray.”
Dawn thanked God for these friends. “Yes. Please.” She felt a quiver of apprehension at the journey ahead of her. “And don’t stop.”
Dawn made all her calls the next morning. She didn’t think the landlord would return the security deposit, but when he heard the reasons, he brought the check over that afternoon. She bought a new laptop so she could continue e-mailing Jason every day on the long drive home. She studied routes on MapQuest. She decided against the straight route across the country. She didn’t want to go through Colorado and deal with heavy snows. Better to go south.
Maura came over when the movers arrived. Everything would be stored until Jason returned from Iraq. Suitcases packed, Dawn spent the night with Maura.
“How long do you think it’ll take, Dawn?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to take it one day at a time.” She would need to get out and walk around every hour or risk thrombophlebitis and edema. Main highways had rest stops. She planned to use them. “I’ll drive until I need rest.”
“The weather’s bad all across the country. You couldn’t have picked a worse time to travel.”
“I don’t have a lot of choice. I can’t wait.”
“You should have someone with you.”
“I will. I’ll have Jesus. He’ll get me home.”
She got up early the next morning, showered, dressed, and left a note on the kitchen counter beside the coffeepot.
Dear Maura,
Thanks for everything. I’ll be in touch. May the Lord bless you and yours.
Love, Dawn
For the first time in days, it didn’t snow.
51
Dawn knew, even before she had driven the short distance to Baltimore, the trip would test her physical and emotional endurance. She took one hour at a time, trying not to think how many miles she had to go. Each afternoon, after checking into a hotel and having dinner, she hooked up the laptop.