“Don’t do that,” I said.
“Don’t do what?” he asked.
“Make a joke of it. It’s not funny.”
“I know it’s not funny,” he said fiercely. “Believe me, I know. I thought by hanging myself I was escaping it, but instead, I landed myself here, and here I’ve been, for almost a hundred years, and every day I still see their faces. I can still hear her scream.”
I looked down at the floorboards beneath my feet, my bottom lip trembling. He’d just confirmed my worst nightmare. Being here forever meant never forgetting. It meant never escaping. It meant I was going to feel this stupid, this humiliated, this small, for all eternity.
I could feel a black hole start to open up within me. This was not good. This was very not good.
The door of the gray house creaked open, and Tristan stepped out. He ducked his head, being careful not to look in my direction, not to even acknowledge me, then turned and hurried off down the street.
My eyes welled with tears. “I have to go,” I told Joaquin, standing up and shoving open the door.
“Rory, wait,” Joaquin said, scrambling to his feet.
But I just slammed the door behind me and sank to the floor.
Yesterday, forever had felt like a possibility, like a promise. But now I knew it was the exact opposite. Forever was its own death sentence.
Cracks
All afternoon I’ve watched her sit on her porch, sighing out her heartbreak. One day and she’s already figured it out: Forever isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
I’d take her with me if I could, but she’s actually what I pretend to be: good. She would never agree to my plan.
But I see it happening already, the cracks in the perfect facade. The sting is just the beginning. And I’ll do what I’ve always done: smile, nod, and fool them all.
No one will ever suspect a thing.
The Jessica rule
The Jeep pitched and dived as it climbed the rocky hill toward nowhere. All I could see in front of me were the sky and stars, and I clung to the roll bar, just hoping that Bea was as adept behind the wheel as she seemed to think she was. Next to me on the bench backseat, Krista smiled with her head tipped back, as if enjoying the sensation of her hair being nearly ripped from her scalp. To her right, Fisher stared straight ahead, his mirrored sunglasses on to guard against the wind. Joaquin and Bea occasionally spoke to each other in the front seat, but with all the whooshing air in my ears, and the frantic tripping of my heart, I couldn’t make out what they were saying.
I had no idea where we were going. All I knew was it had taken Joaquin half an hour to wheedle me into the car, swearing left and right that whatever we were about to do was going to make me feel better about everything. It wasn’t until he mentioned that Tristan wouldn’t be there—he was working the closing shift at the Thirsty Swan—that I’d finally agreed to come.
“Just look at the stars!” Krista said, splaying out her arms.
“Yeah. They’re…great,” I replied flatly.
Up ahead, the ground seemed to just end, like we were coming to some sort of a drop-off.
“Um, Bea!” I shouted, leaning forward. “Maybe you should stop.”
“Don’t worry. It’s fine,” she called back, glancing over her shoulder at me.
“But you’re heading for a cliff!” I yelled, watching the edge of the world rushing toward me at an alarming speed.
“Don’t worry about it!” Fisher said with a smile.
My heart was in my throat. What was so cool about this? Were they going to drive me off a cliff just to prove I couldn’t die?
“I am worried about it!” I cried, frustrated by their calm. “I’m sorry if I’m not used to being a Lifer yet, but I just got here and I don’t want to—”
Bea suddenly applied the brake, and we skidded forward. I closed my eyes as the Jeep turned sideways, the back wheels swinging toward the precipice. I heard the dirt and rocks spray out over the edge and clenched my fists, waiting to feel the ground drop out from underneath me. Dreading the weightlessness. And then, we stopped.
“We’re here!”
“Everybody out!”
The Jeep bobbed as the others climbed out and jumped down onto the rocks. As my breathing began to slow, I could hear the waves crashing somewhere down below. Ever so slowly, I opened one eye, then the other. The stars winked overhead. I was still alive. Relatively speaking.
“What is the matter with you people?” I screeched, standing up on the seat. Instantly, the world swooped beneath me. The tire under my feet was aligned perfectly with the edge of the cliff and the water was miles below me. One wrong move and I would tip over the edge. Slowly, I sat down again, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth. To my right, Bea and Fisher were stripping off their outer layers and walking to the far edge of the cliff, laughing and chatting along the way. Kevin parked his sleek black car nearby, and he, Lauren, and Cori clambered out, all of them shedding clothes along the way. There was no sign of Tristan. Or Nadia, for that matter.
Joaquin and Krista stood on the other side of the Jeep.
“Sorry. Bea’s our resident speed freak,” Krista said, tying her hair into a ponytail.
Joaquin stepped closer. “I’ll help you down.”
I slid across the bench and stood up shakily. Joaquin reached out and clasped my waist with his hands. I jumped down, assuming he’d back up, but he didn’t, and we grazed hips. I looked up into his brown eyes. He was still holding on to me.
“Well,” he said. “Maybe you’re not such a goody-goody.”
I blushed and stepped back. “What’re we doing here?”
“Come see!” Krista said excitedly.
The others were all gathered at the very edge of the cliff. I walked toward them on quivering knees, clinging to the front of my sweatshirt with both hands. The fierce wind whipped my hair against my face. In the distance I could see the bridge, the fog swirling lazily around its legs. I stood behind the others on my toes and looked down.
All I saw was water. Water and foam and spray and rocks.
“It’s a cliff,” I said flatly.
“Yep.” Shirtless, Fisher stepped backward toward the edge, tossing his sunglasses onto a pile of clothes. “And it’s perfect for this.”
My eyes widened. “Don’t!”
But it was too late. Fisher had stepped off the edge. He let out a loud, merry shout as he fell. It seemed like five minutes passed before he finally hit the water. He was so far below us I didn’t even hear the sound of the splash, but I saw the white water spray up around him.
For a long moment, no one said a word. I was sure I was never going to see Fisher again. No one, dead or alive, could survive a drop like that. But then, suddenly, the water broke and his head emerged. He let out a whoop and the crowd cheered. My shoulders slumped in relief as Fisher swam toward some low rocks and scrambled up onto them.
“That was awesome!” Joaquin shouted.
Fisher cupped his hands around his mouth, and a moment later I heard the faintest call. “Who’s next?”
Joaquin, Lauren, Bea, Kevin, Cori, and Krista all turned to look at me.
“Oh no,” I said, backing up. “No way. I’ll just wait for you guys in the Jeep.”
“Come on, Rory. It’s an amazing feeling,” Bea said imploringly.
“Here, look. I’ll do it. It’s fine,” Cori told me.
Then she turned and jumped, disappearing from view in a snap. The rest of them cheered, hooted, and hollered. This time I didn’t look, but I heard her shout up to us when she emerged.
“The water’s perfect!”
Crazy. They were all crazy. Every last one of them. I turned and walked away as fast as I could, my pulse thrumming in my ears. Krista, Bea, and Lauren came after me, but I threw my hands up at them, my sneakers crunching across the pebbles and sand.