Leaving her to rest, Athina went in search of Dael. Before she spoke to the others, she knew that she must no longer put off the thing she had been dreading most. At this point, he did not know that she must return to her own realm, leaving him here, alone and bereft. As soon as Uriel had departed, she had left to find the others in the forest, and when she had returned, exhaustion had claimed her - but not before she had come to a decision.
There was no way that she could leave Dael without a proper farewell, to mourn her as dead. She loved him too much for that. Hard as it would be for both of them, he deserved to know the truth and now, before she began her discussions with her guests, she must tell him. Knowing that he would be avoiding the Phaerie and the Wizards as much as possible, not to mention the feral visitors, she did not look for him inside the tower but rather walked around behind it to the edge of the lake. There, as she had expected, she found him, dangling a fishing line in the water and looking pensive and sad.
‘Dael, I—’
‘You’ve come to tell me you’re leaving, haven’t you?’ He got to his feet, his eyes stormy, his expression hard. ‘Well, you needn’t trouble yourself. I overheard you talking to Iriana. I already know, Athina. I already know - unless you’ve come to tell me it isn’t true, and that you’ve decided to stay here after all.’
This was worse than she could possibly have imagined. ‘Dael, I cannot.’
On hearing her words, he gave a low cry, as if she had dealt him a mortal blow, then sank, ashen-faced, to the ground. Athina, her heart torn and bleeding, sat down beside him, but when she tried to take his hand, he snatched it away.
‘You lied to me.’ His voice was low and barely under control. ‘You said I was like your son. I thought that meant we’d always be together. You gave me love, dignity, a place in the world and a future - and now you’re taking them away again.’ He turned and fixed his eyes on the silver, wind-whipped waters of the lake. ‘I should have known it was too good to be true.’
The Cailleach, weeping now, fought to find her voice. ‘In all the endless ages of my existence, I have dwelt beyond the worlds, beyond the boundaries of emotion. My only joy was the clean, pure pleasure of creation; my only sorrow that, once my worlds were complete, I had to release them to their fate. In coming here I broke the fundamental law of my kind - never to enter or interfere with a finished world. I never understood the reason for that law. I always thought it senseless - until now.
‘When I came here, everything changed. I became intoxicated with the pleasures of sensation, the quickening of such feelings within me that I had never known before. Then you came along and assuaged a profound loneliness I had always felt, without even knowing I felt it. I loved, and let that love blind me to so many harsh realities. I knew that you were human. That your lifespan was finite and would pass, for me, in the blink of an eye. I knew that as a mortal, without magic, you could never be brought back with me to the Timeless Lake. Yet I could not bear to lose you, and so I began to deceive myself. I would work something out, I thought. Surely, with all my powers, there would be a way to make you immortal, or endow you with some kind of magic, so that you could return with me. No matter that it had never been done before; I was a Creator, was I not? And after all, there would be time enough.’
She shook her head, and sighed bitterly. ‘I truly believed that there would be plenty of time. I, a Creator who should have known better, allowed myself to be blinded by love. I did not realise that descending to this lower world and working with its coarser forms of energy would sap my powers so quickly. It took a visit from my sibling to awaken me to the bitter truth. I now realise that the drain is accelerating with every moment. When I first came here, the loss was so insignificant: a mere trickle that I never even noticed. By the time I discovered my true peril, it was already far too late. So now I must return, while I can, or lose everything that I am.’
‘So what you’re saying is, you’ve been forced to make a choice,’ Dael said harshly, ‘and you’ve chosen your power and immortality over me. I suppose I can understand. I should have expected it all along, knowing the way my life has been so far - but I, too, let myself be blinded by love. Love.’ He spat on the ground. ‘I ought to know by now that love isn’t for the likes of me.’
He turned to face her, his face streaked with tears. ‘Lady, you have given me the happiest days of my life. You made me see that there was more to my existence than suffering, enslavement and pain. You gave me dignity and hope, as well as love. It was an inestimable gift. I should not be so churlish as to feel bitter because you have been forced to take it all back - but I do. I do.’
He took a deep breath, and clasped her hands in his own. ‘I can only hope that in time, the bitterness and the sense of betrayal will fade away, leaving only the memories of the perfect happiness and love I’ve known in my time with you. One thing is certain, though. I’ll never forget you. I’ll never stop loving you. And I’ll never cease to miss you, every single day of my life.’ He got to his feet and began to walk away, and his voice floated back to her on the cold, empty breeze. ‘Maybe we both should have known it was too good to last.’
Athina, Creator, powerful Immortal and the mother of worlds, put her face in her hands and sobbed. She realised that for the first time she was experiencing the negative aspects of these worldly emotions: sorrow and heartbreak; guilt and the pain of loss. How could the people of this mundane realm bear to live with such feelings? It was like being flayed alive. Perhaps I don’t belong here after all, she thought. It’s time I went home. She wiped the tears from her eyes and washed her face in the cool, clear waters of the lake. Then, with heavy steps, she made her way back to the tower.
When she left Avithan, Iriana decided that she just had to get away from everyone, if only for a little while. Though the last twenty-four hours had revealed a strength in her she had never suspected she possessed, her decision to let Avithan go had finally been one burden too many. Now she had lost everyone who had come on this ill-fated journey, Wizard and animal companions alike, with the exception of her beloved Melik. Just for a while, she told herself, she needed to let go and grieve. Then she could be strong again.
She snatched up her coat and went downstairs, peering into each room in turn. It became very clear that the tower was no good to her. Avithan was in the bedchamber belonging to Athina’s young human companion, and the Cailleach herself might return to her own room at any time. On the next floor down, Aelwen and Taine were asleep on the hearthrug in front of the fire in the main living area, locked in one another’s arms, and the other door was mysteriously locked. The kitchen was empty, but was too much of a thoroughfare: anyone might walk in there at any moment.
As Iriana left the tower, she heard a murmur of voices coming from behind the building. That accounted for Athina and Dael. Wanting to get away from the island, she slipped quietly across the bridge. To her right, a little way along the lakeside, she saw the feral camp, and the wind brought the sound of voices and the smell of food from that direction.
Iriana went left.
She walked around the curve of the lake until she found a pretty beach covered in tawny pebbles and screened by alders and a bank of arching fern. Sitting down on the dry shingle with Melik beside her, she looked out over the silvery surface of the lake. From this position the tower was hidden, and she was glad of the privacy. As time crawled past, she sat there as if paralysed, her thoughts a whirl of images of those she’d lost, her emotions a hard, burning core within her that grew ever larger but could find no release.