I turn as the car starts to slow, and we pull into a parking lot.
“You ready?” Levi asks as the car comes to a stop.
You have got to be fucking kidding me. “You are serious, aren’t you?” I burst out laughing as I look out the window, seeing the sign that reads The Little White Wedding Chapel. He is serious as a heart attack too.
“You aren’t leaving Vegas as Seven James.” I laugh, because I know he is serious. I want to fight him on it; I really do. But I also want to leave Vegas as Seven Parker. Is that bad? Oh well. If it is, I do not give a single fuck.
“Well, Viva Las Vegas!” I take his hand and walk for the chapel. “I only agree to this if Elvis marries us.”
FINDING WILLOW
Excerpt
Sex is all I have ever known.
It started at an early age, and never stopped. Men, women, threesomes, foursomes, orgies. Fuck it, whatever goes.
Twenty-eight-years-old and nothing to show for my life but a fat bank account, and an impressive porn catalogue. All featuring yours truly. Starburst Bloom.
I’ve met a crossroads, and I have a choice to make. I choose salvation. I choose life. I choose myself, for the first time ever.
I will find her. I will find the life I was forced to give up. I just pray that he stays out of my way.
PROLOGUE
I look down at the crying newborn lying on my naked chest. It is warm, wet, covered in blood, and screaming, but I’m not bothered. This is my baby. This is the baby I have grown in my body for nine months. This is the baby I nurtured. I love it. I could never hate my own baby despite the circumstances in which it was created.
“Merry Christmas! It’s a girl,” the nurse exclaims, while they rub my daughter’s tiny body down. Scrubbing all the fluids off of her. The cries coming from the baby turn into little whimpers and soon, she is rooting for my breast. Finding it with ease, she starts to suckle, and for the first time in my life, I feel love. I love this little girl more than life itself. I love my daughter. I love Willow.
As she nurses, I examine every feature on her plump little face. Her lips are full, cheeks are chubby and full, a small dimple graces the right side of her face, and as her eye lids flutter, I can see the smallest bit of blue leading me to believe she has her father’s eyes.
Her father.
That fucking sack of shit.
All those years ago, I’d thought I loved Blue James, my best friend’s older brother by thirteen some odd years. He was the bad boy everyone swooned over. I always thought it was a rite of passage to crush on your best friend’s brother. When I was sixteen, he came on to me. We would mess around, but I always stopped it before it went too far. I was a virgin, and nobody knew I was completely in love with his little sister, and my best friend, Seven. She was my everything. My entire world. No matter what happened, she was there for me.
When Blue realized that there was more to our friendship than met the eye, he took what he wanted. He took my virginity. He didn’t ask, or plead. He raped me. Took something I would have never given him. He led me to believe it was my fault. I had led him on, and a man so much older than me had needs. I couldn’t mess around with him, without finishing him off. He was the first man I had been with, and the only man for a long time.
Now, the result of our on-again, off-again tryst lay in my arms, nursing at my breast. I want to cling to her, never let her go. But I know in two days, she will no longer be my baby. My parents, along with Blue’s, found a couple, within the commune where we’ve lived for years, to adopt her. My Willow is going to live with strangers. It breaks my heart even to think about it, but I cannot raise her. Neither can her father. And while he might be an adult, I am merely a child.
She deserves a fair chance at life, not the careless, nomad existence I was raised with. Which is all I would ever be able to provide.
I run my finger along her cheek and continue to admire her features. She is the epitome of perfection, and I find it so hard to believe that I made her. She is a piece of me I will love forever. I keep telling myself I have agreed to give her up out of love. I just wish I would finally start to believe it.
The two days fly by in a blur of baby cuddles and visiting parents. Each time they visit the hospital, I hate them a little more. I hate that I can’t pick up the phone and call my best friend, because the truth of the matter is, she has no idea I had a baby. I never told her I was pregnant. She would worry. She would leave behind her dream of college, and a career. I just couldn’t do that to her. She means far too much.
He never came. Blue never shows at the hospital. He never meets his daughter, his own fucking flesh and blood. I thought I hated him over the years, but now what I am feeling for him must be exactly what hate is. How could you be so uninterested in your own child? But then again, he was just like his selfish parents, and mine. The apple really didn’t fall very far from the tree.
My mother appears in the doorway, and a strange couple stands next to her; I know it is time. Time to let them take my baby. Time to let go of my dream of a happily ever after. The couple is older, early forties maybe. The woman has a warm and tender smile as she cautiously follows my mother. I cling to Willow, holding her tight against my chest. My breasts ache from being engorged. My stomach feels deflated. My soul is on the verge of being gutted. Everyone in the room is smiling but me. Because I am the only one who is going to lose out.
“Star, this is Raine and Jeff Driscoll,” my mother introduces us, but I don’t look up from Willow’s beautiful pouting face. The woman steps closer, and that is when I notice her striking green eyes; they are warm and loving. I can tell that look, because it is the look Seven has given me for the longest time. My defenses start to come down, because in my heart I know Willow will be taken care of, and loved. Unlike me.
I slowly place a kiss on her newborn forehead, and pass her to Raine. I don’t want to watch them leave with her, but I have no choice. I swing my legs off the side of the hospital bed and creep across the room to the bathroom. I lock the door and turn on the shower. The tears come, and I hear the click of the hospital room door. I know my baby is gone, and I know I will never see her again.
I cry harder, and harder. I made a mistake. I want my baby back.
It is too late.
She is gone.
About the Author
Dawn is a woman of many colors. Born and raised in the North-East, the youngest child of three, to two hard working, and extremely dedicated parents, she thrived on her love for creative writing; which started with the Narnia series. Her commitment to hard work lead her down a number of career paths over the years, stopping with her love for fiction.
Dawn is a mother, entrepreneur, and self proclaimed book whore; who enjoys whiskey, iPhones, and kink. She also loves to hear from her readers, so feel free to drop her a line anytime!
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