“I think I understand,” she said, helping me back into my shirt.
“I never thought I’d have the courage to face Vikkommin’s shadow, but when he came to me on the astral this autumn—remember, you saw him, too—I realized he might somehow be able to hurt the people I love. Who I now call family. And I can’t have that. I can’t leave this undone. So here I am.”
“What do you think might get through to him? You said he’s mad.”
“He is, stark raving mad. Wouldn’t you be, lost in a shadow all those years? I don’t know how I’ll reason with him but I have to find something—some spark that still remembers what we had. We were truly in love, or at least I thought so.” I stared at the floor, trying to remember.
“Why do you say it that way? Did he tell you otherwise?”
I thought back, but my mind was blank. “I don’t know, but I keep feeling I need to qualify it. I know how much I loved him—from the first time our souls met, there was no one else. The Lady showed me his heart and how could I not love him? And . . . he did seem to love me. We spent most of our spare time together—there was so much to learn, and we had to learn how to work together.”
“Did he ever tell you how he felt?” Camille let out a slow breath. “Iris, could Vikkommin have been seeing someone else? Someone who wanted you out of the way? Ever since you told me about the whole situation, I keep thinking: Somebody was jealous of you. Somebody wanted the life you were to have.”
I knew she meant to help, but it couldn’t be that. It was too simple.
“There was no one. Sure, Vikkommin attracted a lot of attention and there were a few catty remarks about us—I also attracted my share of male acolytes. But the temple Elders questioned everyone. And it took years for another acolyte to be named High Priestess—a century at least. Until then, the Priestess-Mother stayed in charge. And the woman chosen was new, brought in from another temple. If somebody had wanted my position, why would they kill Vikkommin? They would have killed me and tried to take my place.”
I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t one of my peers. That much I know.” I looked up at her. “I have been over and over this, turning the puzzle in my thoughts for centuries. What would I have to gain from killing Vikkommin? What would I get out of it?”
“You say you loved him?”
“I did. I loved him and was looking forward to our wedding. The only thing I used to get mad at him for was the time he spent down in the White Forest. It was dangerous, but he wouldn’t listen to reason. He insisted on going down there alone. I was so afraid he’d end up on the wrong end of one of the snow spiders or a troll.” I closed my eyes, remembering our arguments over the subject. “We did fight, but he insisted he needed to hang out there for his magic. Something about the forest gave him strength.”
Camille shook her head. “If the forest gave him strength, I wonder what it did to his magic. I’ve learned the hard way that working death magic has altered me—changed how I view the world.”
Just then, Kitää returned. “I’ve arranged a private place for you. Follow Tezsa and she will take you there. I will wake you at daybreak with breakfast.”
As I hugged Camille good night and followed the wolf to the private chamber, I wondered what tomorrow would bring me. If luck was with me, I’d resolve this matter—or even just go home no worse off than now. But there were so many other possibilities.
AS I KNELT on the soft pelts layered in the little cubbyhole, surrounded by the gentle glow of eye catchers, I took out my wand. Thanks to Camille and her sisters, it held an Aqualine Crystal—the stone sacred to my magic. Now I gently removed it from the silver that held it steady and set the wand aside. I held the crystal up so that the light of the eye catchers shone through, and I stared into the icy blue of the stone.
Aqualine Crystal, endemic to Otherworld, had a direct line into the magic of mist and fog and snow. And it was sacred to Undutar. I breathed softly onto the gem, cupping it in my hands. Closing my fingers around it, I let myself slip into a deep trance, my body becoming the mere vessel enclosing my spirit.
I slipped lower, and still lower, until I found my heartstone—the core of my being that no one could ever take away. It was this part of myself the temple Elders could never reach, and that I could never fully read. It was here, in the primal energy of myself, that the answers lay hidden and locked away.
I touched my heartstone and felt my spirit begin to rise on wings, to soar into the celestial realms, to sing with the stars. Slowly, I began the chant I’d been taught to summon Undutar, my Lady of the Frozen Wastes.
Lady of Mists, Lady of the Fog,
Lady of the Snow and Ice, hear me.
I, your Priestess, come before you.
I, your Priestess, do beseech you.
I, your Priestess, bow before you.
Listen to me, if you will.
Listen to my cries for help.
Listen to my sorrow-story.
Answer, Lady, if you will.
Answer to my cries for help.
Answer to my sorrow-story.
The crystal began to glow in my hand, and then slowly its luminescence spread until my fingers reflected the shimmering blue light. I gazed on its beauty and willed myself to flow into the stone, into the power of the gem as it slowly beat a cadence that was the flow and life of Undutar.
Pirkitta. And so you are back on the doorstep to my temple. I have been waiting for you. The voice was all around me, booming, and yet I knew no one else could hear her but me.
My Lady, I have returned to put this matter to rest. I have fought against this moment, but I had to come home. And I felt the tears beginning to come—the tears I had avoided for so many, many years.
There was a beat of silence, and then she said what I most feared to hear. Tomorrow, you will face him. And you must destroy him. By your own hand, by yourself. You will find out the truth only in his death.
Destroy him. Destroy the shadow that had been my Vikkommin. I stared into the gem, tears streaming down my cheeks. Lady, would you say anything but that, I would accept and obey. But you tell me to destroy the man who once was to be my love forever.
He is no longer your love. And in some ways, he never was. Do as I order, my Ar’jant d’tel. You must, to break this curse and free yourself from the shackles of doubt. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free to soar in my sight once again.
And then, the light faded, but not before my Lady said one last thing.
Pirkitta, remember: To counter shadow you must remove the light. Only in the darkness will shadow falter. Only in darkness can you destroy what is left of him. With that, she was gone and the crystal was, once again, merely a crystal.
I took a deep breath and sat back, staring at the stone. Remove the light. How was I to remove the light? If I went out in darkness, chances were I would not find Vikkommin to face him. If I went out in light, how could I remove the day? It was a riddle, one I decided I’d have to figure out as I went.
Fixing my Aqualine Crystal back in the wand, I set it to one side and burrowed deep in the pelts. The day had been long, and I was exhausted. And there was nowhere left but sleep for me to go without the memory of Vikkommin shadowing me.
WHEN I WOKE, Kitää had set a tray beside me. Hot broth, dense bread, and a soft creamy cheese. She had added an apple and a piece of jerky to the plate.