"How do the applicant's get down here then," said Arthur, gazing at the big doorway ahead of him marked 'APPLICANTS'.
"Robot ships fly them through the atmosphere," said Ford. "They follow a precise route which avoids the acid clouds. We ought to get hold of that route before we leave, that's bound to be worth a fortune."
"Now you re talking my language," said Zaphod. "Excitement, adventure and really wild things are okay, but clear, tax free profit wins hands and feet down every time!"
"Welcome to Sirius." The jolly voice came from behind them. They turned around to see a gleaming android. If it wasn't for the amiable aura of the robot it could have been Marvin slouching there. "I'm so glad you have decided to try to be SCC employees."
"We don't want to be...." Ford's swift kick to Arthur's shin was sufficient to temporarily disable Arthur's vocal chords.
"We're glad we have the opportunity," beamed Ford. "Any tips you can give us?"
"Gladly," rebeamed the robot, emitting happy signals. "Mind you, all applicants are told this. There is a store room just inside the entrance. You may take any three objects you find in there. Your objective is to reach the offices of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation." The robot let out a little fanfare. "A company offering useful employment, job satifaction and an incredible perk. Should you require any help on your journey, just shout 'HELP' and a recorded message will play according to your position. Good luck." The robot started to go.
"One thing before you go," said Zaphod.
As the robot turned, Ford swung his satchel with all his might, struck the robot on the head and watched as the robot toppled over. Zaphod leapt on the robot and flipped open it's back panel. He fumbled with the deactivate button until it came off in his hand.
"Great work," said Ford, slapping Zaphod heartily across one of his heads.
"No panic," said Zaphod. "I should be able to reactivate him. Admittedly deactivation will be impossible but hey, you have to compromise in a big Universe like this."
"Okay Arthur," said Ford. "Now's you big chance to do something useful. Pop these memory boards of Marvin into this robot."
"Yeh, let's transplant Marvin into this jovial junk pile," added Zaphod unnecessarily.
"I'll do my best," said Arthur.
"Well in that case," grinned Ford. "I'd better do it."
Arthur snatched the boards from Ford and sat on the robot. He ripped out a couple of boards and slotted Marvin's boards in.
"It's all yours, Zaphod," said Arthur, proudly. "Let's see if you can switch it on again."
The pressure was back on Zaphod. After five minutes of forcing the broken switch back in it's hole, with a liberal dose of cursing and scraped knuckles, a low buzzing came from the robot.
"Oooooohhhhhh no, not again."
"Is it really you, Marvin old mate," said Zaphod.
"Of course it's me," moaned Marvin. "And, yes, I may be old but I am not in any sense of the word, especially in that which refers to the reproductive coupling derivitive which, I might add, would be a physical impossibility, your mate."
"Hey, it is you," said Zaphod. "How's the new body?"
"Mmmm. Marvin paused. "A couple of new interfaces and a database connection to the mainframe. Let's try that." He paused again. "This model came after me, which is hardly Sirius shattering seeing as I am the prototype. It went into mass production. They changed the personality to an amiable, pleasant one. The memory was reduced to prevent boredom, not down to your simple level though, no robot could function at that level, you would be lucky to get a digital watch to function at that level. Just as well you brought my memory with me. The logic boards have a sub etha link to the mainframe. Wretched isn't it."
"Why is it connected to the mainframe?" Asked Arthur.
"It? It? You saddle me with this monstrosity of a body and I'm forced to be at minus one with it so don't you go calling me it," groaned Marvin. "I still got my sulking circuits."
"Sorry," said Arthur, looking skywards. "Why are YOU connected to the mainframe?"
"I'll just interrogate it." Marvin paused. "I could translate every letter the complaints department received in the last millennium into Rezxlibunslan in these response times." He waited. "Every Sirius Cybernetics Corporation device in the Universe has it's logic boards connected to the mainframe for reprogramming."
"I see," said Arthur.
"For reprogramming the device into a killing machine which will form an army strong enough to let the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation take over the Universe," said Marvin, blandly. "It's due to take place tomorrow."
"Jumping Zeon swimming kittens," said Zaphod. "That could ruin the wedding, or even worse, the reception."
"That's all in the mainframe?" Asked Ford.
"Would I make it up?" Replied Marvin.
"But how come no hackers have found out?" Asked Zaphod. "More people have been in that than in Eccentrica Gallumbits!"
"I was asked to design the security system while I was on trial here," said Marvin. "I devised twenty security levels, each progressively more difficult than the last. I say difficult but I'm talking about your sort of difficult, you know, how do I get the lid off this bottle of tablets. Each time something important needs to be stored in the mainframe, a new level is added at the top end. People spend a fortune trying to crack the top level, which increases profit for the SCC. Only a few can crack the top level but all they get is dummy information. All the top secret information is under level one. No-one looks at that because they assume there is nothing of interest in there like the imbecilic fools they are."
"Ingenious," sighed Ford.
"Not really," said Marvin. "Not if you've got a brain the size of....
"Can it, Marvin," interrupted Zaphod. "This is serious. It looks like I've got the save the Universe again."
CHAPTER 52
The Management of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation were tired of having a monopoly of robotics and computers in the Universe. This had been achieved many, many years ago despite the best efforts of the Marketing Division. So when you reach the top, where do you go? Many have suggested that when you reach the top, there is only one way to go and that is down. The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation couldn't if they tried. They had such a stranglehold on the market, expendable sales alone ensured a frightening profit margin. Thanks to a clever remuneration strategy by the Management, salaries were kept low on the basis of a possible market attack by a fruit seller and as the majority of staff weren't allowed to leave Sirius, any money paid out was soon returned through the shops and bars on the planet. The salesmen were the only people allowed loose on the Universe and they spent money like salesmen usually do, but as all the best salesmen ended up as Management back on Sirius and had to account for and repay all their expenses as a condition of their new job package, the Status Quo was maintained.