"I'm proud of it," said Gallumbits, sticking her chest out. "It's taken a long time to get it how I wanted it, but I think it will keep everyone happy." Arthur was swimming in a pool of ambiguity.
"I hope it lives down to your reputation," said Zaphod.
"I've worked hard enough to get it that way. I've got to sort out some business affairs right now, but you go and enjoy yourselves, it's all on the house tonight. I'll catch up with you later. Especially you, Arthur."
She touched all of them on the cheek with delicate fingers and disappeared behind a door into which Arthur had assumed was the men's toilet because of the men queuing up outside it.
"Still looking good," sighed Ford.
"And then some," replied Zaphod.
"And plenty after that," added Arthur, his voice edging down the scale to soprano.
"Well," said Zaphod, snapping out of the trance. "Let's observe and reserve."
"What?" Asked Arthur.
"Let's pick out the suitable women," explained Zaphod. "It's just as well I'm beyond having my style cramped."
"But your getting married tomorrow," protested Arthur.
"It's because I m getting married tomorrow that we must pull tonight. Otherwise the marriage will be null and void. It's a condition. That was one of the few good things I did as President of the Universe."
"And do we all have to pull?" Asked Arthur.
"We're supposed to, but we may make an exception in your case, it would be a shame to cancel the wedding because of you," piped Ford.
"Let's discuss this over a drink," pleaded Zaphod.
They headed into one of the 42 bars that had been littered all over the complex. The barman of this one stood proudly behind his bar, polishing glasses. Ford reached the bar first.
"Do you serve Pan Galactic Gargle-Blasters?" He asked. "And don't say we serve anyone with the money." The barman reached over the bar and picked Ford off the ground by the collar of his blazer.
"I happen to be one of the most experienced Pan Galactic Gargle-Blaster mixers in the Universe," muttered the barman in Ford's ear. Ford clapped his hand down on the barman's flattish head. The smacking noise and the shock caused the barman to drop Ford.
"Is that so?" Said Ford.
"That is so," said the barman.
"Well, buddy boy, I'm going to put you to the test," said Ford. "Do you know who is in our party? No? Zaphod Beeblebrox, that's who."
"Er, really?" Said the barman, swallowing hard.
Zaphod leaned against the bar, smiled, raised a hand and emitted his coolest 'Hi'.
"So mix one up and we'll see what Zaphod has to say," said Ford.
"It won't take a minute, Mr Beeblebrox," flustered the barman.
Zaphod placed all three hands on the bar and started breathing deeply. He rolled his heads in opposite directions, which caused a flutter of applause to come from the small crowd that had formed. A small camera hovered above the bar, transmitting the pictures to all the video screens in the night-club.
Zaphod started puffing and slapping his cheeks. He decided to use his right head for the drinking and his left head for the observing. He bent his knees and squatted down, his hands still on the bar. He blew loudly several times and stood upright. He turned to his audience, now quite large, and jogged on the spot. He thrust his arms up in a 'Rocky' type pose, one he had been mastering in front of the mirror, which started the applause again.
"I will need a silver spoon, preferably the one you used to make the drink, a timing device, a glass of water and a cloth," said Zaphod like a magician looking for volunteers. The barman dutifully produced all of these items and nervously placed them in front of Zaphod, who was staring at him like a boxer. The barman avoided Zaphod's eyes and put the drink down on the bar. The barman stood back and rubbed his hands together anxiously.
Zaphod sipped the glass of water, swilled it around in his mouth, gargled with it and spat it out. His suit had sensed the atmosphere of the moment and displayed dark, moody colours.
"Wait a minute!" Cried the barman. He ran over to the drink and dropped an olive in it. "I forgot, the heat of the moment."
Zaphod's glare shut him up. Zaphod lifted the glass to the light and squinted at it. He sniffed it as one would sniff smelling salts, knowing full well what they smelt like. He nodded and picked up the spoon. He scooped up a drop of the drink and switched on the timing device. Fumes smoked away from the spoon and when a hole appeared in the spoon, Zaphod stopped the timing device. He looked at the time and nodded again. He wiped away the residue liquid from the bar with the cloth before it started eating it's way through that. Zaphod rolled his heads again, much to the delight of the crowd and started puffing again. He took the glass in his hand, looked at the ceiling, looked at the barman, looked at the drink and then, while the left head watched closely, downed the drink in one.
Ford and Arthur helped Zaphod to his feet. He shook his heads and steadied himself.
"Well barman," said Zaphod hoarsely. "That was good, very good. Set up three for us."
The audience erupted, the barman cried and Arthur suddenly realised he was expected to drink one of these liquid stun guns.
"Don't worry," said Ford to Arthur, who was holding the glass as one would hold an anaconda. "Take it in sips, it's quite pleasant."
Arthur took a hesitant sip and screwed his face up in anticipation. There was no pain. It felt like slipping into a hot bath inside out.
"Not bad," he said, then found his body fulfilling an urgent desire to be horizontal.
"It'll take a while," said Ford, helping Arthur up. "Perhaps we should get you a Phodcaran Hurenge."
CHAPTER 49
"Excuse me?" Asked Arthur. The two dolphins stopped chattering and turned to face him. "This will probably sound very silly and you will almost certainly have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'm from a planet called Earth and.."
"You're not!" Exclaimed one of the dolphins.
"You're pulling my flipper, surely!" Squealed the other.
"No I really am," said Arthur. "I was wondering if you could explain to me exactly what happened on Earth. You know, why it reappeared and you disappeared."
"Well you are talking to the right people, my name is Etats and this is Dilos," said Etats, offering his flipper, which Arthur shook. He fought the urge to throw Etats a fish and blow a whistle.
"We were behind the Campaign to Save the Humans," said Dilos.
"I got a bowl from you then," said Arthur.
"It can't be!" They sang in unison.
"Let me guess, ' said Arthur, but they didn't give him the chance.
"You must be the Arthur Dent."
"That's right."
"Out of vision, man. Is this one meeting to remember!" Said Etats.
"Let me get you a drink," said Dilos. He passed a container to Arthur. It was see-through with a straw poking through the lid. Arthur sipped the straw and was pleasantly surprised to taste gin and tonic. When he released the straw, he quickly put his finger over it to prevent any water getting in, being 10 metres under and sitting around a submerged table.
"Don't worry," said Etats. "Each cup has an artificial atmosphere in it to allow liquid out but not in."
"How clever," remarked Arthur, removing his finger.
"Now where shall we start?" Said Dilos. "We originally came from a planet called Dolph. It was a grotty planet really. It was in the same dimension as those bastards who wanted the ultimate answer to life, the Universe and everything."