"That was the night of the accident that crippled Gisselle?"
"Yes and killed the boy. I'm not saying something terrible has to happen all the time, but you've got to follow your instincts and believe in yourself."
"It was fun being with Claude sometimes; he's the most popular boy in school. But I didn't have a strong enough feeling for him. The fact is, I haven't had a strong feeling for any boy yet, Mommy. Is that odd? Am I too analytical? Am I just a brain?"
"Of course not," she said, laughing. "Why do you have to become seriously involved with someone while you're still so young?"
"You did," I said quickly and then regretted it.
"It was different for me, Pearl. I came from a different sort of life. I told you that. My childhood was rushed. I wish I had had more time to be young and carefree."
"But you did fall in love with Daddy soon after you met him, didn't you?"
"I suppose." Even in the darkness, I could see the tiny smile on her lips as she remembered. "We had our first kiss out here, in that cabana, a kiss that changed my life. But that doesn't mean it has to be that way for everyone, especially for you," she continued quickly. "You're going to have a career, and you're dedicated to higher things than most of your friends are," she added.
"Is that good?" I wondered aloud. "Will I miss something important?"
"I don't think so, honey. I think you're destined for more important things, and when you fall in love and someone falls in love with you, it will be a greater relationship than you can imagine now."
"I almost feel as if I should go to Marie Laveau's in the French Quarter and get some love powder," I said, and Mommy laughed.
"Who told you about that? Don't say I did," she added quickly.
"No, I read about it. You never did anything like that, did you?"
"No, but once in a while I'd burn a candle or Nina Jackson would burn some brimstone to keep away evil spirits she thought might be hovering about me. I suppose you think that's silly," she said. "And maybe it is."
"I don't know. Maybe if I were less scientific, I'd be happier," I said. "I know my friends would like me more."
"Nonsense. Don't be someone you're not just to please someone else," Mommy warned.
"Hey," Daddy called from the patio doors, "are you out here, Ruby?"
"Yes, Beau."
"Some of your friends are leaving and want to say good night."
"I'm coming."
"Something wrong?" Daddy asked when he saw I was with Mommy.
"No."
He stood there, skeptical. "Are you sure?"
"I'm fine, Daddy," I said. "We're coming in." I rose, and Mommy put her arm around me.
"And you are fine, too," she said squeezing me. "I'm proud of you, not just because you were the valedictorian and made a wonderful speech, but be-cause you're sensible and mature. You don't know how wonderful it is to have a daughter you can trust and rely upon."
"Thank you, Mommy." I kissed her on the cheek and smelled her hair and perfume and felt my heart lighten. I was lucky, and I would not let anything darken this wonderful day and this wonderful night, I thought.
After our guests left, the twins whined and begged for me to open some of the graduation presents. Mommy wanted them to go to bed, but Daddy said it was a special night and they could stay up a little later, so we all went into the sitting room, and I unwrapped some of the gifts.
There was clothing for college and some expensive reference books. Dr. Portier and his wife had given me the latest edition of Gray's Anatomy.
The twins became bored with my presents rather quickly. The two of them sank back in the larger settee, resting against each other, Pierre's arm over Jean's shoulders, Jean's eyes blinking and battling the weight of his eyelids. Finally Daddy nudged them and ordered them to bed. They had no resistance left and stumbled along. He guided them upstairs, and Mommy followed to be sure the two of them were all right.
Daddy returned first. "Happy, princess?" he asked.
"Yes, Daddy."
"It was the happiest day of my life," he said.
"No, it wasn't, Daddy."
"What?"
"The happiest day of your life was the day you met Mommy."
He laughed. "That's different."
"But it was-your happiest day, wasn't it?"
"I didn't know it at the time, but yes, it was. I met her right outside this house, and I thought she was her sister in a Mardi Gras costume."
"How does a man know when he's in love, Daddy? Do bells really ring in your head?"
"Bells?" He smiled. "I don't remember bells. I just remember that my first thought every morning when I awoke was of being with your mother." He stared at me. "Trouble with Claude?" I nodded. "The problem is simple, Pearl. You're too mature for him."
"I'm too mature for all the boys my age."
"Maybe."
"Does that mean I'll be happy only with a much older man?"
"No," he said, laughing. "Not necessarily. And don't you bring home anyone who could be your father," he warned. Then we hugged and started upstairs. At my bedroom doorway, he kissed me on the forehead.
"Good night, princess," he said.
"Night, Daddy."
"When you were opening your gifts downstairs," he said, "I thought I saw something around your ankle. Is it what I think?" I nodded. He shook his head. "Well, they say if you believe in something hard enough, it will happen. Who am I to disagree?" He kissed me again, and I went into my room.
Mommy came to say good night, too. I told her Daddy had seen the dime.
"Now he'll tease me to death," she said. "But I don't care. I've seen my grandmère do things that defied reason and logic."
"There's so much you still haven't told me about the past, isn't there?"
"Yes," she said sadly.
"But you will now. You'll tell me everything, won't you? The good and the bad. Promise?"
"Just think happy thoughts tonight, honey. There's plenty of time to open the dark closets." She kissed me and stared down at me a moment with that angelic smile on her lips, and then she left.
I could hear music in the night, trumpets and saxophones, trombones and drums. New Orleans was a city that hated to go to sleep. It was as if it knew that when it did, the spirits and ghosts that hovered outside the wall of laughter, music, and song would have free rein to wander the streets and invade our dreams.
At Lester's house Claude was probably kissing Diane. It was supposed to be my kiss.
My kiss was on hold, waiting in the wings for the lips of my mysterious lover. But maybe that was just a dream, too. Maybe there was no lover and never would be. Maybe one of those curses Mommy feared were left at our doorstep was a curse designed for me.
I reached over to the nightstand and opened the locket Aunt Jeanne had given me, so that I could gaze at myself being held by Paul. Love could be painful, too, I thought.
I had graduated from high school as class valedictorian, but at the moment I felt I didn't know very much. I closed the locket, turned off the lights, and closed my eyes.
Then I fell asleep to the sound of the applause I had received when I ended my speech saying, "Today is commencement, and commencement means a beginning."
Was it the beginning of happiness and success or the beginning of loneliness and error?
"Don't look down," Mommy had once told me. "Be like a tightrope walker and keep your eyes focused on the future. You have to have more trust in yourself, Pearl."
That was what I would try to do.
3
A Brave New World
The first official day of summer vacation declared itself with record heat. Temperatures cleared the one hundred and five mark and the humidity was so high, I imagined I could see droplets forming in the air right before my eyes. I had only a few blocks to walk to catch the Saint Charles streetcar, which would take me to Broadmoor General Hospital, where I was to work, but by the time I stepped into the car, my clothes were sopping wet and my hair felt glued to my forehead and scalp. Everyone looked subdued by the heat and humidity and sat with drawn, tired faces, anxious to get into their air-conditioned workplaces. Even the canopy of spreading oak, usually high and regal, appeared weighted down and exhausted, the leaves drooping sadly. The birds that normally flitted about joyfully, looked stuffed and stuck to these branches, not wasting their energy.