“You ought to be thanking Luna,” I said. “She was the one who pushed me into going back to your flat.”
“I will. But . . . you didn’t give up on me, even when I wanted you to.” Anne looked at me. “I won’t forget that.”
“Yeah, well, don’t make a habit of it, okay? I really don’t want to go jumping into any more shadow realms after you.”
Anne smiled slightly. “No, I think I got the message this time.”
We sat quietly for a little while. The fox opened one eye briefly, then stretched out on its side and went back to sleep. “That other version of you that I met in Elsewhere,” I said. “Do you talk to her?”
Anne shook her head.
“Maybe you should try.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think . . .” I hesitated, trying to figure out how to say it. “I think you’ve been so afraid of that side of yourself that you’ve gone too far the other way. You’ve been pushing yourself to be good and peaceful all the time, and you don’t have any kind of safety valve. I know I might not be the best role model but . . . speaking from experience, accepting your dark side works a lot better than trying to shut it away.”
“Even after seeing her?” Anne said quietly.
“I’m not saying I’d like to have her around for dinner. But I don’t think it’d be a bad thing if you let yourself act a little bit more like that.” I shrugged. “Besides, if she can’t reach you, you can’t reach her. If you always keep her shut away, then how’s she ever going to get better?”
Anne looked surprised, then thoughtful. Talking to Anne felt more comfortable now. Somehow I’d never really noticed how much she’d been keeping back until she started doing less of it.
“Have you heard anything more about Richard?” Anne asked.
I shook my head.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I said. I got up and walked to the window to stare out into the night, then sighed slightly. “But I know what I need to be doing.”
Anne waited, listening. The living room was silent but for the whisper of nighttime traffic. “Back when I first met you, my life was . . . I want to say easier, but that’s wrong. Simpler, maybe? It wasn’t safe, but all the dangerous stuff was temporary. I always knew that if I could just last it out, then things would go back to normal. And when that was done I spent most days running my shop. I had time.”
“And now you don’t,” Anne said.
“You remember the last thing that Richard said? ‘Until next time.’ He doesn’t give up.” I turned to look at Anne. “He’ll be back. I don’t know how, or when. But there’s a clock now. A month, six months, two years—I don’t know how long, but I can feel it ticking. And when it runs out, if I don’t have what I need . . .” I shook my head. “Most of the last ten years, I’ve been drifting. I can’t do that, not anymore. I need to be ready.”
“Not just you,” Anne said. “We.”
“You know how powerful Richard is,” I said. “He’ll have allies.”
“So do you,” Anne said. “Luna, Vari, Arachne. Me. And the mages you know from the Council, like Sonder and Talisid. You’re not Richard’s apprentice anymore. You’ve got friends.”
I looked back at Anne, then smiled slightly. “I guess that’s a good start.”
I stayed standing by the window. After a moment Anne rose, moving next to me. We stood side by side, looking out into the darkness of the Camden night.