"When you were five?" He looked horrified.
"At least the teachers recognized immediately I wasn't like the other kids, so I was sent to a special school with other supposedly 'gifted' children. But what they really were was a sad little group that no one understood, or wanted to understand. All they wanted was to find out what we could be taught, how much we could learn."
Cam made a sound of regret and sympathy, one that, instead of making her cringe, somehow made her feel better. "I hated it."
"Pretty different from my childhood," he said lightly. "My parents tried not to expect too much from us. Of course, they had three wild, out-of-control boys. They were just thankful we didn't destroy the house on a daily basis."
She smiled a little, and found it felt good. "My mother didn't have that worry. I'm an only child. She enjoyed the freedom of having me away at school. She could continue her social obligations untethered. So I stayed in boarding schools and the path was set."
"Were you unhappy that whole time?"
No one had ever thought about her happiness. No one except Cam. "At first. I got sick a lot. Stomachaches, headaches, that sort of thing. Stress, they determined. So they lightened my load. But school was all that mattered to me at that time, so I got worse."
"Did you go home?"
"No."
He'd gone still, except for his eyes, which searched hers. "I have to tell you, Haley. I don't think I like your mother very much."
She laughed a little. "You know what? I don't like her, either."
"What happened when you got out of school?"
"I finished high school when I was ten. I got my first college degree at twelve. My second at fourteen. By the time I was sixteen, I had my doctorate."
He stared at her, obviously stunned. "At sixteen?"
"Yeah." She smiled, pleased by how much better talking had made her feel. Then, because he looked so cute flustered, and because she felt so light, she giggled. "I have a quick learning curve. School was all I knew, Cam. So I just kept going. And going and going…"
Cam gave her a little smile, but his eyes were filled with anger and compassion, and she found that felt good, too. "Even the Energizer bunny gets a new battery occasionally."
Some of her humor faded. This was the tough part. She'd told no one. "By the time I was twenty, I suffered from insomnia, chronic stomach trouble, exhaustion and was so near a mental breakdown, I could have reached out and touched it."
His mouth tightened, his expression turned grim. "Couldn't anyone see what this was costing you?"
"There was no one to see."
"No one close to you?"
"No."
"No friends?"
"Just acquaintances."
His disbelief was plain. "You're gorgeous, Haley. You must have been fighting the guys off at every turn."
That made her laugh again. "Hardly." She wrapped her arms around herself, dropped her gaze. "For some reason, you look at me with rose-colored glasses. The truth is, I never had to fight off a single man. I think I turned them off because of…"
"Your brain?" He grinned, then sobered. "I can't believe that no one ever saw you for what you are."
"What? A nerd?"
"An intelligent, strong-willed woman-as lovely on the inside as out."
"Thank you," she whispered.
"What happened between you and your mother after you grew up?"
"Not much. I did try, but I knew what a disappointment I was to her, which didn't help my self-esteem." To her horror, she could feel the tears build. "Inside, I was so desperate. Even after all those years, I found myself still wanting her love, her attention. But she just couldn't give it."
"No wonder you were a loner. You'd been brought up that way from the start."
"Maybe. It definitely made it difficult for me to get along with others. Especially men. I- I never- Well." She smiled nervously. "Let's just say men were, and still are, a complete mystery."
He sighed and pulled her close. "Your mother is an idiot, Haley. And so are all the men that passed you over-" He stopped. "A complete mystery," he repeated slowly, looking shell-shocked. "You mean you've never-"
"No," she said shakily, pulling away. She needed distance for this-lots of it. "I've never been with a man before. Pretty pathetic, huh?"
Those amazing dark eyes caressed her. "No. It will mean all the more for you this way. And me."
"You don't understand," she said, flustered by the way he was looking at her. "I think I'm what they call… 'repressed.' You know, 'frigid.'"
A laugh escaped him, but it died quickly enough when she didn't crack a smile. Cupping her shoulders, he turned her toward him. "The woman who can kiss me senseless-the same woman who wrote about wanting to seduce me so that I couldn't even remember where I was… that's the woman you think is repressed? Frigid?" He started to smile again, then read the truth that must have been in her eyes, and straightened. "My God, you're serious. Haley, darlin', you're one of the most sensual women I've ever met. I mean it," he insisted when she scoffed. "I watch you cleaning the house in Nellie's clothes, wearing that clingy thing under your pale blouse. Drives me crazy."
"The camisole?" she asked in surprise. It was plain white and very comfortable. It was also all she had. But just when had he been trying to see beneath her clothes?
"Yeah." His voice was soft and unbearably husky. "The camisole. When you stand in the living room dusting, the sun shines in from the picture window and the blouse turns sheer. It's heaven."
Her lips curved, even as embarrassment dictated some sort of indignation should be shown. "Ever thought about looking away?"
"No." He grinned and flicked a finger lightly over her heated cheeks. "Then I see you hugging my jacket close against you and I imagine it's me keeping you warm instead. I have to admit, I've never been envious of an item of clothing before."
She just stared at him. "You're making this up."
His hand ran down her side, squeezed her waist. His hungry gaze followed the movement. "You may try to hide it, but you have a hot little body I can't seem to get out of my head."
Thinking was difficult whenever he looked at her like that, with passion and promise, but she had to try to get back on track. "My life has been tied up in my studies. I've never taken the time for anything else."
"Because it was easier not to."
"Maybe." She shrugged, and his other hand shifted to her waist, as well. "Things changed when I went to work."
"Changed how?"
She took a deep breath. "Well, work was good. Great, actually. Fulfilling and all that. But the pressure was rugged, the work very intense and the schedule always grueling. My health… suffered. I-"
"Wait." He frowned. "What do you mean, 'suffered'?"
It still hurt, still embarrassed her, to admit this last weakness. "We were under a lot of pressure, there were so many secrets, which are just starting to make sense, but then all I knew was that I had to work. Insanely, around the clock. I lost a little weight, was feeling tired all the time." She shrugged again and backed from his touch. "Then we made that discovery, one that would have revolutionized the way we handle earthquakes." Unable to sit, she bounced up and paced the room while he watched with serious eyes. She stopped before the small dresser with the round mirror above it. Her face, wan and wretched, stared back at her. Visions of the lives her undersea system had destroyed wavered in front of her. Her fault? No. She knew that now, accepted it. But it had been her creation that had started it. "People died, Cam. I blamed myself for those deaths."
"No. Darlin'-"
"Wait. Let me finish, or I'll never be able to get it out. In South America, after I found out, everything suddenly felt like such an effort."