Marcus pinched the bridge of his nose and held on to the words that wanted to burst out. Instead, he spoke slowly and tried for reasonable instead of asshole. “If you change your mind, let me know.”
“Sure.” Noncommittal. The word clipped and tight.
Screw that. Holding on to reasonable got a whole lot harder. “Becki, I mean it. I’ll back off now because you’ve asked me to. But you call me even in the middle of the goddamn night if you need something. Got it?”
“No problem.” Becki couldn’t seem to get out of the conversation fast enough. “I’d better let you go. I’ll see you at training tomorrow.”
He stared at the phone and wondered how bad he had it that his first reaction to that crap was to head over to the dorms and use a little rope on her until she came to her senses.
Anger rushed through him, blazing out of nowhere. Having to leave her behind had nearly ripped him in two. The nausea and fear that had earlier numbed him flipped into fury and he roared, the sound echoing in the empty staff room.
A sharp pulse of pain struck, and he cursed as the demons in his memory swooped in. It was as if they knew he was susceptible—the sight of her wide eyes and her fear bringing in a flood of guilt and regrets.
You can’t help her. You can’t save yourself . . . you can’t save anyone.
He fought the rising violence. Fought the urge to tear apart the room in his frustration. Ignored the aching call that followed that demanded he lie down and disappear into the mindless state that an episode would reduce him to.
Instead, he focused on Becki and clung to the hope she’d brought him. He pictured her green eyes, not fear-filled, but full of passion and life. The memory anchored him, and he caught hold as if she’d personally extended a safety line. Remembering her vivid expressions soothed his raw nerves—all of her moods, whether passion, stubbornness, or righteous anger.
Imagining the caress of her hand on his skin held him back from the precipice.
He forced himself to head home, determined to keep from falling into the darkness again. For Becki’s sake.
The night was cold and shadow-filled, and he wondered if part of the reason he’d wanted so badly for her to accept his offer was for his own sake.
All the rest of the week she kept that barrier between them. He avoided being around while she worked Lifeline, only showing up for their agreed-upon personal training times. Becki hit the wall and fought it as if she were grappling with her own demons instead of handholds. She didn’t argue with him but didn’t have any kind of breakthrough in terms of going vertical.
When it was her turn to take the lead, she was demon-possessed there as well, putting him through workouts that left him drenched in sweat and almost too tired to be annoyed that things were moving in the wrong direction.
Restraining his temper and holding his tongue without insisting that she listen to him and let them get back to where they had been headed was damn hard. It seemed it was going to take something big to get her to listen, and the only big thing that came to mind made him nauseated. Being patient was no longer working—that was clear from the dark circles under both their eyes. It was time he stopped letting her call the shots.
If he had to dress in a tux and face a formal event to make nice, he’d grit his teeth and do it.
CHAPTER 24
“I could get used to this far too easily.” Becki ran a hand over the leather seat between her and Alisha. There were water bottles in the drink tray, and soft music played over the limousine’s speakers.
Alisha lifted a brow. “It’s just a car. With champagne and a driver.”
They grinned at each other.
Becki leaned back in the seat. “David set this up? I mean, it’s nice and all, but I didn’t need to be impressed by being brought to the event in a stretch limo.”
“Last year we had the same thing. I think it’s part of the package deal they get from the Banff Springs when they book the room. Just enjoy.” Alisha cracked open one of the bottles and took a long drink before leaning forward and peering out the window. “It’s too short a drive. We should have asked him to loop through town a few times.”
“Long enough to enjoy.” Becki relaxed as the vehicle turned down a residential street and pulled to a stop outside a tidy house. Erin stepped out and made her way to meet them, her silver skirt flashing against her dark skin as she moved. Becki shifted her legs out of the way as the third woman settled into the open space.
“Ahh, a night of total luxury and pampering. How will we ever put up with it?” Erin lifted her water in the air. “To the Banff SAR School. May there be plenty of wide-open pockets tonight.”
They clicked plastic together.
Becki turned to Alisha. “David mentioned you’re speaking tonight?”
“For a few minutes. Alumni in the area means the sponsors are always keen. David and Marcus have done so much for me over the years, I figure it’s only fair that I do a little to help support them.” Alisha’s eyes widened. “Not that you aren’t supporting them. I mean, I understand completely why you don’t want to talk. I mean . . .”
“Stop while you have only one foot in your mouth,” Erin suggested dryly.
“Oh drat, I’m so embarrassed.” Alisha pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Sorry, Becki, I didn’t mean to be stupid.”
“It’s okay,” Becki reassured her. “It’s not the same thing, either. Yes, I went to the school, but I’m barely back. I think it’s far more important that you tell them about what you’re doing. I’m not actively in SAR anymore.”
“Not right now, but you’ll get there,” Erin pointed out.
Becki ignored the blushing Alisha and concentrated on how wonderful the thought of getting back into working full time made her feel. “I’d like to think so, but teaching isn’t going to be a hardship. Working with Lifeline over the past couple weeks has been good for me.”
“You’ve been good for us, as well,” Alisha insisted. “My foot-in-mouth disease aside. And good for our boss—if you don’t mind me mentioning that.”
Becki glanced at the young woman. “Because me testing his blood pressure on a regular basis is just what he needed?”
Alisha smiled. “Whatever. All I know is that Marcus is planning on coming tonight, and he never comes to these events. The only reason he’s doing it is for you.”
“Where do you hear these things?” Erin demanded.
An innocent shrug lifted Alisha’s shoulders. “If you sit quietly and pretend you’re a mouse, all sorts of interesting information falls into your lap.
The limo crossed the bridge, closing in on the hotel, and Erin frowned. “I thought we were picking up Devon?”
Alisha shook her head. “He’ll meet us there.”
Only she grew redder in the face than before, and Becki wondered what was going on. Especially when Alisha suddenly took a great interest in her nails.
“Oh, you naughty girl.” Erin lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned forward across the distance between the seats. “Did you just leave Devon stranded?”
Alisha pulled out a mirror and checked her makeup. “Well, I might have mentioned something to the driver about only needing to make two stops.”
“Alisha . . .”
Blonde curls swung as Alisha flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Payback is a bitch. He dropped me from the interview and photo shoot. He can take his bicycle to the gala.”
Becki hid her grin as best she could. “I thought you said you didn’t care about the interview.”