Her voice broke and her knees gave way. He was barely in time to catch her, holding her with his body as he guided her to the couch.
Becki attempted to shake off his help, but he held on. “Stop fighting me,” he snapped. “Listen. For one goddamn time in your life, listen first. If I have to tie you up to make you stay put, I swear I will.”
He sat her down and knelt in front of her again, catching hold of her chin in his fingers. Forcing her to look at him. She wasn’t seeing the big picture, so he’d push her in the right direction until she came back to her senses. “This is not the end of your career in the mountains, and you’re being ridiculous if you think it is. Yes, some people will avoid you. Yes, some people will say cruel and cutting things. Fuck them. Fuck them all.”
Misery still stared back, but at least she was listening.
“Wouldn’t that be your comment if years ago someone had said you couldn’t be on a squad because you were a woman? If you overheard someone taunting that there was no way a petite woman like Alisha could possibly be lead hand on an elite SAR team? You’ve always done what you’ve thought was right. You’ve let your actions show what you’re capable of—let your skills prove that you’re competent and strong. Since when have you cared what other people think when what you know—”
She held up a hand to interrupt, head shaking slightly as she blinked back tears. “But Marcus . . . what I know is I did it. That’s what’s killing me. That’s what makes it impossible to join a team. Because when someone doubted me before, yeah, I did toss their opinion out the window. I knew I was qualified. Now? If someone looks at me and doubts? I can’t throw it off. I can’t say fuck them because . . . they could be right.”
Her words had dropped to a whisper, but she kept going. Maintained eye contact as if willing him to understand.
Even in the middle of her confusion and sadness, she had no idea how strong she was. Something inside Marcus turned and settled. She would get past this, and he’d do anything to make sure she got that chance.
“Then take a hiatus until you feel you’re back to speed. Train. Work in positions that build that trust again. I’m willing to take you on, Becki. I know it’s not as glamorous a position, working the call centre, but your skills would be useful there. Don’t give it all up when you don’t have to.”
Becki forced herself to look away and stare at the wall behind his shoulder, slowing her breathing. What he’d suggested made her ache—she wanted it so badly, but it wouldn’t be right.
How could she deliberately allow her now-tarnished reputation to destroy what he’d worked so hard to build? She wouldn’t dream of causing trouble to even a casual co-worker, let alone a compatriot she respected.
She definitely couldn’t do it to the man she loved.
“I don’t want to leave, but I can’t stay. I can’t ask you and Lifeline to make that kind of sacrifice for me.”
Marcus caught her hand. “You’ve trusted me over the past couple of weeks. You put yourself into my hands on the wall and in my bed. Has that stopped? Do you not think you can depend on me anymore?”
Another shock raced through her as she shook her head in denial. “I trust you, but I don’t see how that matters. My having faith in you doesn’t change the facts.”
“It matters because I don’t think you need to leave, and if you trust me, you’ll let me find a way to help you get through this temporary situation.”
She collapsed into the cushions a little harder. It was useless. He wasn’t giving up the fight, and she couldn’t understand why he was being so stubborn. “And here’s where we go back to fighting, because I doubt what I’ve got is a short-term issue.”
“You’re blinded by emotion right now. The situation will change. Don’t leave me when a little time—”
He snapped to a stop.
The buzzing in her ears made her doubt she’d heard him correctly, but his shocked expression was a dead giveaway. Was that why he’d come away with her in the first place—the reason he’d refused to share? Was it possible he’d actually come to care for her as well?
“Marcus?”
He took a deep breath as he lifted her knuckles to his lips. “Don’t leave me.”
Her throat tightened and her heart raced, this time with a strange mixture of hope and lingering sadness. “I don’t want to leave, either,” she confessed.
“Then don’t.” He made it sound so simple. “I want you around. I want you in my house, and down at the gym, shouting at me to train harder. I want you working with my team, however you and they feel comfortable, because I’m one hundred percent sure there’s a place for you.”
Having a total change in her circumstances seemed impossible. Becki stared at his eyes. Anchoring herself in what she saw there. It was the best of both worlds, if she was willing to take the chance.
Loud ringing tore them both from the moment, the metallic sound echoing strangely in the rustic setting.
“Sat phone.” He rushed to the case that held it, snapped open the lid, and pulled it free. He lifted it to his ear.
“Marcus Landers.” He frowned, and her stomach fell.
She wasn’t ready to deal with a reporter yet. Becki wished she could crawl back into bed and hide for a while. The only thing keeping her from running in terror was the knowledge that Marcus wouldn’t force her to handle this alone.
But he wasn’t slamming down the receiver, either, which was what she’d have expected if it were something she could ignore. She stepped closer, a familiar masculine voice carrying over the line.
There was another short burst of words. Even at a distance she heard the fear. Marcus responded soothingly. “Hang on. She’s right here. You’re going to be fine. Just talk to Becki, and we’ll come as quick as we can.”
Marcus held out the phone. “It’s your brother. He’s in trouble.”
CHAPTER 33
Her brother?
Becki snatched the phone from Marcus. “Colin?”
A slight static buzz echoed over the line. “Bec. I need help. I called Mr. Landers from the school and he put me through to you. He’s sending a team to pick you up. We’re trapped, and Rob’s hurt.”
Confusion rushed her. Last she’d heard, her brother was back home in Saskatchewan. “Where are you? Why are you calling me?”
“It was a surprise—I’m coming to SAR school this summer. My buddy and I figured we’d get in a climb before we have to settle in. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, just a lark, but it’s socked in so hard I can’t see a thing. Rob slipped and fell—I think his leg is broken.”
The confusion was still there, but Becki pulled herself back into routine. Somewhere in the background Marcus was moving, but all her focus was on the phone call and what they needed here and now. “Colin, I need you to give me short answers. Are you hurt?”
“No. Rob is.”
“Where are you?” How he’d tracked her down didn’t matter at this point.
“In the Needles. I told Mr. Landers that, and I gave him our GPS location. You brought me here, remember? The summer after you graduated?”
Oh God. That area was fabulous on a clear day, a hellish maze when the weather turned. Becki swallowed her fears, strode to the door, and jerked it open. Here in the cabin they were above the clouds, the peaks opposite them clearly visible, but everything below them was shrouded in thick cloud cover. It must have crept in over the past hour.
“Is Rob okay?”
“I made him as comfortable as I can, but I don’t want to move him too much. We’re on a narrow lip, Bec. He was heading out on second lead and slipped before he set his first anchor.”