— black woods surround you, wipe your forehead
black swamps surround you, stay here and live
the teeth of the white dog cannot reach to bite you
black fields hold their hissing hands out to you
take shelter behind the pine forest, gather dropwort
black swamps surround you, wipe your forehead
your retreat to the ninth breath was not in vain
keep your sorrow behind you, your joy in your arms
there will be a sharp fog when you open your eyes
the teeth of the white dog cannot reach to bite you
the breath and the palm, they will guide you
black woods surround you, don’t cry, but sing…
He had been left alone in the dark expanse and tore the lines from deep within his chest like flaming bullets, like his life depended on it. They died and were born from the death of the last, joined like the links in a chain of logic that only he understood, and they held fast. In it wavered his childhood, moments from the murder, serving his guilt and time, glimmers of Ieva and Monta, of his mother and father, and the black woods — places that, when he saw them, always caused a sharp ache in his heart because you could also love a place to the point where seeing it made your chest feel it was on fire.
Then the poem was over and he snapped out of it, thrown back into the shallows, into a strange kitchen where he’d said too much and, even worse, bared his soul through words.
Because of that third glass! Hadn’t life taught him all good things come in twos? Two cigarettes. Two glasses. Have a third and the rest of the numbers are redundant.
Andrejs rushed out of the kitchen and started pulling on his coat in the dark hallway. The woman followed quietly behind him like a cat and turned on a tiny, yellow wall lamp. She stroked his shoulders, neck, unshaved cheek, everywhere she could touch his skin.
She whispered:
“Such a beautiful poem. Did you come up with it in prison?”
“No, just now. And what about you?”
“Me — what?”
“He’s dead, but you’ve moved on?”
“Yes, slowly. What else can you do?”
“Prisoners. We’re prisoners in this life. Us. Everyone.”
He yanked on the door.
“Unlock it!”
The woman obediently found the key in a basket and put it in the lock. When Andrejs was already on the threshold, she suddenly and quietly asked:
“What about the roast?”
Andrejs hugged her to him. Strange lips like an undiscovered steppe.
Screw the steppes, Ludmila, let’s forget the steppes and our words, you were Ruslans’s Ludmila, but you’ll be my Demeter, the fertile earth herself! Someone discovered us long ago, gave us words hundreds and thousands of years ago. How I ache, how I search for this Giver of Words, I want to shake his hand and thank him for his creation — I sense that we won’t be the ones to give words, that time will grind us down and scatter our dust thrice over a broken field, the goddess Demeter and me, your mortal beloved — but I’d still like to look into the face of the Giver of Words, he is all-knowing! Look into the eyes of the Giver of Words, and finally find peace.
And then came the abyss, she embraced him, absorbed him, took him in and swallowed him like Calypso swallowed Odysseus, while he inwardly longed for the coldness of night, the bridge over the river and his moment of existence, his long-standing sentence of loneliness.
Too tired to object, he quietly prayed to the Lord, and the Lord came over him and he finally grew calm, having sunk his thorn into His hot center.
When he woke up the next morning, he was alone in the room. The smell of the roast and the woman’s singing floated from the kitchen.
It was a harsh morning, misty and cold. They ate. The food was delicious, rich, like her.
He asked:
“Don’t you have to go to work?”
“But today’s Saturday,” she answered.
As if he didn’t know.
“These days some people have to work Saturdays, too.”
“Oh, that. I work in accounting at the prison.”
Andrejs was speechless:
“So you do!”
“When he died in the hospital in Riga, the kids and I left the city. Took a train on a whim, the farther away the better. Got off at the last station, rented an apartment, asked around for work. Turns out this town has a prison and the prison was looking for an accountant. Might as well, I thought! If it’s a prison, it’s a prison. No reason trying to run from your destiny. Nothing wrong with work, either. It’s a good job, stable.”
“Yeah it is,” Andrejs laughed.
“A person’s got to eat. We’re prisoners in this life, you said it yourself last night.”
They watched some TV. There was a commercial for some movie playing at Cinema Riga.
“Would be good to see a movie,” she suddenly said.
“Go to Riga?”
“Why not? I haven’t been to the movies in ages! Or to Riga.”
He was horrified by the idea, but she was already getting dressed and humming. So be it, he thought, feeling very unexpectedly generous.
The woman had dressed up nicely for the event — she’d done her hair and put on makeup, put on a light dress under a short jacket, silk stockings and heels. Like a girl, he thought. It didn’t suit her. But what can you do if a trip like this to Riga happened only once in a while?
The train was full, but they were able to find seats facing each other by a window. Andrejs was embarrassed to look at the woman, her legs seemed too naked for the winter weather, so pornographically, screamingly lewd. This nakedness radiated toward Andrejs and completely unsettled him because something in it was meant only for him, aggressive like a good poem. Oh, Demeter, he thought, staring stubbornly at the reflection of his own dark face in the window, not looking at her once, even though she now and then touched his leg with her shiny, stocking-clad ankle. He even ignored her questions until she grew annoyed and glared straight ahead, the smile gone from her face as she was rocked by the rhythm of the train. Then he could safely scowl at her hair in the reflection in the window.
There was no snow, and after three and a half hours they stepped out onto the black asphalt of the Riga Passenger Station platform. The wind was biting, and the train’s passengers burrowed deeper into their coats and quickly disappeared into the belly of the station.
“The movie theater’s back this way,” Andrejs said. “Let’s go along the tracks, and then we’ll head down into the city.”
“Why that way?” the woman was surprised.
“No point in wasting money for the tram.”
The woman hesitated. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at her, just leered at her sidelong like a wolf. She was close to tears, trying to keep her jacket closed with one hand and beginning to think something wasn’t quite right.
“Let’s go! It’s not far.”
They started to walk along the side of the tracks. Andrejs in front, hands jammed into his pockets and shoulders hunched forward. The woman behind him, with her exposed, white legs and heels, jumping over the ties and rusted iron of the switches. The wind blew open the slit in her dress and her legs were covered in goose bumps. Her nervous footing caught in the gaps between the ties.