“Oh, honey.”
He shook his head. “Part of the job description.”
“Just because you know it’s a risk doesn’t mean you have to bear it all with your chin up.” She cuddled closer and kissed his shoulder. “Sorry. I’ll keep quiet.”
Having her in his arms made it easier to keep going. “I had our patient over my shoulders. The guy next to me, Barger, took a wrong step. I didn’t even have time to register what happened when I was flying through the air.” The world had dissolved to pain and red and a roaring in his ears. “I don’t remember much after that.” The PJ still in the helicopter had filled in the details. How Barger was beyond saving, and how the blast had severed an artery in his leg, killing him within minutes. That was the hardest part to live with—knowing that he hadn’t saved his friend. Yes, he’d saved the man they were sent in for, but it wasn’t enough. “I woke up in the hospital in Landstuhl. They’d done what they could at the local base, and they saved my life, but they weren’t worried about making me pretty.”
He paused, half expecting her to cut in with something, some meaningless apology, or an assurance that he really was a hero even though he’d failed his teammate. He should have known better. Alexis didn’t do any of that. She just pressed another kiss to his neck and hugged him tight. “I’m glad you lived.”
“I am, too.” If he hadn’t, there would be no ridiculous mission sending him across Europe after this woman who seemed to see the man beneath the scars, this woman who was stronger than she gave herself credit for, who’d given him a gift beyond measure. “It was a long recovery, and the doc sat me down three weeks into it and flat out told me that I’d never regain full motion in my knee, and the muscle damage meant it’d always cause me problems, no matter how hard I worked.”
This part, strangely enough, was harder to get out than the rest. “I went into the military straight out of high school. It gave me a purpose I was missing. It was my everything.”
“You lost your identity and purpose in one fell swoop.”
Exactly. “I’m not proud of it. Seems a man should be more than his job.” But everything about Luke had been wrapped up in the PJs. Without that…What was left? He laid his cheek against her hair as the answer came to him for the first time that he’d been wrong—he was more than the PJs. He was a nephew and a mechanic and a man. More than that, he was a survivor.
And the woman in his arms was the one who’d forced him to realize it.
Chapter Eighteen
Alexis woke up wrapped around Luke. It was a really nice place to be. She took the opportunity to study his sleeping face. His beard was a little longer, and he looked tired even while sleeping, but some of the tension that had become so familiar was gone. It made sense. He’d been carrying around a burden to rival hers for a long time. It was enough to make her shake her head. Someone would have to search to find two people as messed up as they were. And yet…they seemed to fit each other.
Maybe all a person needed was someone to stop long enough to try to really understand where they’d come from.
Luke had done that and more—he’d given her back a part of herself she’d been searching for. And maybe, just maybe, she’d done a little of the same for him. She reached up and cupped his jaw, sliding her hand over the scruff. He opened his eyes. “You were watching me sleep.”
“Guilty as charged.”
He stretched beneath her and yawned. “I guess I can live with that.”
The train chose that moment to slow, nearly toppling her off his lap. Luke caught her before she fell and lifted her back onto the bed. “We’re almost there.”
She looked out the window, her eyes widening when she caught sight of… “Canals. We’re in Venice?”
“I figured Verona could wait a few days, since Venice is on the way. New experiences, remember?”
“This trip is full of them.” She accepted her bag when he passed it over and slipped on her jacket. Then she followed him toward the same door they’d come in. The early-morning sun hit her face, and she couldn’t help smiling. “This is amazing. I’ve only read about this place in one of the many travel books I’ve checked out over the years. Thank you, Luke.”
He took her hand. “Bri must be delighted that one of the Yeung sisters actually darkens the door of the library from time to time.”
The world took a slow turn, and reality slammed into her hard enough to steal her breath. She looked at him, willing the words to have not just come out of his mouth. But Luke only looked at her with an expectant expression, waiting for her reply. She took her hand from his and stumbled away. “You…”
“Darlin’, what’s wrong?”
Everything. She could barely hear him over the pounding in her head. All the times she’d thought his story didn’t quite line up and convinced herself she was being paranoid. She’d been right all along. The only way he could know that Bri ran the library back in Wellingford was if he knew Ryan. Luke moved to take her hand, but she backed out of reach. “Don’t touch me.”
“Alexis, what’s wrong?”
He hadn’t even realized his slip. A small, traitorous part of her wanted to keep her mouth shut and cling to what they had. But she’d be clinging to a lie, and she’d learned the hard way that the truth would use the first opportunity to rise up and punch her in the throat just like it’d done so many times before. Accusations flew to her lips, driven by an anger she clung to because the only other option was to face the all-encompassing loss threatening to take over. “Ryan asked you to come, didn’t he?” It was the only option. No one else in their group had the military background and contacts to call in a favor like this.
Luke went still and then closed his eyes. “Shit.”
Any hope that she’d had of being wrong disappeared as his shoulders slumped. It was true. Ryan and Drew and her sister hadn’t trusted her enough to let her do this alone. That hurt almost as much as the realization that Luke had been lying to her this entire time. “How do you know him?”
He opened his eyes. “We were PJs together.”
The bottom of her stomach dropped out. He wasn’t even a goddamn Marine. Had anything he said over the last week actually been true? “Wow.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to get this out of control.”
“That’s the best you have? When were you going to tell me the truth?” She took another step back. “When I asked you to meet my family and friends? Or were you just going to smile and pretend they hadn’t sent you to keep me in line? God, you’re such a damn liar.”
“You were going to invite me home with you?” He shook his head as if trying to clear it. “Just hold on.” He held up his hands, but didn’t try to approach. “I meant what I said last night and this morning.”
“What part? The part where you said you wanted more with me? Or the part where I’m worth more than a womb?” Tears clogged her throat, but she refused to let them free. It was a lie. Her independence. Her freedom. Her actually starting to feel like she might have found the missing part of herself. All of it. “Did Ryan tell you exactly what to say to make me feel like I was actually accomplishing something over here? You must have gotten a good laugh over it.”
“I didn’t do shit except chase after you. You did the rest yourself.”
“You mean babysit. Did he tell you to sleep with me, too? It must have been difficult to get over your distaste for the spoiled little princess long enough to get me into bed. You really took one for the team.” She’d thought she experienced heartbreak when Eric sat her down to tell her it was over.
It was nothing compared to this.
Luke’s mouth went tight. “Enough, Alexis. We can talk this out.”