Moving back to him, I held out a hand. “Let me take you home. To your place.”
He slowly pushed to his feet but without my help. “You go, Hol. I’ll make my own way.” We were easily an hour’s drive from Jasper’s. How long would it take him to walk that far? I wrapped my arms around myself. I wouldn’t even consider doing that.
“No,” I whispered.
He frowned, the rapidly approaching dusk lending odd shadows to his face. I watched the last rays of light playing over his stubbled chin, and I waited for him to speak. “I’m not good company, Hol. You’re best—”
“I’m best with you,” I blurted. Thank God it was too dark for him to see my cheeks coloring. I would not let this amazing man continue to beat himself up for something completely out of his control. He might hate me after tomorrow, after he’d returned to his friends and colleagues, but I’d damned well make sure I distracted him tonight.
I forced myself to take another step, moving into his space, crowding him. Not giving him the choice, I grabbed both his hands and squeezed tight. “Let me look after you.” Stretching up, I nuzzled against his chin and felt the rasp of his bristles on my face. “Don’t argue. Come with me.” I brushed my lips over his and felt his resistance, felt him tensing as though he would pull back.
I didn’t give him time to think about it. Releasing his hands, I wound both arms around his neck and kissed him, hard. Please let me love you. His lips were cold. He could have been drinking ice water. Please let me take care of you. Was he frozen inside, too?
“Holly,” he murmured, “I can’t—” No. I refused to listen. When his mouth opened to speak, I darted my tongue inside, flicking and teasing. He sighed. Hot breath flashed over my cheek. “It’s not fair to you.”
“Let me be the judge of that.” I clung tighter and claimed his lips again, praying I wasn’t wrong, hoping I hadn’t screwed up.
“Christ.” He responded, cupping both hands around my face and dropping hungry kisses over my mouth. “You deserve better than me, baby.” At last he was kissing me back. His resistance melted and a second later, he scorched me with the blast as he devoured me. I could have been a dead tree in a forest fire. When he left, all that would remain would be a pile of ash.
I don’t know how long we stood there, entwined on the car park, but when I finally lifted my head, it was completely dark. My heart raced, and every cell in my body burned for him. I placed my palm over his chest and marveled at the steady thump of his heart. How did he have such an effect on me?
“Do you need to see your brother? Walk the dogs?”
“Yes. No. I’m not sure.” I curled my fingers into his jacket, unwilling to move, to pick up my responsibilities again.
Zack smoothed some loose hairs back from my face, his touch painfully gentle. “I’ll drive. You ring him.” He gazed deep into my eyes, his lips a heartbeat away. “If you want to come back with me, I can’t promise to be gentle with you, Hol. I want to pound into you all night long, fuck you until you don’t remember your own name. Do you understand?” Dark flames of lust danced in my belly at his words. He wanted to lose himself in me.
I was already lost.
Chapter Twenty
The drive back to Jasper’s was silent. Zack gripped my hand where it lay on his thigh, and I clung to him, trying to reassure him with my presence. I kept thinking about Marnie and her missing boyfriend. Of the elegant Steph and how she fit into Zack’s life, and of Marnie’s cat. The cellar had reeked of cat piss; had her beloved pet returned home when Marnie died? She’d only moved a few streets away by all accounts, and cats were notorious for finding their way back to their old homes.
There were too many thoughts rattling around inside my head, and I was relieved to get back to Jasper’s and the simple chores that awaited me. Zack helped. The dogs would be fine without a walk tonight and so we just fed them and then made our supper. None of us were particularly hungry, and we picked at toasted sandwiches as we sat around the kitchen table.
Jas looked pale and ill, and after a couple of mouthfuls, he pushed his plate away. “I can’t believe she’s gone. I should have done more. If I hadn’t been so careless…”
I was confused. “What do you mean?”
“I helped her move, right? And I meant to stop by every day, just to see if she was okay. Make sure Barry wasn’t giving her grief. But I didn’t.” He tugged at his hair and then turned to me, his eyes full of pain. “The night after, I was driving over the hill in a fuckin’ foul mood and not paying attention to the road. And yeah, next thing I’m in hospital, and I didn’t think about anything but myself for the next two weeks. I didn’t even text her.”
I knew how much pain he’d been in, how he’d been dopey for days while they fixed up his leg. I touched the back of his hand. “You weren’t texting anyone, Jas. You were barely even speaking at first. You can’t blame yourself.”
“Easy to say.” Jas shrugged. “If I hadn’t crashed my car—”
“And if I’d paid attention, I would have done something about it years ago.” Zack’s face was a mask. “You did a fuck sight more than me. The only thing we can do now is make sure that bastard faces justice.”
“I’ll do everything I can.” My brother and my lover stared at each other and seemed to reach a silent understanding. We didn’t speak any more after that. Zack helped me clean up, and then I went to grab my toothbrush and a clean pair of panties for the morning.
When I returned to the kitchen I noticed an odd atmosphere, a new tension that hadn’t been there earlier. Jas stood by the table, crutches under his arms, glowering up at Zack. He, in turn, stood quietly, hands at his sides. I’d heard the buzz of voices without paying attention to what they were saying, and I lurked now in the doorway, curious about their conversation.
“You hurt my sister and you answer to me. Got that?” Jas sounded menacing, and I stared in amazement. Zack was taller and wider and could probably snap my deluded brother in half if he felt so inclined, but he stayed calm and nodded earnestly. I felt a wave of affection for my little brother. His heart was in the right place.
I cleared my throat, and they both jerked to attention and turned to face me, matching false smiles in place. “What are you two doing?”
Zack straightened his shoulders and held out a hand to Jas. “I’m leaving early in the morning, so I might not see you again.” They shook hands, all very formal. “Thank you for taking care of Marnie. I owe you for that. If you ever need my help…” He left the sentence hanging but Jas nodded.
“Yeah, and good luck to you. Stay safe.”
…
We walked slowly back to Zack’s place, and I listened to the night creatures around us, the only sounds apart from the padding of our feet and the ever present rumble of the surf. The night was warm and humid, and I wondered if a storm was approaching. It was unseasonably mild, and I considered again why Marnie might have been going for firewood. Why she was even on that property. Something else didn’t add up, but I hesitated to say my thoughts aloud.
Her boyfriend was supposed to have found her when he came home from work, but the meal abandoned on the kitchen table had been breakfast.
I gave myself a mental shake. There was no point in saying anything. Zack was hurting enough already. Instead, I squeezed his fingers and inched closer for the last few meters. There was one question I had to ask, though, and I fumbled for the right words. “I want to ask you about Steph.”
“Steph?” His nose wrinkled as though puzzled. “What about Steph?”
“Your, uh, mother said something.”
His brows tugged together in confusion and created a furrow on his forehead. I wanted to kiss it away. “What’s my mother got to do with anything?”