We stayed silent as Sam hauled the weeping man to his feet and shoved him toward his truck. There were no words. Nothing was appropriate. I thought I’d seen death and destruction when my parents died, but this was different. This was horror on a whole new scale. Would Zack ever get over this?
It was as Sam’s truck bounced over the sand and away from the cottage that I remembered the thought that’d eluded me. “What time is it?”
Zack stared blankly at me, but Petey groaned and slapped himself on the forehead. “Fuck, man, she’s right. You’ve got a flight to catch.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zack held me close, his arms tight around me. I don’t know how long we stood there, entwined on the deck, but it wasn’t long enough.
“Uh, dude. I hate to interrupt, but…” Petey nudged him with his elbow.
“Yeah.” He didn’t move. “How soon until we leave?”
“Fifteen minutes.”
“I need to shower.” He dropped a delicate kiss onto my forehead and then disentangled himself. I sank into the nearest chair. I felt raw, as though my skin had been peeled off, and I was left to stand naked, vulnerable to every speck of dust and gust of wind. My mind whirled, a crazy kaleidoscope of disturbing images. Barry’s tears. His callous behavior. The way Zack had laid into him, fists pounding. The fact that Sam had found him at all, and then delivered him to Zack. The very real possibility I’d never see my soldier again.
His friends pottered around, drinking water and chatting in an undertone. I was glad they ignored me. Should I even still be there? I hadn’t said good-bye to Zack. I couldn’t go yet.
My stomach clenched at the prospect. How could it be that my heart was still beating? I pressed one hand to my chest. Yes, the steady thump-thump continued.
A fragment of conversation filtered through my brain, and I listened. Anders had said something about Zack not needing to go back. “Excuse me.” They both paused and stared at me. “What you just said, about Zack. He doesn’t need to return to Afghanistan?”
Anders cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah.”
My throat tightened. I whirled my fingers in the air for him to continue.
“He, uh, was given the option of staying here. We don’t normally continue with a deployment after compassionate leave.”
“So why is he?” It came out as a whisper.
Anders blew out a short breath, his fingers rising to fiddle with the neckline of his T-shirt. “He, uh, insisted. Said there was nothing here to stay for.”
Oh God. I was right. My proud, beautiful warrior thought nobody cared about him. I wouldn’t let him continue to think that.
…
I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Zack to emerge from the en suite bathroom. I had to tell him what he meant to me, risk my heart and my battered self-confidence, and be honest with him. The way he behaved with me, kissing me in front of his friends and family, the multitude of little affectionate moves and gestures… they had to mean something. I refused to believe I was just a one-night stand.
It was more than sex.
The shower went quiet and my heart rate increased from a jog to a full-scale sprint. He’d be out in a minute. My palms were damp, and I placed them flat on the bedcover. I’d never been so nervous, and I still didn’t know exactly what I was going to say to him.
The door opened on a wave of citrus-scented steam, and there was Zack, a white towel cinched around his waist, wet hair stuck to his head. His face lit up when he saw me, lips curling, and eyes crinkling in the corners. “Hol.”
I pushed myself to stand up, even though my knees were trembling, and I tried to find my voice. My tongue was thick and useless. The best I could manage was a wobbly smile. It didn’t matter. He looped one warm arm around my middle and pressed a heated kiss on my lips. “I wish we had more time, baby. There’s something I want to ask you.”
He ran his knuckles down my cheek and then buried his hand in my hair. All of a sudden, he looked serious again. The smile was gone and a wariness had taken up residence in his eyes. “I don’t have any right to ask you, and fuck knows, I’ve been an asshole today.” He paused, and swallowed. “When I’m back from deployment, maybe we could meet up again? I’ve never felt this way about a girl before, never wanted more than a couple of nights. You make me want more, Holly. You make me want everything.”
He wanted to see me again. Delight stole my breath, and I stared at him, dumbfounded. I’d been going to ask him the same thing. He wants me. My heart danced and leaped in my chest, and I’m sure a big goofy smile was spreading across my face.
Not quick enough, though. Zack grimaced and dropped his hand from my hair. “Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry. I just thought—”
“Yes,” I interrupted. “Yes, I want to.”
“You do?” Hope shone in his eyes.
“Yes. God, yes.” I gazed at him, my eyes wet, but with relief. “It’s all happened so quickly, but you, we…us,” I hesitated, tongue-tied. “It feels good, Zack. Very good.” The words finally came into my head. “You mean a lot to me. Already.” I refused to think about my career, a mere twelve thousand miles away. This felt too right to lose. “I’ll wait here for you. Until you get back.”
He looked dazed, as astounded as I felt. “Are you sure? I’ll be gone for months.”
I buried my face against his naked chest. “Try keeping me away.”
We emerged from Zack’s bedroom and interrupted a heated discussion between his friends. They quieted and turned to face him. Anders shoved his hands in his pockets and lifted his chin. “We’ve got a suggestion. You need to listen.”
“Sure.”
“Going back to Afghan now, it’s not right. You need to stay here, at least for the moment. Make sure that fucker gets what he deserves.”
“Tell me.” Zack blew out a harsh breath. “I was thinking of asking for an extension, but I don’t know what the protocol is. Who the fuck do I talk to?”
“The RSM.” Anders glanced at me. “The Regimental Sergeant Major at Linton,” he explained. “He can make the calls for you, lodge a request with Joint Forces HQ.” He paused. “You can ask to cut the deployment short.”
“I could ask for more time, but I’m not going to leave the unit a man down.”
“I’ll volunteer in your place.”
Zack opened his mouth and then snapped it shut again. A moment later, he shook his head. “No. I won’t let you do that.”
Anders shrugged. “You can’t stop me.”
“Dude, you don’t know what it means for you to offer, but no. You didn’t volunteer for this one with good reason.” Stepping forward, Zack and Anders bumped fists. “Thank you. I mean it.”
“Okay then.” Petey bumped fists with them both in turn. “Let’s go find the RSM.”
Zack bent down and picked up his rucksack, swinging it over one shoulder. “Yeah. You go on, I’ll be out in a minute.”
He waited until his friends had gone outside, before he spoke to me. Pulling me close, he ran one hand through my hair before pressing a fierce kiss on my lips. “I’ve no idea what’s going to happen. If the RSM says yes, I might get another week here, maybe two. If he says no, I’ll be on the next transport out of Wellington. I might not get to see you again, Hol. Not until the deployment finishes.”
“Will you be able to call me? Tell me what’s going on?”
“As soon as I know, I’ll be on the phone to you.”
Thoughts spun and danced in my head. We were out of time, but I had another thing to say. “If you don’t have to leave right away, you can always come and stay with me. And Jas. If you want to.”
The love in his eyes was unmistakable. “Try keeping me away.”