“I have almost a dozen lovers at home, Ethan. If the ardeur binds you to me then you get in line, and Jean-Claude, Nathaniel, Micah, some of the others are always at the head of the line.”
“How often do you make love to the men who aren’t at the top of the list?”
I touched his chest, running my hand over the muscled swell of his pectoral. He was so lean that all the muscles showed. He was almost too lean, but not quite; it just looked like his body type.
He pressed his hand over mine, holding it still against his chest. “How often?”
“I don’t keep count.”
“Average?”
“Three days a week, I guess.”
He laughed a surprised sound. It made me look at his face. “That’s a lot better than I’m getting now.”
“That’s if you’re okay with being in the bed with other men and me. Since there’s so many we do a lot of group scenes. It helps everyone get more turns.”
“And you’re the only girl for all of them?”
I thought about that. “No, a couple of them have other lovers.”
“And you’re all right with that?”
It was my turn to look surprised at him. “Are you kidding? There’s only so much time in the day, so a helping hand is great, especially for the men that I’m not in love with.”
He nodded. “So, I could have a girlfriend if I found someone who would have me?”
“I’d encourage it.”
“Because you wouldn’t be in love with me.”
“But you might be in love with me, do you understand that?”
His face was solemn again. “I do.”
“And you still want to feed me?”
He raised my hand up and laid a gentle kiss on my palm. “You’ve already given me more physical contact than I’ve had from a woman in two years.”
I couldn’t keep the surprise and the near horror off my face. “Dear God, Ethan, not even sleeping in big naked kitty piles?”
“I am an outcast, Anita, barely tolerated. I will be their muscle until the day something faster and stronger than I am kills me. It is my only use to the red clan. You don’t cuddle at night with someone you’re sure is basically a meat shield.”
“That’s harsh,” I said.
“It’s my life.”
In my head I thought, It’s not much of a life. “If you come to St. Louis there will be plenty of people to cuddle with, as long as you don’t insist on it all being weretigers.”
He entwined his fingers with mine. “You have such small hands.”
“They match the rest of me,” I said.
He smiled. “Not all of you is small. Your breasts are amazing.”
“Yeah, yeah, my chest is all breasts.”
“No, breasts, and muscle. You’re in amazing shape. You hit the gym like a guard.”
“I work out with our guards as often as I can.”
He gave me wide eyes. “I’ve never heard of a royal that works out with the guards.”
“I’m not big on the whole royalty thing,” I said.
“Our queen thinks you show a lack of respect.”
“She’s right,” I said.
“It’s been wonderful sleeping next to a woman again. I hadn’t realized how much I missed just holding someone in my arms.”
I realized that Ethan wasn’t dominant enough to push the sex forward. I was going to have to be bolder, or we’d be talking for another hour. Talking was good, I liked that I could talk to him, but I needed to feed the ardeur and find Edward. He needed me at his back.
“Kiss me,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“Kiss me.”
He looked uncertain then, nervous.
“Has it been two years since you kissed a girl?”
He nodded, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes.
I reached up with the hand he wasn’t holding and touched his face, made him look at me. “Has it been two years since you’ve done anything with a girl?”
“Yes.” He whispered it.
I smiled at him, trying to make it gentle. “You’re going to be good at it.”
“How can you tell?”
“You’re a wereanimal, so that makes you a sensualist, and I’ve seen you fight. You know how to use your body; that translates to the bedroom.”
“I’ve known fighters who weren’t good in the bedroom.”
“They had issues,” I said.
“How do you know that I don’t have issues?”
“Everyone has issues,” I said, “but if the issues are too much I’ll let the ardeur free and it takes away all the doubts.”
“I didn’t think I’d be this nervous,” he said, and he let go of my hand and just looked at me.
“It’s okay to be nervous,” I said.
“Are you nervous?” he asked.
I smiled at him. “I was, but I’m not now.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because you’re more nervous than I am.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Why shouldn’t that make you more nervous? Why don’t you think I’m a pussy for being nervous?”
“You called me sweet earlier; I’ll return the compliment.”
“Sweet isn’t what a woman wants from a man.”
“Oh, I think you’ll find that a lot of women rate sweetness in a man pretty damn high.”
“Do you?”
I smiled up at him. “Kiss me, Ethan, just kiss me, and we’ll go from there.”
“Why not feed the ardeur and take all the doubts?”
“Because I’d like some of what we do to just be us, and not the metaphysics.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I’d rather ease you into your first sex in two years than pounce on you like a starving wolf.”
“Pounce on me?” He gave me a look as if he didn’t think I could pounce on him.
“Oh, yeah,” I said, “I could totally pounce on you.”
He smiled, flashing those dimples. “Bet you couldn’t.”
“If you mean arm-wrestle you and win, you’re right. I’d lose, but pouncing isn’t about strength.”
“What is it about?” he asked.
“Sex,” I said.
He frowned at me. “I do not think pouncing means the same thing to you that it means to me, then.”
I grinned at him. “Probably not, but you want me to have sex with you, right?”
“Very much.”
“Then I’ll win, because you want to me to pounce on you.”
He flashed those dimples again. “You’re saying that I’ll let you win.”
I reached up, sliding my hands over his shoulders, drawing him down toward me. “I’m saying that it’s a win-win.” My hands slid down his back as he came closer.
His face was so close I couldn’t focus on it, as he said, “I like to win.”
“So do I,” I said. I whispered it against his lips.
Then he kissed me, tentative at first, as if he weren’t quite sure what to do, and then a sound escaped his throat. A sound full of longing, eagerness, and he remembered how to kiss. He remembered how to kiss, and how to have eager hands run down my body while he did it. We kissed until we had to break just to catch our breath, and broke apart laughing.
We laughed until he moved his hips just a little and I could feel that he was hard and eager now. It made me look down at him and there was nothing soft now. He was very hard, long and smooth, and wide. “You’re beautiful,” I said.
“I’ve never had a woman say that to my penis before.”
I looked at his face. “Then they were fools, and I like men. I like everything about them.”
“Most women seem a little afraid of us.”
I shook my head. “I’m not afraid.”
“No,” he said, and his voice was growing deeper, “you’re not.” He drew out of my arms and slid lower on my body. “I want to taste you. I want to look up your body and watch your eyes roll back into your head, and then I want inside you.”
Just staring down at him, watching that eager darkness fill his eyes, tightened things low in my body. I tried to get in my way; tried to keep myself from enjoying the moment, but the ardeur was just there behind my eyes, inside my head, my heart, my gut, and it wanted him. The beasts inside me seemed strangely sluggish. The weretigers in all their colors that had been so eager for him earlier flicked a tail tip at me, opened lazy eyes the color of fire, and three different shades of blue: pale sky blue, the gray-blue of a cloudy day, and blue with that golden edge of dawn to it. All three of the tigresses concerned with the man who was kissing his way down my hip seemed almost sleepy, content, as if they’d already fed, or just woken from a nap. Apparently, the drugs they’d given me for pain really had worked. I’d remember to get the name of the drug so I could share it with the other wereanimals. Any painkiller that actually worked for lycanthropes would be a real godsend.