"I haven't seen Shai-ster lately, but I do know he's been working hard at the project."
"That's right." Aahz chimed in. "From what Skeeve's been telling us, Shai-ster is a good man. If he can't pull it off, you might as well pack up and go home."
"He's an idiot!" Don Bruce roared, and for a moment we could see the steel inside the velvet glove. "The reason you haven't seen him is that I've pulled him from the project completely. He thought we should give up, too."
"You aren't giving up?" I said, fearfully. "I can't. Oh, if you only knew what I go through on the Council. I made such a thing out of this Deva project and how much it could do for the Mob. If we pulled out now, it would be the same as saying I don't know a good thing when I see it. No sir. Call it family politics or stubborn pride, we're going to stay right here."
My heart sank.
"But if the operation is losing money-" I began, but he cut me off with a gesture.
"So far ... but not for long. You see, I've figured out for myself what's going wrong here."
"You have? How? I mean, this is your first visit here since the project started."
I was starting to sweat a bit. Don Bruce was regarding me with an oily reptilian smile I didn't like at all.
"I saw it in the reports," he declared. "Clear as the nose on your face. That's why I know Shai-ster's an idiot. The problem was right here in front of him and he couldn't see it. That problem is you."
My sweat turned cold. At the edge of my vision I saw Tananda run her fingers through her hair, palming one of her poison darts in the process, and Massha was starting to play with her rings. Chumly and Gus exchanged glances, then shifted in their chairs slightly. Of our entire team, only Aahz seemed unconcerned.
"You'll have to be a little clearer for the benefit of us slow folks," he drawled. "Just how do you figure that Skeeve here is a problem?"
"Look at the facts," Don Bruce said, holding up his fingers to tick off the count.
"He's been here the whole time my boys were having trouble; he knows the Bazaar better than my boys; he knows magik enough to do things my boys can't handle; and now I find out he's got a bunch of friends and contacts here."
"So?" my mentor said softly.
"So? Isn't it obvious? The problem with the operation is that he should have been working for us all along."
By now I had recovered enough to have my defense ready.
"But just because I... what?"
"Sure. That's why I'm here. Now I know you said before you didn't want to work for the Mob full time. That's why I'm ready to talk a new deal with you. I want you to run the Mob's operation here at the Bazaar ... and I'm willing to pay top dollar."
"How much is that in gold?"
Aahz was leaning forward now.
"Wait a minute! Whoa! Stop!" I interrupted. "You can't be serious. I don't have the time or the know-how to make this a profitable project."
"It doesn't have to be profitable," Don argued. "Break even would be nice, or even just lose money slower. Anything to get the council to look elsewhere for things to gripe about at our monthly Meetings. You could do it in your extra time."
I started to say something, but Aahz put a casual hand on my shoulder. I knew that warning. If I tried to interrupt or correct him, that grip would tighten until my bones creaked.
"Now let me see if I've got this right," he said, showing all his teeth. "You want my man here to run your operation, but you don't care if it doesn't show a profit?"
"That's right."
"Of course, with things as shaky as they are now, you'd have to guarantee his salary."
Don Bruce pursed his lips and looked at me.
"How much does he cost?"
"Lots," Aahz confided. "But less than the total salary of the force you've got here now."
"Okay. He's worth it."
"Aahz ..." I began, but the grip on my shoulder tightened.
"... And you aren't so much concerned with the Mob's reputation here on Deva as you are with how the Council treats you, right?''
"Well... yeah. I guess so."
"... So he'd have free rein to run the operation the way he saw fit. No staff forced on him or policies to follow?"
"No. I'd have to at least assign him a couple bodyguards. Anybody running a Mob operation has got to have a couple of the Family's boys to be sure nothing happens to him."
Aahz scowled. "But he's already got..."
"How about Guido and Nunzio?" I managed, through gritted teeth.
Abruptly the grip on my shoulder vanished. "Those losers?" Don Bruce frowned. "I was going to have a severe talk with them after this disaster, but if you want 'em, they're yours."
"... But since you're the one insisting on them, they don't show up on our overhead. Right?" Aahz said firmly.
I leaned back, working my shoulder covertly, and tried to ignore the horrified stares my friends were exchanging. I didn't know for sure what Aahz was up to, but knew better than to get in his way when he smelled money.
I could only cross my fingers and hope that he knew what he was doing ... for a change.
Chapter Twenty-One:
"Stayin' alive! Stayin alive!"
-V. DRACULA
THE representatives of the Bazaar Merchants didn't look happy, but then Deveels never do when they're parting with money.
"Thank you gentlemen," Aahz beamed, rubbing his hands together gleefully over the substantial pile of gold on the table.
"You're sure the Mob is gone?" the head spokesman asked, looking plaintively at the gold.
"Positive. We've broken their reign of terror and sent them packing."
The Deveel nodded.
"Good. Now that that's settled, we'll be going."
"... Of course," Aahz yawned, "there's no guarantee they won't be back tomorrow."
That stopped the delegation in their tracks.
"What? But you said..."
"Face it, gentlemen. Right now, the only thing between the Mob and the Bazaar is the Great Skeeve here, and once he leaves ..."
The Deveels exchanged glances. "I don't suppose you'd consider staying," one said hopefully.
I favored him with a patronizing smile.
"I'd love to, but you know how it is. Expenses are high, and I've got to keep moving to eke out a living."
"But with your reputation, clients will be looking for you. What you really need is a permanent location so you can be found."
"True enough," Aahz smiled. "But to be blunt, why should we give you for free what other dimensions are willing to pay for? I should think that if anybody could understand that, you Deveels would."
"Now we're getting to the heart of the matter," the lead spokesman sighed, pulling up a chair. "Okay. How much?"
"How much?" Aahz echoed.
"Don't give me that," the Deveel snapped. "Innocence looks ridiculous on a Pervert. Just tell us what kind of retainer would be necessary to keep the Great Skeeve around as the Bazaar's magician in residence."
Aahz winked at me.
"I'm sure you'll find his fee reasonable," he said. "Well, reasonable when you stop to think what you're getting for your money. Of course, the figure I'm thinking of is just for making the Bazaar his base of operations. If any specific trouble arises, we'll have to negotiate that separately."
"Of course," the Deveel winced.
I settled back to wait patiently. This was going to take a while, but I was confident of the eventual outcome. I also knew that whatever fee Aahz was thinking of originally just got doubled when the Deveel made that 'Pervert' crack. As a Pervect, Aahz is very sensitive about how he's addressed... and this time I wasn't about to argue with him.
"I love it!" Aahz crowed, modestly. "Not only are we getting a steady income from both the Mob and the Deveels, we don't have to do a thing to earn it! This is even better than the setup we had at Posited."