“What?” Britney Small said.
“Do you want us to try talking to him first?” Della asked. “The woman’s touch?”
“It’s our call to handle,” Hollywood Nate said. “We wanted backup just in case.”
Snuffy Salcedo led the way to the sitting room, followed by Hollywood Nate, with the other four midwatch cops standing outside in the corridor near the living room.
Snuffy pushed open the door and saw that nothing had changed. Rolf Thunder was still watching porn and still wearing the penis pump. He looked to be in his late forties, about the same age as Snuffy Salcedo.
He didn’t look up until Snuffy said, “Mr. Thunder, we need to talk.”
Only then did the man glance at Snuffy with unfocused brown eyes, and Snuffy could plainly see that the guy was fried, probably on crystal or some other lowlife drug. Rolf Thunder didn’t say anything to Snuffy but just went back to watching the porn video.
Hollywood Nate stepped in behind Snuffy and said, “Dude, you’re gonna have to get up and leave here, so you might as well understand that. You got any ID?”
Finally, Rolf Thunder spoke without looking at Nate, saying, “Yeah, do you?”
“I’m wearing mine,” Nate said.
Rolf Thunder then looked at both cops and smirked. “Are you bad cop?” he said to Nate. “And what’s little homeboy, good cop? Do you two make tamales after work and sleep together or what?”
When he grinned, they saw at least three teeth missing from his upper grille. The man had a simian brow and flaring nostrils exposing what looked like a nose full of steel wool. His jaw was massive and square with a bulldog underbite, and he looked like he could chew through handcuff links. Flotsam and Jetsam stood in the doorway so the giant could clearly see how badly he was outnumbered.
Rolf Thunder looked at the surfer cops and said, “Oh, so you brought a couple of the other girls along. I like blond candy. We woulda had fun with them up at Corcoran.”
“Yeah, we get it that you’re a badass ex-con,” Snuffy said, “so don’t even go there.”
“Our posse’s got lots of pain tools and we jump ugly,” Nate said. “So chill and think it over.”
Rolf Thunder’s massive jaw muscles flexed and he looked at Hollywood Nate and said, “Up at Corcoran the screws called me ‘Bio-hazard’ because everyone I choked out shit his pants.”
Jetsam said sotto to Flotsam, “Bro, there’s some very bad juju here.”
Flotsam said sotto, “This dude’s more dangerous than a Toyota floor mat.”
“Get your savage on, bro,” Jetsam said.
Della Ravelle whispered to Britney Small, “If this turns into a melee, don’t try to be a man. Stand back with your Taser and your baton and pick your shots. And don’t be shy about calling for help if we need it.”
Britney’s blue eyes were wide when she nodded at her partner and waited, pepper spray in one hand, baton in the other.
Back in the sitting room, Snuffy Salcedo said, “How about you just get outta that chair now.”
“Sure, homie,” Rolf Thunder said, standing up so fast that both cops took a step backward. He was still wearing the penis pump on his drooping member.
And he was even bigger than Snuffy Salcedo had thought. He was tall enough to look down at Flotsam, and Snuffy’s estimate of 280 pounds was way off. They all figured he weighed three bills if he weighed an ounce.
“Take that thing off,” Snuffy Salcedo said, pointing to the penis pump.
“You take it off, sweetie,” he said to Snuffy with a wolfish grin. “But then you’ll have to marry me.”
Hollywood Nate said, “Turn around and put your hands behind your back.”
The behemoth drilled Nate with death-ray eyes and said, “Why don’t I put them behind your back, cupcake?” Without another word he lunged forward, roaring, and grabbed Hollywood Nate in a bear hug and began crushing him.
Flotsam, Jetsam, and Snuffy Salcedo swarmed Rolf Thunder. Jetsam tried pepper spray and got the side of Rolf Thunder’s face as well as his partner’s. Flotsam bellowed from the burn but the giant didn’t flinch, and he released Hollywood Nate, only to start throwing wild punches that mostly missed their target. But even blows that hit them on the chest or back were stunningly painful and knocked the wind out of them. He managed to break free and run into the hallway, crashing into Britney Small and sending her sprawling. When he reached the living room, he made his stand.
Mrs. Goth let out the most chilling scream that had ever emanated from a house that featured recorded screams and other spooky special effects. She ran outside, where neighbors had begun to gather. And all the time the recorded organ played a funeral dirge.
Britney Small leaped to her feet and ran into the living room after Rolf Thunder, but Della Ravelle grabbed her by the back of her Sam Browne belt and said, “Don’t jump into that. Stand back and pick your shots!”
And since female officers did not have to struggle with machismo, Della felt no compunction about putting out a code 3 call on her rover, which she knew would bring units from everywhere, and fast.
The four male cops charged into the great room in a bunch and hit Rolf Thunder high and low. Flotsam received a punch on the side of the head and it knocked him off his feet and set his ears to ringing. Jetsam dug two baton thrusts into the big man’s belly, but it didn’t faze him. Hollywood Nate smacked him on the elbow with his baton, but the giant only backed up a couple of steps and waited, hands hanging low at his sides and grinning.
Snuffy Salcedo drew his Taser and said, “Back away from him!”
When the other cops backed off, Snuffy Salcedo fired the Taser into the big man’s chest from five feet away. The blue thread of light snapped and Rolf Thunder stood straight up and grimaced from the 50,000 volts.
But then to the horror of all present, he pulled the dart out and said, “You jist opened yourself a can of whup-ass, homie.”
He charged Snuffy Salcedo and Hollywood Nate both, taking one of them in each arm and driving them into the wall, and that stopped the organ music. Flotsam jumped onto the back of the giant and tried to get a choke hold, which vocal police critics considered to be de facto excessive force in almost all cases. But Rolf Thunder was stronger than Flotsam and pried his grip loose and swung a roundhouse that caught Snuffy Salcedo between the eyes, shattering the bridge of his nose.
Rolf Thunder scrambled to keep his feet before he was driven into the nearest coffin by Jetsam, who hit him low with his shoulder. When the giant went down, Della Ravelle whacked him across the knees with her baton and Britney Small shot him with another Taser dart but with the same effect. He stiffened, grimaced, and pulled out the dart.
When Snuffy Salcedo stood up with blood pouring into his mouth, he hit the giant across the forehead with his baton, knocking him backward against the second coffin, which dumped the mannequin onto the floor, where its mechanism was triggered. It kept popping up in a sitting position over and over like a lunatic cheerleader enjoying the macabre violence.
Rolf Thunder got up and ran at Flotsam, and the two tall men crashed into the antique embalming table, spilling all of the paraphernalia onto the floor. Then Jetsam was on Rolf Thunder’s back, trying for another choke hold, but he was spun around and hurled into another coffin, where a second mannequin was ejected. It fell across Flotsam and they lay together like lovers for an instant until the surfer cop pushed it off and scrambled to his feet.
At that point, Hollywood Nate kicked Rolf Thunder in the groin, and that doubled him over for a moment, giving Jetsam and Snuffy Salcedo time to begin whacking him anywhere and everywhere with their batons, including a few head strikes that sounded like rifle shots. Britney Small stepped in close and gave him a good dose of pepper spray, which missed the other cops this time and entered the mouth of the giant.