“Because we have to talk about Robbie.”
“Oh, right,” he said, uncertainly, stepping back. He had thought that Robbie was just an excuse to meet midday on a Friday — a meeting they needed because they probably wouldn’t get to see each other over the weekend.
“I thought I had made it clear. .” Laura trailed off. “On the phone?”
“Yeah, you did,” Dean said, recalling a certain sternness when she had called the day before to schedule their meeting. But sometimes she was stern as a way of being flirtatious.
Laura sat down at her desk, pausing to put on her blazer. She gestured for Dean to take a seat in one of the two vinyl chairs across from her. He felt ridiculous in his gym teacher clothes, his shorts and warm-up jacket. He should have changed into khakis, at least.
“I know this isn’t ideal, me talking to you about this stuff, but it’s what we’re dealing with, so I’m just going to tell you and I want you to respond to me as a parent, if you can. What I mean is, don’t worry about hurting my feelings or anything like that. We’re talking about Robbie now.”
“Okay,” Dean said. “Did he get into trouble?”
“No, not really,” Laura said. “But he did leave school yesterday — again.”
“What? Why wasn’t I notified?”
“Because he wasn’t caught. He told me yesterday afternoon, which is when we usually meet—”
“Where did he go? What did he do?”
“He walked around town. Then he came back at the end of his lunch period. No one was the wiser. I think on some level he wanted to get caught, though. He was eager to tell me, and he wanted to know if he would be in trouble.”
“He should be. He has to stop doing this.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m not sure it’s the best idea to report him. I think the punishment would be too harsh. At the very least, he would be put in long-term detention, which would keep him from doing the play. And he probably wouldn’t be allowed to go on field trips, not to mention his Outdoor School stay, which is coming up soon.”
“Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about that.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that, too. Robbie told me that he brought home a list of things he needs for the trip and he’s worried that you aren’t going to get those items for him.”
“Of course I’m going to get them,” Dean said. “It’s basic camping stuff, a lot of it we already have. He doesn’t even go until the end of the month.”
“I think Robbie just wants a little more fanfare around it. You know, he wants the two of you to spend an afternoon getting these things together from around the house or going to the camping store or whatever you need to do. He wants attention.”
“He wants attention? That’s your great psychological advice?” Dean was trying to be lightly sarcastic, the way Laura sometimes was, but the words landed too hard.
“I know it sounds trite. But I also know the lines of communication are, you know, not what they were, now that Stephanie is away at school. I’m sure she used to fill you in on stuff like this. And obviously with your wife. .” She looked up from her notes. “Is any of this making any sense?”
“Not really.” It bothered Dean that she hadn’t finished her sentence about Nicole. Wasn’t it her job, as a counselor, to state plainly what others shied away from? But what really bothered him was that she was evaluating him as a father, and this evaluation had not been shared with him; it was a secret sketch drawn with knowledge gleaned from his son and who knew what psychological theories.
“I’m sorry,” Laura said. “I shouldn’t presume any of this stuff.”
“I know I should talk with him more. It’s just a lot, Laura. I have a long day at work and then I get home and there’s the boys and I have to get them fed and into bed. And there’s errands and things to do around the house. I don’t even want to get into it because it’s not worth complaining about. It’s my life and I accept it. The point is I’m not their mother, and I’m not going to turn Outdoor School shopping into a big production.”
“You sound angry,” Laura said.
“You sound like a therapist.”
She raised her eyebrows without saying anything, and he knew he’d proved her point, whatever it was.
“Sorry,” he said. “I’m just tired of being told that I’m angry.”
“Who else tells you that?”
“Who do you think? Stephanie, Joelle, Nicole—” It was an odd slip, one he wouldn’t have made in front of anyone else. “In my mind, Nicole,” he corrected.
“And why is she angry with you?”
“I don’t know, because I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not saying our marriage was perfect, but it wasn’t something to kill yourself over.”
Genuine alarm flashed in Laura’s eyes, her youth betraying her. “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.” It was such a charade, her talking to him like she knew nothing of his life. He tried to think of what she might know, what insights she might have uncovered from their cafeteria conversations, way back when. Had he complained about Nicole to her? He didn’t think he had; that was what a good husband he had been — he hadn’t even allowed himself that small betrayal. He should have made a move on Laura when he had the chance. She wasn’t above sleeping with a married man.
“I know this is difficult,” Laura said. He could see she was right on the edge of tears, as if she could read his thoughts.
“Just admit to me that you’re not objective. That you can’t be.”
“I never said I was.”
Dean stood up. “If you’re going to be Robbie’s counselor, we obviously can’t be doing what we’re doing.”
“I know, I know.” Laura wiped away tears. “I’m sorry I’m crying. This is ridiculous, this is not supposed to go this way, we’re supposed to talk about Robbie.”
Her naïveté shocked Dean even as he knew it was the very thing that had drawn him to her in the first place.
“I’m going to go.” He stood up. “Let’s take the weekend, okay?”
“Take the weekend and what?”
“Just be by ourselves. To think things over. I have to take care of my boys. And the girls have a race.”
She nodded without saying anything. Dean left her office carefully, barely opening the door. He gave the receptionist a big smile — not that it mattered, she was hardly paying attention — and he jogged back to the high school, letting the conversation, and the feelings it had provoked, fall away. He felt fine when he got back to his office, full of resolve to be a better father, a better teacher, a better coach. The feeling was ratified when the front office called to say he’d received a UPS package from Tri-State Sports. It was the new cross-country uniforms he’d ordered after the first meet, before he’d even realized he would be coaching the girls for the rest of the season. He opened up the large box as soon as he could, eager to see the clean new uniforms inside. It felt like a delivery from the most optimistic part of himself.
There was a short practice scheduled that afternoon, and at the end of it, Dean had Bryan hand out the brand-new shorts and singlets to both the girls’ and boys’ teams. Everyone was pleased with their new outfits, the blues so much deeper than the faded colors of their old uniforms.
Only Megan seemed uncertain about the change. She’d been coming to practice since her big win, and at first Dean thought it was a superstitious thing, that she wanted to wear the same jersey for every race. But it turned out she was worried about the length of the shorts, which were a few inches higher than the old ones.
“You can wear biking shorts underneath,” See-See suggested. “Or tights when it gets cold.”