"You left a message."
"On her answering machine. I asked would she please call me, I said I really wanted to talk to her. But she hasn't called back."
"And this was yesterday that you left this message?"
"Yes, yesterday afternoon."
"And she hasn't called back."
"No. I think maybe she's out of town."
"I rather doubt that, Peter."
"Oh."
"I'm sure she's in town, and in her house, and feeling very lost and alone."
"Oh."
"And most likely depressed, and overwhelmed, all of which are entirely appropriate responses to her situation. She's had some devastating losses. And she's only now beginning to feel the enormity of the first loss of all."
"The first loss of all?"
"The loss of your love, Peter. The two of you separated, for reasons that may have been inevitable at the time, and in due course all of her misfortunes followed."
"Oh."
"Do you see what I mean?"
"I think so."
"You have to break through her resistance, Peter. You don't call once. You call until you get a response."
"You want me to keep calling?"
"I think you must."
"Then I will, Doc."
"What do you get, Peter?"
"You get what you get."
"Precisely. You take the action and accept the result. But the way you take the action determines the result. Peter, when her machine next invites you to leave a message, I want you to visualize Kristin standing right next to the machine. And this time don't speak to the machine. Speak directly to Kristin. Picture her taking in every word even as you are speaking to her."
"I will."
"Tell her to pick up the phone. Get her to pick up the phone."
"Yes, Doc."
"And call me back after you've spoken to her."
He's on the computer when the phone rings. There's nothing interesting at alt.crime.serialkillers this morning, but he's found several Web sites dealing with various aspects of the topic, and he's visiting one of them. What he's reading is interesting, fascinating really, and he's tempted to let the machine take the call, but knows that it's Peter Meredith.
And of course it is, and he's calling to report success.
Success and failure.
"I did what you said, Doc," he begins, "and it worked. Instead of talking to the machine I talked to Kristin, as if she could hear every word I was saying. And I didn't stop, I went right on talking as if we were having this long one-sided conversation, and I said some of the things we talked about yesterday, about family and destiny and, well, I just kept talking."
"And?"
"And I wore her down, I guess. She picked up the phone and we talked."
"When are you going to see her?"
"I'm not."
"What's that?"
She doesn't want to see him, Peter says. She has good feelings for him, good memories of their time together, but it's a closed chapter for her. She has her life to live, and he has his own life, at the house in Williamsburg, and she wishes him the best of luck in that life, but she doesn't want to share it with him.
"And Doc," Peter says, "I'm so glad you made me make that call. You always know just what's right for me."
"Oh?"
"Because I am so relieved. Doc, I'm over her now, for the first time. When she said there was nothing there, that she had zero interest in getting back together again, I just felt completely liberated. Like I could get on with my life in a way I couldn't up to now."
You fucking idiot, he thinks. But he says, "That's wonderful, Peter. I'm proud of you."
"You did it, Doc."
"No, you did it, Peter," he says automatically, thinking, Yes, you did it, you fat oaf. You stepped in it with both feet.
"Everything you said, about destiny and all? It was like those were my own inner thoughts, but I didn't even know it until I said them and she shot them down. And that released me from them. I think…"
"Yes?"
"I know you said it was just rebound, but Caroline- "
"The sculptor."
"Yes."
"On Wythe Avenue."
"Yes."
"You want to pursue that."
"Unless you think it's a bad idea."
God, he feels tired. "I think it's worth exploring, Peter. If it's a failure, well, every failed relationship is preparation for a successful relationship." He takes a deep breath. "Now you'd better get back to work on that house of yours, hadn't you?"
The shower pelts down on him. Great water pressure in this building, much better than the last place. He lets the spray hit him in the back of the neck, feels the tension drain away. He showered on arising, he showers first thing every morning, but it's not rare for him to take a second or even a third shower in the course of a day, and it seems very much in order now.
You get what you get.
Physician, heal thyself. Is the catchphrase he feeds his patients any less applicable to himself? You get what you get, and whatever comes your way is an opportunity.
You can go to the ocean with a teaspoon or a bucket. The ocean does not care.
Peter is all wrong for Kristin. That had been his first reaction when he met the woman for the first time. This preppy goddess, this daughter of privilege- what was she doing with this jovial fat man?
And so he'd engineered their separation, only to see it in the fullness of time as a mistake. They should be together. While Peter toiled on that sow's ear of a house in Brooklyn, Kristin languished in a silk purse of a brownstone, worth more every day in New York 's dizzying real estate market. Now if her inconvenient parents were out of the picture, so that the house and everything else were Kristin's, and if Peter were then to make himself once more available…
He gets out of the shower, pats himself dry. Applies deodorant, dabs a little cologne on his cheeks.
How interesting, he thinks, the way the mind has reasons that the mind knows nothing of. He'd arranged everything for Peter, so that the fellow could win the fair maiden and occupy the castle. (And Peter would be grateful, of course, and would love him more than ever. And, when the castle was Peter's alone, why, he'd show that gratitude in the most concrete way.)
But why go through all that? All along- and he must have known this, albeit unconsciously- all along he has been preparing this banquet not for Peter but for himself. It is he who will win the maiden, he who will own the castle.
How could he ever have thought otherwise?
He puts on all clean clothes, choosing a deep-toned blue shirt, a red tie. The tie is knotted and he's reaching for his jacket when he remembers the amulet, the talisman, the disc of rhodochrosite that so sharpens his perceptions and boosts his mental clarity.
Shall he be angry with himself for having forgotten it at first, or shall he congratulate himself on having remembered? The choice is his- the ocean does not care.
Congratulating himself, he puts down his jacket, loosens his tie, unbuttons his shirt collar, and fastens the gold chain around his neck.
He looks up a phone number, dials it. The voice of his destiny: "No one can take your call right now. Please leave a message at the tone."
And what a tone, hers, not the machine's- cool, regal, but promising so much.
He dials another number. A man answers, and he recognizes the voice as Lucian's. "It's Doc," he says. "Is Ruth Ann handy?" And, learning she's gone to the hardware store, "That's all right, you can give her a message for me. Tell her I'm canceling my appointments for the rest of the day. She's down for two o'clock, so just tell her to call me and we'll shoehorn her in some other time."
On the way out the door he strokes his cheek, holds his hand to his nose, breathes in the smell of his cologne.
What a splendid house it is!
He has come on foot this time, and stands on the opposite side of the street, looking at his future home. And it's nothing new for him to think of it in those terms. Within its walls, watching the barbarian Ivanko spilling drawers, tipping over tables, he'd wanted to caution him against doing any damage to the house and its furnishings.