Carole was still focusing on taking deep breaths and trying mentally to get herself and her life in order. She was going to be the mother of Carter's child, and she was going to be a mother who set a fine example for her…
"What is it?" she asked the doctor.
"You're having a girl. Congratulations."
A broad grin spread across Carter's face as De. Kernan shook first his hand, then Carole's.
"You folks have been through a lot. I'd urge you to get some old-fashioned family counseling for the baby's sake if not your own. I can recommend some names if you'd like. Think about it and get back to me." He placed his pen into the pocket of his white coat. "In the meantime, good luck. I suggest you contact an OB of your choice and begin regular appointments if you haven't already," he said, his gaze focused on hers.
"Thank you," she murmured, embarrassed at how she'd been behaving, mortified at insisting Damian was the father when she knew he might not be.
The doctor nodded and walked toward the door. "Feel free to use my office for a bit if you need to," he said and strode out, leaving Carole and Carter alone.
"I always thought I'd have a boy," Carter said, still in shock at all of Dr. Kernan's revelations. His kid. His baby girl.
"Are you disappointed?"
For the first time, Carter heard uncertainty in Carole's voice and fear underlying her words. "Not disappointed. Surprised. Excited. Anxious, too," he admitted.
"Yeah. Well I think we both are." She paused and glanced down. "It wasn't that I didn't want you to be the father."
"Yeah it was." But to his surprise, he wasn't bitter. "In an odd way I get it. Fuller has money and prestige and with him you wouldn't have to worry about anything:'
She swallowed hard. "I was stupid. Up until the last second, I was an idiot. First of all, you should know that my job is a good one with decent benefits. We'll be okay."
"Babe, I have enough faith in myself for both of us. I'll go through arbitration and make good money. My stats this year have been phenomenal. My agent's sure things'll go well. By the time I'm up for free agency-"
She rose to her feet. "I can't count on you to support us. Baseball's uncertain. Look at Damian. He hasn't played in weeks. You can't know what's going to happen."
Carter knew her past and fear of living on welfare were behind her words, not a deliberate desire to hurt him. "I've learned that life doesn't come with guarantees. But I can promise to try and do my best by you both. And I will."
A tear dripped down her cheek. "You've become a really good guy. You deserve so much better than me."
"I'm the same guy who called the press about your pregnancy, remember? Don't go painting me with some angelic brush, okay? We're alike. We'll be fine."
"This baby could have been Damian's " she reminded him and turned away, obviously not wanting to face him.
He grabbed her arm gently and turned her around. "That was the past. We're looking to the future now. And I love you."
She shook her head. "You're the dad, Carter. Let's not push our luck and try to make ourselves into some big love story, okay? Neither one of us has done anything to deserve a happily-ever-after."
Rick cupped her cheek in his hand. "That's where you're wrong. We created this baby. That's the beginning of a new life. Hers…and ours."
But even as he spoke, Carter knew Carole was far from believing in him, in them or in their future.
NOT HIS KID. What had been the sole focus of Damian's life for weeks now suddenly had nothing to do with him. Damian wasn't sure how long he spent on the streets of Manhattan, dazed and confused by the news. Considering how fortunate he'd been in life up until now, he sure as hell hadn't expected to be sitting under a horseshoe when the test results had come in. He'd gotten lucky.
So why didn't he one hundred percent feel that way? Instead of the pure elation he should have been experiencing, Damian felt empty, almost as if a void existed where fear had once lived and breathed. Damned if he understood his reaction and he walked miles to sort through his emotions.
He glanced up at the familiar face of the building he stood in front of. Somehow during his walking and reflecting, he found himself outside the Hot Zone offices. Micki had been ducking his calls since before the charity event and he'd deliberately given her space after. He hoped with the baby mess behind him, they could go back to being…what? Friends? Lovers? Damian shook his head. Like everything else right now, he figured the answers would come.
A glance at his watch told him Micki would be at work and he headed inside to share the news. He bypassed the receptionist and headed to her office, stopping at her secretary's desk.
"How's it going?" he asked the woman who'd come to know him pretty well from his visits.
"See for yourself." She gestured toward the partially open door.
He glanced inside but didn't let Micki know he was watching.
"Come." Micki pulled on the dog's leash but the pooch remained stubbornly committed to her current position.
The dog lay on her back, spread-eagle on the floor.
"You spoiled, pampered mutt!" Micki growled in frustration. "I will not rub your belly every time I want you to listen to me. It took me fifteen minutes of massaging just to get you out of the apartment to poop this morning and another twenty to get you to leave with me to go to work!"
Damian chuckled. "Isn't that just like a lady? Give a hand and next time she'll take the whole arm."
Micki glanced up, startled. Once the shock evaporated, a warm glow of appreciation spread across her face.
It was definitely a look that said it's nice to see you, Damian thought. The feeling was definitely mutual.
"Apparently Noodle's from the upper, spoiled class."
He chuckled. "Either that or she's just missing your uncle."
Micki raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "He's crotchety and cranky and that's on a good day. Oh and did I mention he lied? The dog is not trained to help people. She flunked doggy school."
"But she loves your uncle for who he is."
Micki laughed, a light, appealing and definitely arousing sound. He hadn't realized how much he needed to see her-see her happy and enjoying life-until right now.
"You've got a good point. And I'm going to ignore her until she starts doing things my way. Either that or I’ll have to say-to hell with the rules and deposit the dog at the rehab facility because I can't take much more of this." She walked back toward her desk, motioning for Damian to come inside. "So what are you doing in my neck of the woods?" she asked lightly.
Too lightly, Damian thought In fact, for a woman who'd ducked out on him two weeks ago, she was acting awfully pleased to see him now. And that was the key word, Damian thought. Acting. The distance she'd been deliberately placing between them was more real than the smile on her face at the moment.
"I'm here to share some news." He lowered himself into a large chair across from her desk. He was disturbed that he didn't feel as emotionally free as he should and wished he understood the heaviness still in his heart.
Micki took in Damian's conflicted expression. "What's going on?" she asked, suddenly on guard.
Micki had been counting the days even if she wouldn't admit it aloud and she knew it was time. There'd only be one piece of news Damian could possibly want to share.
"The test results are in and…"
Micki leaned over her desk, her heart racing, her throat dry. "And?"
"It's not mine," he said, obviously still in shock. "All this time and energy, all this fear and anticipation and the baby isn't mine "
"That's fantastic!" she said, rising and coming around the desk before she could stop herself. "Damian, this is the best news!" She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tight because not only did she think he needed the support and physical contact, but because she knew she needed it even more.