“It’s different with you, Aggie. You’ve proven to me time after time that you accept me for who I am. The guys? They don’t even know who I am.”
“You could let them get to know you. You can trust them. They won’t hurt you.”
“Maybe.” He didn’t look convinced.
“What are you afraid of?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you think if they saw behind your wall that they’d replace you in the band?”
He hesitated and then nodded slightly.
“You obviously have a pretty low opinion of your bandmates.”
A spark of anger touched his eyes. “What do you mean? I think the world of them. I’d give my life for any one of them.”
“Yet you won’t even let them see the real you. Do you think they have any idea how you feel about them?”
“Do they need to know? I idolize them. It’s embarrassing.”
He’d never learned to show affection as a child. No one had ever shown him any, so he didn’t know how and didn’t recognize it. That’s why he didn’t understand that the guys were showing him affection when they teased him. Maybe the guys would help her. She wasn’t sure how she could get them to cooperate. But she wanted that for Jace. He needed to recognize the love in his life. She could have been selfish and kept him all to herself. He might even be happy with only her to confide in, but he needed a bigger support network. Latching on too hard to one person could be devastating when things didn’t work out as planned or circumstances tore people apart. Jace needed supportive people in his life. He’d been alone for far too long. Perhaps he’d let his bandmates in one at a time.
“I’m glad you told me what happened to your father.” She needed to shift the focus away from the dead. Help him concentrate on the living. “What happened to you after he passed on? Did you live with relatives?”
He shook his head. “I don’t have any living relatives who claim me. My mother’s family disowned her when she ran away from Croatia to come to America. She left some local villager at the altar or something. I remember her bringing that up when she argued with Dad. Dad’s parents worked hard and died young.” Jace rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “So I stayed in a group home until I turned eighteen, and then I was out on my own.”
She cuddled against his side and kissed his shoulder. “The first time I saw you, I knew you’d been forced to grow up too fast.”
She watched the emotions play across his face. He obviously had more demons to exorcise.
“What was the group home like?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Fight or die. I decided to fight.”
“Didn’t you make any friends there?”
He shook his head. “There was a reason we were the unwanted. I had my bass guitar. I dug it out of the trash. It was the only thing that survived the fire. And it was enough.”
Aggie wondered how he hadn’t ended up a mass murderer. How many traumatic experiences could one kid bear? And now here she was getting him shot and messing up what he’d worked so hard to achieve.
“You’re not unwanted. I want you, Jace.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He took her hand and squeezed it, but said nothing. She lay there, thinking of a way to get him closer to his bandmates. He seemed to identify most with Eric. Probably because neither had parents. Or maybe Jace and Brian could connect over Kara.
“Does Brian know you dated his sister?”
“God, I hope not. He thinks she was a perfect angel. I wouldn’t want to taint his memory.”
“His memory?”
“Kara died in a car accident. I never saw her again after our night together. I got too rough with her. Hurt her. Scared her. She called me a freak and told me she never wanted to see me again.” He caught her eye. “I’ll shut up now. Nothing worse than discussing old relationships with your girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry she died. She must have been so young.”
“Sixteen.”
Too young. “Did you love her?”
“Yeah.”
“And she made you happy?”
“For a little while.”
Aggie smiled sadly. “Then I’m grateful to her for that. But you are not a freak. I happen to like it when you’re rough.”
“That’s ’cause you’re a freak too.”
She laughed and nudged him in the ribs with her elbow. “Hey.”
“I think we belong together, Aggie.”
“I don’t think so.”
His body stiffened. She placed a hand on his chest and lifted her body to look him in the eyes.
“I know so,” she said. He smiled, and she melted. They stared into each other’s eyes until his cheeks went pink, and he looked away.
She decided that connecting Jace with Brian, using Kara as common ground, wasn’t the best idea. She shifted to plan B. “You know who’s a lot like you?”
His brows drew together as he contemplated her question.
“Eric.”
“Eric?” Jace laughed. “I was forced to grow up too fast. He never grew up at all.”
“He’s living his childhood now, since he didn’t have one as a kid. He’s coping with some of the same stuff you’ve been through in an entirely different way.”
“Aggie, you should have been a shrink. How do you know all this?”
She smiled and lowered her head to flick her tongue across his nipple ring. “I think they’d take my license away as soon as I took my whip to a client. But I suppose I do help men with certain components of their psychology—in an unconventional way.”
“And I’m your magnum opus, I presume.”
She shook her head. “You’re my heart, baby.”
He wrapped his good arm around her and drew her onto his chest. His heart thudded against her shoulder as he kissed her forehead tenderly. “I don’t deserve you.”
“I think I should be the judge of that.”
Aggie’s hand slid down his flat stomach, finding all his ticklish spots with ease. She wanted to hear him laugh. Maybe someday he’d manage it without her resorting to tickling.
The door opened, and Eric poked his head in. “Sounds like someone is having fun.”
Jace’s laughter died, and he grabbed Aggie’s wrists to cease her tickling. He picked his cuff off the mattress and hurried to secure it around his scarred wrist. Aggie offered him a sad smile and fastened it for him.
Wearing nothing but his black boxer briefs, Eric entered the room and closed the door behind him. “Can I come in?”
“Aren’t you already in?” Aggie asked.
“I meant in the covers.”
“We aren’t doing anything,” Jace said. “Just talking.”
“You? Talking? I didn’t know you knew how.” He crossed the room and dove across the bed beside them. “I’m so bored. Entertain me.”
“You? Bored?” Jace said. “I didn’t know you knew how.”
Eric laughed and punched him in the shoulder. “It’s all Sed’s fault. Since he and Jessica got engaged, the only action he’s been getting is between his ear and his hand.”
Aggie cocked a brow at him. “His ear?”
“You’re lucky you’ve been allowed to use the bedroom this whole leg of the tour. You don’t have to listen to him whispering into his phone all hours of the night and jerking off.”
“Ah, phone sex. I would like to listen to that actually,” Aggie said with a grin. “I bet he really gets into it.”
“Actually, he tries to be quiet, but we all know what he’s doing.” Eric rolled his eyes. “Like Jessica would know if he fucked a groupie or two.”
“She’d know.” Jace chuckled. “Sed can never hide a guilty conscious.”
“This is true,” Eric said.
“You guys really don’t have any privacy on this bus, do you?” Aggie asked.