Well, I think they’re better than yesterday’s.
And considering all the circumstances, too. Let
them complain. That’s it, until they complain
then I don’t care.
Ivy and that Mrs Ridge are always having a go
at each other. Stupid bastards, the pair of them.
We’re the best, we are.
That’s all right, then, that’s a relief. Forgot
my arse for just two minutes
aaaaaaaaah!
Pass the Parcel! What a
waste of time, more movement, but
Pass the parcel, up my arcel!
oooooooooooooh! My arse again, keep still,
keep still A fart would be a
blessing Daren’t.
Ooooooh, no! The pain, pain!
Pass the parcel.
Chuck the bleeding thing.
But what’s in it? Sarah’s getting it open. Now
it’s off again.
Curiosity.
It’s my turn, that old woman’s cheating! Pass it on!
No need to chuck it at me! It’s stopped,
it’s me, I can get it undone, I’ll win, what is it?
SHIT! It’s a parcel of shit! Is that
what I’ve won? Is that all? Stinking shit!
shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit
shit!
why?
Get up,
she wants us to take exercise. Take up thy
arse and walk? I’ll try,
the pain can’t be worse
aaaaaaachk! Yes it can!
But try again.
To walk. The pleasure of it. As
I stroll along the promenade. It must be a tidy
middling. The trouble
with business is that you can think you’re doing
so well and then you get caught for a tidy
packet. Right into the middling, right into the
fertilizer. It may be something to do
with the way I walk, of course. That may have
something to do with it.
Haemorrhoids or piles:
just as though you could
choose! aaaeh!
I shall try again to remember my first fuck.
The first is the one you never forget, they say.
They are not right in my case, not for the first
time, either. Yet I remember it was when I was
seventeen, because that was what I said when
questioned about it some time later. But who it
was is difficult to remember. Who did I
know at seventeen? It must have been someone from
the town, I would not have been stupid enough to
shit on my own village doorstep, as we say in the
trade. In that case, it might have — No, I can’t
walk any more, I must sit and be damned to her
and her dog.
If that seed had borne fruit, I should have a child
of over sixty now. It might have been a son, a
competitor. Tom was never a competitor, none of
them. I was their father, and I saw I remained so,
oh yes!
Who could it have been? My memory’s playing me up
again, so she was redhaired, ginger-eyed and had
a pair of tits on her like twin mountains and an
arse as broad as East Anglia. Her fanny was like
a red ravine, dry and dusty, not so dusty.
Her face?
I can’t remember her face.
Ah, yes,
that was fun last time, the tourney. I enjoyed
it. Wonder if I can get a bet on this time? Mrs
Bowen won easily, I’ll back her. Mrs Ridge,
I’ll bet you my breakfast milk that Mrs Bowen wins.
But what will you give me if I win?
Right, you’re on. Shake.
Now I’ve got a bet on.
They’re at the tapes!
Come on Mrs Bowen! Lot depends on Charlie pushing,
too. They’re
off!
Hooray! One up to me!
They're off
again! Come on Charlie!
Rah! Two up!I shall win!
They’re off! Last time, I must
win two-to-one at least!
Rah!
Cheers for Mrs Bowen and Charlie! You owe me a feel,
Mrs Ridge, a feel, tonight!
She gets it both ways, she does. If she’d’ve
won she’d’ve got my breakfast milk, as it is she
gets a feel she’ll enjoy just as much as I will,
more, probably, with my arse in this state. That’s
funny, forgot it during the tourney. Just goes
to show, just goes to show.
But it’s getting worse now, it’s
paying me back, aaaaoooh!
oooooooooh! aaOOh!
No, try to think of something to take my mind off
it, the feel, that’s something to look forward to,
ooooooooh, but it’s no help now,
what shall I do?
Started when I
was fifty-two, it’s a
punishment for tossing off
that little boy when I was
in the Navy, it’s a
punishment, be sure your sins
will find you out.
He asked for it, he was a saucy little sod, and I
paid him a few piastres.
aaaaooaoaoah!
aaaaaah!
oooooh!
oooaaaeh!
eaeaell!
oooooooh, oooh, aaaah!
eh!
ooooooooch!
oooooooooooeoeososoaoeo!
aaaaajjja!
we never did think we’d live to see him grow
up! I’ll force myself to think of something else.
we never did to see
think we never did
we’d live
a few piastres seemed
so little at the time, for what
it was
years after, that smell
City of galloping
knobrot
oooooh!
oooooooaoah!
this can’t go on surely
something must bust it must give the pain over
it must make me bust oooooooooh!
ooooooorh!
one two three four one two three four sheep over
the edge one three six ten fuck them all oooooo
nothing comes
of it, nothing seems to
help, you’d think they would
be able to do something
for you, people have been
suffering from sore arse-
holes since time began.
no, ooooooh!
ooooooooooooh!
Regular, it
comes in waves.
oooooooooooooooooooooh!
ooooooough!
oooodh!
OOOOOOOH!
Listen to her!
No, doesn’t matter
~ ~ ~
Gloria Ridge age 85 marital status not known sight 45 % hearing 55 % touch 30 % taste 20 % smell 60 % movement 45 % CQ count 6 pathology contractures; plantar fasciitis; mental confusion; progressive senile dementia; cholecystitis; osteoporosis; among others.