apart from Clarissa, and she was my job, to
let her parents have some time free, free of her,
that is, for she was a little bastard to them
as well as to me. I wonder what she
could have become, she was already an Hon., I
think, Clarissa, and it was doing little Ronnie
so much good, the sea air and three good meals a
day, the food was good in that hotel, even for
those in service, and it seemed as though it
would go on for ever, the summer, the sun, and
for the first time since the War I really felt
that things were getting back to normal, though
all the ones who could remember better than I
could were saying that things would never be the
same, never could be, after the War, which I could
understand in the case of someone like myself,
who’d lost their husband because of the War, but
not those who’d not lost their nearest and dearest
in it. And it was there I
think I first got over Jim’s death, not got over
it, exactly, but accepted my lot, that I was a
young widow with a young kid, like lots of
others, that this was what my life was, that
this was what I was. In that seaside town in
France, France where Jim had got Gassed, though
not the same place, of course, and I think
Clarissa’s father may have had something to do
with it, it was the first time I had seen a
man’s parts when he tried to get me down on
my hotel bed, since Jim’s, that is, and I think
that must have made me realise there were other
men in the world, seems silly now, though at the
time it was a frightening thing to happen,
perhaps if he’d asked me, or gone about it in a
different way, I’d have let him, though I knew
it was wrong and I respected his wife, I might
even have enjoyed it, it was two years since Jim
had gone, but he was so rough and arrogant with
it, he seemed to think because I was a servant he
could order me about in anything, order me to do
that like he could order me to clean his shoes,
which I didn’t like, the brazenness of it, just
came up to me while I was at my dressing-table,
unbuttoned already he was, and seized my hand and
made me hold his part, and when I drew back,
naturally, he got rough and threw me on the bed and
would have had his way with me had I not yelled and
screamed fit to make the whole hotel hear. And
so he got up and buttoned himself up with his back
to me, swearing all the time vilely at me, and
little Ronnie woken up by all this noise, standing
up in his cot and wondering what was happening to
his Mum. And of course I didn’t last long after
that, he couldn’t look at me after that.
Clear up now. Nearly finished. Just scrape off
these last two.
There. Now give them all a wipe.
And put them all back in their nice little cardboard
sockets. One two three four
five
six
seven
eight
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
sixteen
one two
three
four
five
six
seven
twenty-four
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
sixteen
one
two
three
four
five
six seven forty-eight, two cases of
twenty-four is what I started with. The satisfaction
of finishing. A job well done.
Here, Missus, I’ve finished.
How nice to be thanked. The warmth.
Very pleased indeed, she said.
That pleases me. A job well done. And the time
passed, too. Now what’s she want?
Pass the Parcel? We used
to play that, didn’t we? Don’t want to
play much now. Why does she give us games?
I just want to sit quietly after working so much.
But I suppose I’d better be sociable.
Me to start?
Off. Pass it to Charlie. What is it? Brown
paper, soft.
It’s stopped at Mrs Ridge first, but she won’t be
able to open it all in time.
Oh! It’s stopped at me!
Open, open, get the paper off, I won’t be the
winner, there, it’s started again.
Stink…. What is it!
Ron’s got it, he’ll get it open. What is it, Ron?
How disgusting!
Why does she do a thing like that?
Glad I didn’t win, glad I
didn’t win!
It was the third husband I’d buried, I was getting
used to it. All the market crowd in Strutton
Ground chipped in and gave him a great send-off,
he was a popular landlord. Flowers, I never saw
so many flowers. And the customers, too, bought
the odd one for Fred, they did. But
it didn’t worry me too much. The brewers let me
take on the licence, and within weeks it was just
the same, as though he’d never existed. That
pub used to have a sort of life of its own, then.
And during the war of course you didn’t have to
sell beer, it sold itself, it was getting hold
of enough of it that was the difficulty. Oh yes.
And crisps. There was only one place you could
generally get crisps, then, and that was up on
the North Circular Road. Many’s the time I’ve
caught a trolleybus up the Edgware Road to Staples
Corner and come — Exercise? Haven’t we
had enough? Oh well, up we get. It’s not
for long. She thinks it does us good, perhaps it
does. It doesn’t kill me, anyway.
I’ll push that George Hedbury
round. Not much company, but there you are.
Off we go! George, can you hear me? Deaf as a
post, deaf as a post, daft as a doughnut.
One two three four! Round and round, round and
round!
And so it goes on. That Laura
was a great one for her Guinness. Sometimes I’ve
seen her knock back thirty in an evening. But
she was a quiet drinker. You’d never know
she’d had too many till she fell down when she
tried to get up. This bloody pushchair needs
oiling or something. But she was a good friend
to me, we had many a good time together. She
pulled me out of many a dark time. Like when
Ronnie married that Doris. And after the cat
got run over, Maisie.
We kids used to run about in felt
slippers then, they were the cheapest, a cut above
the barefoot kids. It was our way of
Tired of pushing. But still carry on. Slog, slog.
They were the good old days, it’s true.
And where were we when we were wanted? Oh, we
were there all right, slapping the sandbags on
the incendiaries, ducking down the shelters when
the HE started. All that sort of thing.
That’s enough. I can’t push any more. I’m going
to stop whether she likes it or not, going to stop.
A sit at last,
rest my legs.
Sport! She certainly keeps us on the go.
Tourney. That means me pushing someone, I suppose.
Up again, Sarah, you can do it.
Lean on George’s bathchair till I have to move, take