He had not expected to discover Sha’ik so… unprepared. True, she had conveyed a none too subtle hint that she was preternaturally aware of all that went on in the camp, including an alarming ability to defeat his own disguising wards intended to mask his travels. Even so, there was knowledge that, had she possessed it-or even suspected-would have long since triggered a deadly response. Some places must remain closed to her. I had expected her to ask far more dangerous questions of me today. Where is Felisin? Then again, maybe she didn’t ask that because she already knew. A chilling thought, not just for evincing the breadth of her awareness, but for what it suggested about Sha’ik herself. That she knows what Bidithal did to Felisin… and she does not care.
Dusk ever seemed eager to arrive in the forest of stone trees. The tracks he left in the dusty path revealed, to his relief, that he was still alone in walking the trail these days.
Not that the goddess needed trails. But there was a strangeness to Toblakai’s glade, hinting at some kind of investment, as if the clearing had undergone a sanctification of some sort. And if that had indeed occurred, then it might exist as a blind spot in the eye of the Whirlwind Goddess.
But none of this explained why Sha’ik did not ask about Felisin. Ah, L’oric, you are the blind one. Sha’ik’s obsession is Tavore. With each day that leaves us, bringing the two armies ever closer, her obsession grows. As does her doubt and, perhaps, her fear. She is Malazan, after all-I was right in that. And within that waits another secret, this one buried deepest of all. She knows Tavore.
And that knowledge had guided her every action since the Rebirth. Her recalling the Army of the Apocalpyse when virtually within sight of the Holy City’s walls. Retreating into the heart of Raraku… gods, was all that a flight of terror?
A notion that did not bear thinking about.
The glade appeared before him, the ring of trees with their cold, unhuman eyes gazing down upon the small, bedraggled tent-and the young woman huddled before the stone-lined hearth a few paces from it.
She did not look up as he came near. ‘L’oric, I was wondering, how can one tell Bidithal’s cult of murderers from Korbolo Dom’s? It’s a crowded camp these days-I am glad I am hiding here, and in turn I find myself pitying you. Did you finally speak with her today?’
Sighing, he settled down opposite her, removing his shoulder pack and drawing food from it. ‘I did.’
‘And?’
‘Her concerns for the impending clash are… overwhelming her-’
‘My mother did not ask after me,’ Felisin cut in, with a slight smile.
L’oric looked away. ‘No,’ he conceded in a whisper.
‘She knows, then. And has judged as I have-Bidithal is close to exposing the plotters. They need him, after all, either to join the conspiracy, or stand aside. This is a truth that has not changed. And the night is drawing nearer, the night of betrayal. And so, Mother needs him to play out his role.’
‘I am not sure of that, Felisin,’ L’oric began, then shut up.
But she had understood, and her terrible smile broadened. ‘Then the Whirlwind Goddess has stolen the love from her soul. Ah, well, she has been under siege for a long time, after all. In any case, she was not my mother in truth-that was a title she assumed because it amused her to do so-’
‘Not true, Felisin. Sha’ik saw your plight-’
‘I was the first one to see her, when she returned, reborn. A chance occurrence, that I should be out gathering hen’bara on that day. Before that day, Sha’ik had never noticed me-why would she? I was one among a thousand orphans, after all. But then she was… reborn.’
‘Returned to the living as well, perhaps-’
Felisin laughed. ‘Oh, L’oric, you ever strive, don’t you? I knew then, as you must know by now-Sha’ik Reborn is not the same woman as Sha’ik Elder.’
‘That hardly matters, lass. The Whirlwind Goddess chose her-’
‘Because Sha’ik Elder died, or was killed. You did not see the truth as I did, in the faces of Leoman and Toblakai. I saw their uncertainty-they did not know if their ruse would succeed. And that it did, more or less, was as much to me as to any of them. The Whirlwind Goddess chose her out of necessity, L’oric.’
‘As I said, Felisin, it does not matter.’
‘Not to you, perhaps. No, you don’t understand. I saw Sha’ik Elder up close, once. Her glance swept past me, and that glance saw no-one, and at that moment, child though I was, I knew the truth of her. Of her, and of her goddess.’
L’oric unstoppered the jug that had followed the food and raised it to wet a mouth that had suddenly gone dry. ‘And what truth was that?’ he whispered, unable to meet her eyes. Instead, he drank down a deep draught of the unwatered wine.
‘Oh, that we are, one and all, nothing but slaves. We are the tools she will use to achieve her desires. Beyond that, our lives mean nothing to the goddess. But with Sha’ik Reborn, I thought I saw… something different.’
His peripheral vision caught her shrug.
‘But,’ she continued, ‘the goddess is too strong. Her will too absolute. The poison that is indifference… and I well know that taste, L’oric. Ask any orphan, no matter how old they are now, and they will tell you the same. We all sucked at that same bitter tit.’
He knew his tears had broken from his eyes, were running down his cheeks, yet could do nothing to stem them.
‘And now, L’oric,’ she went on after a moment, ‘we are all revealed. Every one of us here. We are all orphans. Think on it. Bidithal, who lost his temple, his entire cult. The same for Heboric. Korbolo Dom, who once stood as an equal in rank with great soldiers, like Whiskeyjack, and Coltaine. Febryl-did you know he murdered his own father and mother? Toblakai, who has lost his own people. And all the rest of us here, L’oric-we were children of the Malazan Empire, once. And what have we done? We cast off the Empress, in exchange for an insane goddess who dreams only of destruction, who seeks to feed on a sea of blood…’
‘And,’ he asked softly, ‘am I too an orphan?’
She had no need to answer, for they both heard the truth in his own pained words.
Osric…
‘Leaving only… Leoman of the Flails.’ Felisin took the wine from his hands. ‘Ah, Leoman. Our flawed diamond. I wonder, can he save us all? Will he get the chance? Among us, only he remains… unchained. No doubt the goddess claims him, but it is an empty claim-you do see that, don’t you?’
He nodded, wiping at his eyes. ‘And I believe I have led Sha’ik to that realization, as well.’
‘She knows, then, that Leoman is our last hope?’
His sigh was ragged. ‘I think so…’
They were silent for a time. Night had arrived, and the fire had died down to ashes, leaving only starlight to illuminate the glade.
It seemed, then, that eyes of stone had slowly assumed life, a crescent row fixed now upon the two of them. A regard avid, gleaming with hunger. L’oric’s head snapped up. He stared out at the ghostly faces, then at the two Toblakai figures, then settled once more, shivering.
Felisin laughed softly. ‘Yes, they do haunt one, don’t they?’
L’oric grunted. ‘A mystery here, in Toblakai’s creations. Those faces-they are T’lan Imass. Yet…’
‘He thought them his gods, yes. So Leoman told me, once, beneath the fumes of durhang. Then he warned me to say nothing to Toblakai.’ She laughed again, louder this time. ‘As if I would. A fool indeed, to step between Toblakai and his gods.’
‘There is nothing simple about that simple warrior,’ L’oric murmured.
‘Just as you are not simply a High Mage,’ she said. ‘You must act soon, you know. You have choices to make. Hesitate too long and they will be made for you, to your regret.’