Eventually, she managed to ask him if he and Charmery might marry. She did not really think he would say yes, because he would never want to belong to another woman in that way. She waited confidently for his reassurance. There was no reassurance. He said, ‘Yes, I’ll marry her, if she’ll have me.’
It was as if the world had stopped turning on its axis. Everything that was dear and familiar and safe began to shiver and dissolve. Charmery Kendal would agree to marry Mikhail – Mara knew she would. No female could refuse him, that meant Mara would lose him.
Except it must not be allowed to happen.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
The present
It was almost midday when Theo got back to Fenn House. His brain was whirling with images of Catherine and also of Mara who had bade him a polite good morning, so when a taxi trundled up the drive and stopped in front of the house it startled him.
From out of it clambered Lesley and Guff.
‘Guff,’ said Theo, even more startled. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘Not at all, my dear boy. Oh, it is good to see you,’ said Guff, beaming all over his cherubic face. ‘We’re not putting you out, arriving like this, are we?’
‘No, but—’
‘We’re only here overnight. Well, we can even go back this evening.’
‘It’s the sketch,’ said Lesley, as Guff turned to pay the driver. She extricated a flat package from the taxi and Theo recognized it as Charmery’s portrait. ‘I talked to Guff first thing this morning, and we thought we’d better come down to discuss it all with you. It’s quite complicated. I told the gallery I’d need another couple of days’ holiday, and we caught the ten o’clock train.’
Guff was delighted to be at Fenn again. ‘After so many years. My word, I wouldn’t like to count how many years it is since I was here, although I must say the old place is looking a bit…’
Theo expected Guff to fuss and fluff around for his customary half an hour, but for once he did not. He came into the dining room where Lesley had set the sketch on the table.
‘I spent most of the night staring at it, trying to work out who it was,’ said Lesley. ‘Because if it wasn’t Charmery – and I didn’t see how it could be – I couldn’t think who it was. Then I thought that Guff knows more about this family than anyone, so I phoned him early this morning to tell him about it.’
‘I took a taxi to Lesley’s flat,’ said Guff. ‘I don’t usually go to Earl’s Court, you know, so I wasn’t sure of the way. My word, that area’s changed.’
‘Don’t guffle,’ said Theo affectionately, and saw Lesley grin at the use of the familiar childhood word.
‘As soon as I saw the sketch I knew it wasn’t Charmery,’ said Guff.
‘Then who is it?’
‘It’s your mother,’ said Guff. ‘It’s a drawing of Petra when she was very young.’
‘You’re wrong,’ said Theo for the twentieth time. ‘You must be. It can’t be my mother.’ But something stirred uneasily in his mind. Charmery and I, he thought. Half brother and sister – the same father. If that’s true, why would Charmery resemble my mother so closely? He reached out to trace the outlines of the face with a fingertip as if by doing so he could draw out its past.
‘There’s no question about it,’ said Guff. ‘I was around when your mother first came into this family and this is exactly how she looked. And what’s more, she’s wearing the pendant your father gave her to mark your birth.’ He too put out a hand to the picture, touching the pencilled line of the Victorian-looking pendant which Theo had not recognized. He glanced at Guff and saw a deep sadness in the china-blue eyes.
‘I remember her wearing it,’ Guff said, ‘and I remember this is how she wore her hair in those days. It’s definitely Petra. This is how she looked all those years ago. I admired her so much when she first came into this family, you know,’ he said. ‘I remember Nancy was quite sharp with me about it: she said she hoped I wasn’t going off on some silly sentimental journey. I thought that was unfair of her,’ said Guff mildly. ‘I’m not a sentimentalist, even if people use the word nowadays which I don’t think they do. D’you know, I sometimes wonder how Nancy copes with teaching modern teenagers.’
‘It doesn’t look much like my mother,’ said Theo.
‘No, but when your father died, Theo, it altered Petra. Mentally and physically, I mean. She was absolutely devastated. She changed in some very deep way I never understood. And she was ill for a long time.’ He looked down at the portrait again. ‘She shut everyone out,’ he said. ‘She went off somewhere with you – none of us had any contact with her – then later, she and Helen went on holiday together – I was always very glad to think Helen was such a good friend to Petra,’ said Guff. ‘Nancy was livid about it because she would have liked to go with them.’
‘Fearsome,’ said Lesley and Theo both together.
‘I expect it would have been. You weren’t quite at school, Theo, and you stayed with Lesley’s parents while Petra was away. That was before Lesley or the boys were born, of course. And you stayed with me for a while, as well. You were a solemn, silent child in those days.’
‘Beautifully behaved?’ said Theo, trying for a light-hearted note, inwardly grappling with what Guff was saying.
‘Actually, you were very well behaved. I expect you only remember those years in patches, though; you were only four. When Petra finally got back – when she started to be part of the world again, she was different,’ said Guff. ‘Thinner and her eyes were different – as if there was no light in them any longer.’ He looked at Theo, who saw a shimmer of tears in Guff’s own eyes. Partially understanding but not wanting to pry, he put out a tentative hand to pat Guff’s. For a moment the old fingers closed tightly round Theo’s, then Guff said firmly, ‘Lot of slop,’ and mopped his eyes with his handkerchief. Despite his own inner turmoil, Theo smiled at this time-honoured Kendal remark. He saw Lesley smile as well. She leaned over to kiss Guff’s cheek.
Guff blinked several times, then said, in a determinedly prosaic voice, ‘I never saw the strong likeness between Petra and Charmery, though. Not until now.’
‘But,’ said Theo, ‘why would Charmery look like my mother?’
‘Yes,’ said Guff slowly, ‘why indeed?’
‘Theo?’ said Petra into the phone. ‘Is anything wrong? Are you still at Fenn?’
‘Yes. Lesley’s here as well, and Guff. We’ve had a bit of a trauma, but everyone’s fine. No, I won’t go into the details now,’ he said, as she started to ask what had happened. ‘The thing is, we’ve hit on a mystery and you’re the only one who can explain it. But I think it’s going to dredge up part of your past that might be painful.’ Even over the phone he was aware of a sudden stillness. He realized he was gripping the phone so tightly his knuckles were white. He took several deep breaths. ‘When I got here there was a framed sketch of a young woman. I thought it was Charmery, but it isn’t. It’s a twenty-year-old sketch – Lesley’s more or less confirmed that – and Guff says it’s you.’
‘Oh God,’ she said. ‘Oh God, Matthew’s sketch. I never knew what happened to it. I supposed it was just put away in a box somewhere.’
Theo had not realized how strongly he had wanted to hear her say she knew nothing about it. ‘So it really was Matthew’s work. And it really is you.’ It was an extraordinary feeling to be talking to his mother about Matthew.