“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Whinnie whispered.
I took a bite of half-cold spaghetti.
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Okay. You’re leaving me no choice but to guess. You and Kyle went somewhere?”
I tried not to move my face.
“Ahh, you blinked twice. That’s a giveaway! Where did you go? Are you two, like, together?” She wasn’t asking in a girly excited way, just a genuinely curious way.
I made a shh sign. “We’re not together. But, yeah, he took me away. To Yosemite. Because I was upset about Mum.”
Whinnie’s eyebrows went all haywire beneath her glasses.
“Wow. That’s nice of him.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just that. That it was nice.”
I smiled at her and took another bite of my spaghetti. “Both of you were brilliant the other night. I really owe you.”
She gave me a little affectionate nudge. “No probs. You can pay me back by telling me if you got together or not.”
I looked up, to try and see if I could catch another look at Kyle. The kids were getting restless for pudding, the noise in the hall growing as they waited impatiently for their disgusting caramel whip I’d seen back in the kitchen.
“Umm, no,” I said, half-heartedly. I caught my mum’s eye again and waved, but she either didn’t see or ignored me.
“Umm, no?” Whinnie repeated. “So you stayed the night in a motel together, I’m presuming? And all that happened was ‘umm no’?”
“Basically.” I pushed my tray away.
“Fair enough.”
“Sorry it wasn’t more exciting. What did I miss here anyway?”
“Oh, the usual. I want to get my ovaries tied the moment camp is finished. Charlie Brown shot some kid right near the eye with a paintball gun – so that was terrifying. Luckily the kid thought it was funny…” She trailed off. “I walked past the minibus on Saturday morning, you know. On the way to the first-aid tent to sort out the kid’s eye. Melody seemed pretty upset that Kyle wasn’t there…”
My tummy flip-flopped. I had no idea how I felt about Melody any more. She was like a stick that poked me in the gut, provoking all different kinds of emotions… Anger, jealousy, and now…a little bit of sympathy…
“Oh…well… I’m sure she found someone else to get over him with in LA.”
Whinnie let out a bitchy giggle, but I didn’t join in. I just smiled and then, when no one was looking, pulled out my phone and sent another overpriced message to Lottie and Evie.
Please wake up. I need you guys. Now… x
SITUATIONS THAT ARE DESTINED TO FAIL:
Defeatist attitudes
+
Lottie
+
Evie
Twenty-five
My phone went off at about midnight. Not that it woke me. I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. After spending the remainder of the evening staring at my sketch of Kyle like a proper psycho.
I leaped on it. It was Lottie’s number.
We are both up at the CRACK OF DAWN. Get your ginger ass to a computer now.
Another text came in. From Evie’s phone:
Lottie says sorry for the ginger ass comment. She’s blaming it on her lack of coffee.
I kicked my sheet back and quickly crept into the sitting room, where the computer sat in the corner. I switched on the desktop and it made a loud excitable turning-on beep. I actually put my finger to my lips to shh it.
Don’t wake Mum and Kevin don’t wake Mum and Kevin.
I listened. Silence.
And then a snore from Bumface Kevin.
If Mum were still a drunk, I could’ve relied on her staying asleep too. But she’d never slept well since she got dry. I’d just have to hope she was tired out from making me feel guilty.
I tapped my fingers impatiently as I waited for everything to load.
“Come on, come on…”
Just as the computer was figuring itself out, all It’s almost 1 a.m., what are you doing to me? a little sign popped up in the right-hand corner.
Lottie would like to talk with you.
I double-clicked on the icon and then…there they were.
“HI, AMBER!” They both waved at the camera, big smiles on their make-up-free morning faces. The light of tomorrow’s morning hitting them from the side, making them look like the saviour angels they were.
It was too much. I burst into tears.
“Christ,” Lottie grumbled. “I’m not THAT scary without eyeliner on, am I?”
“Sorry, guys, I just…” I burst into a fresh heap of tears. They erupted from the very pit of my stomach, my ribs actually hurting from the effort of contracting out such physical grief. I missed them so much. I missed everything so much. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have thought it would make things good, that my mum would want to see me, not really. I should be with them, without Kyle and Whinnie and Russ and Melody and all the other random Americans I’d never see again.
Evie – always the better of the two for emotional support – pushed herself closer to the camera.
“Amber? What’s wrong?”
Another sob. I practically had to shove my fist into my mouth to stop myself from waking Mum and Kevin.
“Is it your mum? What’s happened?”
I nodded. “It’s sort of my mum, but also…also…”
Lottie pushed into the camera lens, shoving Evie to one side with her face.
“But also what…?”
The whole weekend flashed past me, seeping out of my brain and gushing confusion into my veins, pumping it around every part of me.
“Well…it’s that boy…”
They made me go and get a glass of milk. Lottie did a wiggle dance to distract me out of crying and accidentally blocked the camera with her bottom. Within ten minutes, I was stuffing down cookies while they ate bowls of Cheerios, and we were laughing quietly.
I told them everything.
“Let’s get this straight.” Lottie’s voice warped on the last word from the bad internet connection. “You’re crying because a boy you really like, likes you back?”
I nodded, and crammed another Oreo into my mouth.
Evie nodded while Lottie shook her head.
“I don’t get it. I mean, I’ve seen this boy with my own eyeballs. He is fit as. And you say he’s a nice guy?”
“Of course he’s nice,” Evie butted in. “He looked after her when she was sick, and then took her to a dreamland full of rainbows…but that’s not what it’s about, is it, Amber?”
I swallowed – both the chewed-up black gunk of my cookie, and another lump that had wedged itself in my throat.
“Yes, no. I don’t know what it is.”
“Is it just because he kissed that Melody chauvinist pig girl?” Lottie asked. “Because if you’re waiting for a guy to share all your firsts with, you really better pick someone less good-looking. He is bound to have kissed a lot of people. I mean, it’s a waste of a sexual resource if he hasn’t.”
Evie turned to Lottie. “Are we referring to men as sexual resources now?”
“Blimey. No, you’re right.” Lottie slapped her own hand. “Sometimes I worry I’m a sexual predator.”
“We all have that worry about you, Lottie,” I said. And we all laughed.
“The Melody situation did wreck things a bit,” I said. “Like, he was saying all this weird stuff about how he just does things because that’s what’s expected of him. And at first I thought I wasn’t kissing him because I actually don’t know him and I was scared I just liked him because he’s so good-looking. But, then I got to know him better. And…well, he’s a really interesting and nice guy. And he really seems to like me. God knows why…”
“AMBER,” they both warned.
“Sorry… But, well, look at him, and look at me.”
“I have,” Evie said. “And you’re being an idiot.”
“I know.” More tears threatened, and I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. “I don’t know, girls. This summer, it’s just been…hard. My mum has been…well…her. And I just feel a bit broken. And, what if I do get with him? Then what? I leave soon. I’ll only get hurt. We’re, like, only young, we wouldn’t do long distance. And…I don’t think I can get hurt… I feel, like, made of glass anyway. Why should I do something that will ultimately make me unhappy?” My voice broke on the last word.