“Hey, remember what Lottie said,” I said hopelessly. “It’s all about enjoying the moment.”
“I guess…” Kyle still looked upset. “Wise friend you have there.”
I nodded. “The wisest.”
He pulled me into him and lay us down. The stars looked so close, like they’d been strung up on individual bits of see-through string. Easiness returned to us, as was so usual whenever Kyle was around. I told him what Mum had told me, about her and Dad. It seemed less sad and more romantic when looking at the stars.
“So they met abroad?” Kyle asked.
“In India, yes.”
“Whirlwind romance?”
“Yep.”
“And it went horribly wrong?”
“Yes, but, well, I think that was the alcoholism more than anything else.”
He was still a moment. “Do you know why she even started drinking?”
I closed my eyes…said my guess out loud. “I’m not totally sure. I have these, like, bursts of memories of what she was like before. I just remember feeling really safe…but she’s been a drunk for so long…” I paused. “I think they lost a baby… They told me I was going to be a sister…I remember Mum and Dad going away, and my grandma came over to stay. Mum came back – sobbing – and clutching her stomach.”
“They’ve never talked to you about it?”
“No. And I’m too scared to ask them. You’ve seen what Mum’s like. My memory is so muddled anyway. I can’t remember if she drank before then, or if drinking maybe caused it…”
“So you have no real idea why she’s an alcoholic?”
I shrugged. “Does anyone know why? Is addiction ever that simple?”
“I don’t know…”
I smiled, just as a gentle breeze blew my hair.
“There were times when she dried herself out, you know?” I said, feeling warm in the memory of it. “She’d go weeks, months even, not touching a drop. She was so incredible to be around then – so creative. She taught me how to use paints. And she was so energized. She’d make just a trip to the park seem like the most amazing thing in the world – pointing out how pretty a cloud was, how beautiful just a regular meadow could be if the sun hit it right… She wore these amazing colourful clothes – all drapey fabrics that no one else’s Mum had… It never lasted though. And I never saw Mum and Dad happy…not really. All I remember was fights and shouting and him pretending things were okay when they weren’t… He had an affair eventually. With my stepmum. Forced me to go live with her and her evil kid… I’ve not been replying to any of his emails all summer. I’m mad at him…I’m mad at all of them.”
I wasn’t sure why this was spilling out of me. But something about Kyle’s effortless ease made me want to share with him. I turned, and found myself just cupping his face.
He looked right into my eyes. “I’m sorry all this happened to you.” His apology was so genuine, so heartfelt, it made me ache. Made parts of me crumble, like ancient ruins, leaving space where the pain had been. Space for where good things could grow instead.
“You have no reason to say sorry. And yet you’re the only one who’s ever apologized to me.”
“Really? Not your mom? Your dad?”
I shook my head, shivered in the slight breeze. “Nope.”
“Well sorry,” he said again. “And sorry for bringing this all up, especially when I’m supposed to be being romantic.” I felt him turn on his side.
I grinned, not wanting to be bogged down in it any more. Not tonight anyway.
“Who said this was romantic? I mean, all you’ve done is lay out a blanket. Which is also a bit presumptuous, isn’t it?”
I turned over too, to see Kyle’s teeth light up as he smiled.
“It’s only to keep us warm. Now who’s being presumptuous?”
We launched at each other, closing the gap between our bodies. As we kissed, all I wanted was more. More touching. More skin. More Kyle. It was the complete opposite to what Evie had said. The sand in the eggtimer was draining fast; I didn’t want to build up to anything. I just wanted him. This moment. Kyle’s tongue was in my mouth, doing brilliant things. His hands were up the back of my T-shirt. Every part of my body felt alive. I ran my hands over his body, over his arms, back down his torso…down…down…inside his shorts.
Kyle’s eyes opened.
“Amber,” he muttered into my mouth. “Are you sure?”
I nuzzled him, put my hand in further.
“I’m sure.”
He adjusted his weight, manoeuvring himself so his arm was free. He carefully slid his finger down my stomach, a smooth delicate line, down into my own shorts.
I gasped.
I had one tiny worry… That he seemed to know what he was doing, and that meant he’d probably done it to someone else before. But the sensation was shortly replaced with just joy and longing. We kissed more, and touched each other, and without meaning to, we fell asleep under the stars.
SITUATIONS THAT ARE DESTINED TO FAIL:
Getting caught
+
The consequences
Twenty-eight
“Shit.”
My eyes flickered open to early morning sunlight. The ripples on the lake glistened in the rising sun. Birds called out all loud and over the top.
I was half naked, my shorts abandoned at my feet, my head resting on Kyle’s shoulder.
“Shit,” he said louder. “Amber, wake up. We have to go.”
The warmness in my stomach hardened. I sat up.
“Oh my God, Kyle. We fell asleep.”
“I know. What’s the time? I don’t have a watch.” He scanned the sun to see how high it was in the sky. “It looks earlyish… Shit… Amber, we have to go. Now.”
“Got it.” I burrowed under the blanket to shuffle into my shorts, while Kyle muttered and vibrated with stress.
“What if one of them woke up? No, they would’ve come looking for us. This is bad…this is so bad.”
I hoped he wasn’t meaning last night – which had been all the opposite of bad to me.
I zipped up my shorts and stood.
“Let’s go.”
Kyle took my hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. We ran off the pier faster than my dozy legs could really handle. I tried not to worry as we sprinted through the forest. If one of the kids had woken up and found Kyle missing, he was right, they would’ve come looking for us…wouldn’t they? Would Mum and Kevin be awake? What would I say to them? When we came to the split in the path, we both stopped. I bent over to catch my breath. I looked up; Kyle was smiling.
“I’m sorry we’re ruining what was a great night with all this running.”
So he’d had a great night too? My head spun with happiness, an intense rush of just general goodness oozed through me.
“I had a great time too.”
He pulled me in for one last kiss. Then another. Then another. Whenever I tried to pull away, he pulled me back, laughing, covering my lips with his.
“I’m really falling for you, you know that, right?” he said, serious all of a sudden.
My heart jumped up into the very depths of my throat.
“I…I am too.” I was, I really was. “But we really need to go.”
One last kiss. “See you tonight at the dance?”
I nodded. I wasn’t with the rest of Dumbledore’s Army today. Mum had made me organize a special arts committee – to finish decorating the hall.
“See you there.”
“I can’t wait.”