“I think so too.” She followed Amalia from the kitchen to the living room. Now or never. Finding the courage, she spoke, her voice a little louder than she’d meant it to be. “Um, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about before I go. If you have the time, I mean. I don’t want to keep you.”
“Of course, sweetheart. What do you want to talk about?” She took a seat on the antique sofa that she loved so much.
“It’s hard to say this, and that seems strange because it’s you, and you’ve always been like the mother I never had. Both you and Joseph mean the world to me.”
“Is everything all right?” Amalia looked fearful.
She took a breath. She was handling this all wrong. “Yes, it is. Everything is fine. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’ve just…I’ve decided to start dating again. I’ve been on two dates. Bad ones. But still dates and I wanted you to know.”
Without saying a word or moving a muscle, Amalia was still able to communicate so much. It was all right there in her eyes. Disappointment. Sadness. Hurt. And it just about killed Molly.
But she pressed on, doing anything and everything to smooth things over. “I know this must be hard for you to hear, which is why I wanted to be sure it came from me.” Amalia nodded and attempted a smile, but still had yet to say anything. “I loved Cassie very much. I still do and she will always be a part of me, but I think I should try and make a life for myself now, as hard as that may be.”
“Of course you do,” Amalia finally said and pulled Molly into a tight hug. “And I want you to be happy, Molly, both Joseph and I do.” But there were tears shining in her eyes when she released Molly. “I won’t lie and say it will be easy to watch you move on, because when I think of you or spend time with you, I think of Cassie. And it’s like I have a piece of her still with me. But that’s not fair to you, I suppose.” Just as the tears in her eyes threatened to spill over, Amalia moved past her toward the bedroom. “I better get changed. We’re meeting Mick and Barbara Luntz for dinner.” And then over her shoulder, “I’ll call soon. You can see yourself out?”
“Of course.”
Hollow. That’s how she felt as she stood alone in the Tuscana living room. Like she’d somehow let them down. She didn’t want to cause any unnecessary pain in their lives. In fact, that was the last thing in the world she wanted to see happen. They’d been through too much already. And while she knew inherently that she was doing the right thing, the guilt that settled in the pit of her stomach argued otherwise.
*
Jordan reached back and rubbed her neck, gently massaging the tight bunch of muscles that called out from hours of poring over the books spread out in front of her. She glanced at her watch and took note of the fact that morning had transitioned into afternoon while she sat in the reference section of the library trying to understand the ins and outs of small business ownership.
And there was a lot to learn.
Half a dozen books sat open around her, and her coffee had long gone cold. On her next break, she would remedy that situation, but for now she would live without the caffeinated pick-me-up in favor of progress.
She allowed herself only a moment to stretch before returning to her reading, taking notes on her laptop as she went. It was roughly twenty minutes later when her thoughts were interrupted by an energetic child’s voice accompanied by that of a very familiar adult.
“How many books can we take? We should take a lot. They’re free,” she heard her niece, Risa, state as she rounded the corner into the room.
Molly smiled down at her, holding her hand as they walked. “How about four books since you’re four years old?”
Risa considered this. “How about five? No, seven.”
“You drive a hard bargain. Let’s just see how it goes.”
“Aunt Jordan!” Risa said happily, spotting her. She scurried across the short distance and climbed easily into her lap. Jordan hadn’t spent much time with her niece and nephew in the past, but this trip was definitely making up for it. She enjoyed every second she could steal.
“Well, hey there, munchkin.” Jordan pulled her in for a squeeze. She really was the cutest kid ever. “How did you know I needed somebody cute to brighten my morning?”
Risa laughed the genuine laugh that only kids could pull off. “I didn’t, silly. Aunt Molly and me are spending our day together. We already had chocolate chip muffins and now we get to buy books and then we’re going to the playground to swing.”
Molly joined them, standing alongside the table. “I love to swing. But we’re just going to borrow the books, remember?”
“Yeah, we’re going to borrow some. Any ones we want.” Risa nodded her head slowly in dramatic punctuation.
“Whoa. Libraries are pretty cool that way, huh? Trusting.”
“Yep. What are you doing here?”
“Yeah,” Molly said, surveying the scene. “What are you doing here? And when did you start wearing glasses? This is all very suspect.”
Caught. Jordan took the glasses off and settled back in her chair. She didn’t quite know how to explain, or even if she wanted to. “Right. The thing is I’m just doing a little research for a project and the glasses help me see the words.”
Molly shook her head. “Incredibly vague. Details needed.”
Jordan sighed. “Not sure I’m ready to divulge details to the world quite yet.”
Molly glanced down at Risa. “Hey, button, do you think you could run ahead to the children’s section and see if you can find any books with ballerinas in them?”
Risa scampered down, already in project mode. “I know I can. I love ballerinas. I am one.” She twirled four or five times for them and after a round of applause headed into the adjacent room to start her quest.
Molly refocused her gaze on Jordan. “The world is gone. Just you and me left. So what do you have going here? International espionage? Code cracking?”
She decided to just go for it. “All right, I’ll tell you, but don’t laugh.”
“Deal.”
“Do you remember the short documentaries I used to work on in college?”
Molly sat down, instantly involved. “Of course I do. The one about the suicide forest stuck with me for weeks. That one won a local award, didn’t it?”
“Two actually. It was that kind of project that made me want to work in film for the rest of my life. But the reality of a big budget studio is nothing like the days of working on something that mattered. The entertainment business pays well, but the intrinsic value is not exactly comparable.”
Molly raised an eyebrow. “Okay. So what does all this equal?”
She met Molly’s eyes tentatively, already feeling the weight of her scrutiny. “I don’t want to go back to the studio once my leave of absence is complete. My friend George and I have been tossing around an idea for the past year or so. He’s just been waiting for my okay, and I think I’m ready to give it. I want to start my own production company. With him on board, of course. Make the kinds of films that I want to make with the people I know I can make them with. And I want to start with documentaries.”
“Wow.”
“And before you say it’s a long shot and that I should stay where the water’s warm, I want you to know that I think I can do this. I’ve given it a lot of thought. It’s going to take an incredible amount of work and time to get off the ground, and I’ll start small at first, but I think the end result will be worth it. I want to make films that count for something.” A pause. “Now you go.” She exhaled, nervous as hell. Molly was the first person she’d let in on her idea, and her response mattered more than she was willing to admit even to herself.
A slow smile spread across Molly’s face. “I think it’s a great idea.”
“But.”