The look on Molly’s face as she’d fled the scene yesterday resonated with her. Terrified. That was the best way to categorize it. She thought of the scenario from Molly’s perspective, having already lost so much in her life, and understood her freak out. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t hurt by it, by the way she walked out of the clinic.
On her.
There was really only one thing left to do. She pulled the suitcase from beneath her bed and started to pack.
*
She’d overreacted with Jordan.
Molly knew that now. It had taken her a good twenty-four hours to come down from the emotional rollercoaster the day had her on, but in that time, she’d gained perspective on a few things.
And while it took her a couple of days to figure that out, she knew that now. She’d been so caught off guard by the possibility of something happening to Jordan that it took her right back to that horrific time in her life, and she’d fled the scene in response. It was a defense mechanism and one she wasn’t exactly proud of.
In the wake of their fight, she’d pulled herself back emotionally. She’d spent the last couple of days going through the motions of her day-to-day life and feeling incredibly hollow in the process. It was time to fix what had gone wrong and navigate the very dicey waters that may still be ahead.
While she didn’t exactly know how, she had to find a way to make it right with Jordan.
She rang the bell and waited nervously on the front porch of the Tuscana house. Her heart sank at the realization that Jordan’s Beetle wasn’t in the driveway. It was possible she’d already left for Chicago and she was too late. She hoped that wasn’t the case.
Amalia beamed upon opening the door. “Well, this is a nice surprise!” She kissed Molly’s cheek. “You look tired, sweetheart. Is everything okay? How’s your father? Is he doing all right on the Atacand I prescribed?”
The succession of concerned questions was really nothing new. Amalia and Joseph made a habit out of worrying about their family, and she was grateful to be included. “We’re both fine. He seems to be adjusting to the new medication well. Thank you for taking such good care of him. Is, um, Jordan home by chance?”
Amalia sighed. “She said good-bye twenty minutes ago and headed out. She said something about taking some time to clear her head before getting on the road to Chicago. She seemed to have some things on her mind, but didn’t bother to tell me about them. I feel like I have to be a mind reader with my own daughter.”
“I’m sure she wants to. It’s hard for her sometimes. She doesn’t want to upset you.”
“I’d rather she upset me than shut me out.”
She decided to go out on a limb. “Does she know that?”
“Of course she knows that. She’s my child.” But Molly knew it was something Jordan needed to hear.
“Maybe she could use reminding?”
Amalia nodded in a rare moment of concession. “Maybe so. Do you want to come in? I have a roast that should be ready in a half hour. Stay for dinner.” Molly’s stomach raised its hand in wholehearted acceptance, but her heart was elsewhere.
“I wish I could, but I’m afraid I have some things I need to get done.” Molly offered a wave as she descended the porch steps.
“Molly, wait,” Amalia called after her. She descended the steps and placed her hand on Molly’s forearm. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. A couple of weeks ago, when you told me you were ready to date again, I…” she paused to gather her thoughts. “I reacted badly. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for those words, which is silly because it’s been over four years.” Her expression clouded with what Molly could only guess was residual pain. The kind that never did go away no matter what the grief counselors promised. “I want you to find happiness again, Molly. That’s what both Joseph and I hope for. I guess I just need you to know that we support you. You will always be a member of this family.”
It was everything. Molly covered Amalia’s hand and met her eyes in gratitude. “Thank you for telling me that.” She headed to her car. “Did Jordan say where she was headed before Chicago, by chance?”
Amalia shrugged her shoulders. “Only that she needed to be alone.”
That’s when it clicked. “Thanks, Amalia. I’ll see you soon to finalize the menu for Joseph’s birthday party.” She didn’t so much as wait for an answer.
Five minutes later, she parked her car and made her way to the soccer field. Dusk was hanging on, and the temperature was dropping. She fleetingly wished she’d brought a light jacket with her, but the thought faded to the background when she saw Jordan’s silhouette. Her stomach clenched and her chest warmed, and for a moment, Molly just had to stare at her.
She was midfield and her hair, which was pulled away from her face in a clip, blew lightly in the breeze as the yellow turned to pink in the sky above. There was a bandage across the corner of her forehead and she felt guilty at just the sight. When Molly finally sat in the grass next to her, Jordan turned and studied her, before looking back out over the green grass and waning sky.
Okay, so Jordan didn’t look overly excited to see her, but she didn’t exactly glare at her either. If anything, Jordan’s eyes seemed pensive, almost sad. Understanding the need for solitude and enjoying the quiet herself, Molly chose not to say anything just yet. Instead, she reached for Jordan’s hand and pulled it into her lap. It felt really good, the warmth of Jordan’s hand in hers as they watched the sky. Actually, just being near her made the stress of the last two days start to slide away. There was something to that, she noted to herself. Being close to Jordan seemed to be an antidote to just about everything these days.
And then finally, when the very last of the light began to make its dip, she squeezed Jordan’s hand. “I’m sorry.” Jordan turned her face, and it was all Molly could do not to touch her cheek. But somehow she didn’t feel like she had permission for that. There was something guarded about the way Jordan looked at her, like she could do real damage. And she knew it was true. They were dangerous together, the pair of them.
Somehow, it didn’t deter her from what she was beginning to understand.
“I need to apologize too. I shouldn’t have forced the Cassie issue. It was insensitive.” Jordan said.
“I shouldn’t have kicked you out.”
Jordan played with the grass. “No, you shouldn’t have. But you did what you needed at the time. I get that.”
It was the politically correct answer, but she needed more. She needed Jordan , and that meant total and complete honesty between them. It wasn’t going to be easy.
“Cassie and I didn’t have a perfect relationship. We were normal people who fought over normal things like her work schedule conflicting with our plans. Or my tendency to be overly sensitive and resistant to change. I hated that she gave in to your parents and their every whim. But she was mine and I was hers and we had a good life.”
Jordan looked at her, listening.
“And you’re right. She’s been gone four years now and she’s still a big part of my life. I don’t have the magic solution to make you okay with that. But I also don’t know how to just let go of who I am because I’ve discovered feelings for someone new. Does that mean this other part of me doesn’t exist anymore? That the first part of my life is null and void? And that leaves us in a difficult spot.”
Jordan nodded and stared at the field. Molly would have given anything to know what she was thinking. But there was more to say.
“I do know one thing. When I thought that something had happened to you yesterday, my world felt like it had been torn wide open. And while I flashed back to the time I lost Cassie, it was losing you that panicked me yesterday. Yesterday was about you. And if I could do it over again, I wouldn’t have left you at the clinic. I’d have been there for you.”