‘And take booze. It’s an easy way to buy yourself some friends, especially in countries like Afghanistan, where it’s hard to obtain. This doesn’t hold when you’re interviewing Al Qaeda-inspired fighters, who may be put out by the gesture.’
Patrick Hennessey graduated from being a fellow cider fan with me at university to becoming the youngest captain in the British Army. He has served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and his bestselling book, The Junior Officers’ Reading Club, describes fighting the Taliban in 2007 and how his experiences actually pushed the army to change their rules of engagement. He’s now a civilian studying to become a barrister, and revisiting Afghanistan for various publications – a bit of an unnerving experience, given what he knows about the way the Taliban fight:
‘We find ourselves in an age of messy and complex conflicts in which the lines between combatant and non-combatant are blurred. Listening to intercepts of Taliban radio communications in southern Afghanistan provides chilling insight to how ruthless a modern enemy can be. Having noticed that medics often carry scissors somewhere immediately accessible, snipers are instructed to target anyone carrying first-aid kits or scissors at the start of an ambush. Perhaps of even greater concern to civilians is that the same commanders are well aware that anyone in “blue armour” is likely to be either press or some sort of visiting VIP, and is also to be targeted where possible. The highest protection in some conflict zones, it seems, is now afforded by looking as much as possible like a regular soldier, and although I was cursing that I no longer had a rifle, I was very glad I had my old, desert-cam body armour.’
And Tom Coghlan offers one last tip for travelling with the ‘Allies’: ‘If you embed with US forces, one way to ingratiate yourself immediately is to turn up with packs of Copenhagen Black tobacco – the ghastly chewing stuff. Most American soldiers from the Deep South love it. They tend to be the majority in any army or marine unit. You are “in like Flynn” if you turn up with this stuff. British units are delighted with cheap cigarettes of the Lambert & Butler type.’
/MAKING FRIENDS
‘In any foreign country,’ says Patrick Hennessey, ‘particularly one that may be hostile, making a friend might be the smartest tactical move available, which is why talking to anyone and everyone you meet is a good start.’
Everyone I have ever known who went to a war zone talks of the friends they made there – quick friendships forged in fear, and slow-burning ones developed over many, many months stuck in the same foxhole…or hotel. Those friendships will inform your stay, help you remain sane and maybe even save your life.
Zeina Khodr recommends: ‘Win over the people of the area. They are the ones who will save you, no one else. Except God, of course. In Tripoli, in Lebanon there are so many factions that it is hard to convince them you are independent. We took the time to get to know the hierarchy locally, in the shops, on the street. Halfway through a gunfight some people came up and put guns to our heads. A shopkeeper approached the men and said that we were good people and told them that I had been filming kids who were shot and that we were on the side of the people. They put down their guns and went away.’
The locals have to know that you are on their side, as James Brandon discovered: ‘In mid-2004 I found myself stuck in traffic in a taxi near the Iraqi oil ministry. US troops nearby had set up an impromptu roadblock on a main road that was holding up the traffic ahead. With the windows wound down, the Iraqis caught in the jam soon started talking to each other from car to car. Before long, they discovered I was a Westerner. To make friends, I joined them in complaining about the US troops who were holding us up. Temperatures rose and the traffic showed no sign of moving. Tensions soon began to mount. Complaints that were initially addressed towards the soldiers and towards the West in general were increasingly being addressed to me personally by the increasingly pissed-off Iraqis in the traffic jam. I had to show the Iraqis that I was in the same situation as them, and defuse the growing anger against me.
‘Taking a deep breath, I got out of the taxi and walked up to the US roadblock. In full view of the backed-up traffic jam, I had a loud argument with the troops on the inequities of their traffic policy, ignoring the soldiers’ guns that occasionally wavered towards my chest. The soldiers were, of course, unmoved by my arguments, but as I walked back towards the traffic jam, Iraqis gave me the thumbs up, patted me on the shoulder and offered me cigarettes. The moment of crisis had passed.’
But remain wary of fake friends. People will lie to you in order to get close to your fat wallet of dollars. They’ll tell you the stories you want to hear, rather than the truth, in order to win you over. They’ll lie about fellow workers in order to see them fired. They will lie about their qualifications and background in order to get a job they think might get them out of the country. And, worst of all, they might get paid to be your friend, in order to spy on you or lead you down a path to danger. Hoda Abdel-Hamid, an Al Jazeera English correspondent, told me about her dodgy experience:
‘I went to Iraq thinking, “I speak Arabic. I look like an Arab. No one will get me,” but I was just as vulnerable. We almost got kidnapped and killed on an empty university campus. Some guys circled us as we were interviewing someone. A professor called out of a window to warn us. She told us they were mujahideen [guerrilla fighters]. So we had been talking politely to our potential kidnappers. They were well dressed, well spoken and they had no weapons. We were going to follow them. Then all hell broke loose.’
Afghan jokes are impenetrable, so don’t try to make them. However, if you want to get in with a bunch of Afghans and they ask you any sort of question you don’t know the answer to, shrug and reply: ‘Because the sky is blue and the sea is green.’ When it is translated to them they will all fall about laughing and think you are quite the wit.
3/ Getting Around in a Dangerous Place
Be careful what you carry in a war zone. Take no detailed maps, no compass and no binoculars.
‘Let’s make it a journey,’ I said to my friend as we looked at the map of Mali and decided how we were going to get to Timbuktu for a music festival in the Sahara. There was a flight that would have plopped us a two-hour jeep ride away across the dunes. But instead it was adventure we sought, and boy did we pay for it.
A price agreed over the Internet was dismissed by our guide Aly Guindo when he picked me up from the airport. He had ‘forgotten to include the petrol’ and that was going to cost us $800 extra. Haggling was worthless; his gang had a monopoly on four-wheel drives, so we had little choice but to pay and go.
It was a beautiful morning as we rode through town, watching people set up their markets, crossing rivers busy with fishermen, passing mosques and churches sitting on top of each other. Aly talked of a four-hour drive to a world-famous mud mosque followed by four hours till dinner and sleep. Fourteen hot, sticky hours later he showed us our bed – a rooftop without a mattress or anywhere to hang a mosquito net. Or, we were told, ‘You can pay more money for a room.’ More money it was. And raucous laughter when we assumed the food was included (as they had told us when we made the deal).