«Qualé mermão? Beleza?» [quah ’leh merh ’mown beh ’leh zah]: «What’s up, buddy? Everything cool?»
Shake his hand, pat him on the back, give him the thumbs-up, and it will be the beginning of a great relationship. Be sure to indicate where you are seated, and he will keep those cervas coming. Don’t worry about digging into the lining of your shorts or your beach bag every time you feel thirsty. Your running tab will be settled when you make that first move to leave the beach. A true Carioca’s tab will be settled on a weekly basis. If you should opt for the weekly, or even monthly, tab — remember that beer vendors are also economists — your tab will most likely be adjusted on a daily basis according to current interest rates.
Step 8. Going for a dip: Eventually, after a few beers and your skin begins to feel crispy, it will be time to go for a swim. How quickly you get wet will be directly influenced by the water temperature and the number of beers and bottles of mineral water you have consumed.
1. Walk slowly down to the shoreline, continuously adjusting the bottom of your tanga.
2. Test the temperature of the water by getting your feet wet.
3. Between waves, walk in up to your knees and squat down far enough to just barely wet your buttocks.
4. Read just your tanga.
5. When the next wave approaches, hold your nose and dive under it, making sure to get back to the shoreline as quickly as possible before the next wave hits.
6. Readjust your tanga.
7. Bend over at the waist and throw your hair backwards and forwards three times to remove excess moisture.
8. Readjust your tanga while slowly returning to your spot.
1. Run to the shoreline and dive (or flip) into the ocean without stopping to consider the water temperature or the waves.
2. Body surf or swim for at least twenty minutes.
3. Stop at the shoreline to adjust your equipment. Then shake your hair back and forth to remove excess moisture. (This is also helpful in avoiding that «wet seal» look.)
4. Run back to your spot.
5. Although you are wet, don’t be tempted to sit in your chair. A male Carioca will always sit on the sand.
Step 9. Getting active: Now that you are fully energized after your swim, it is time to get active.
On a typical summer day, tens of thousands of Cariocas battle for their rightful place in the sun, on the sand, and in the water. This crowded scenario offers optimum conditions in which to indulge in the many beach activities available to the Carioca. You, too, can participate as long as you play by the rules.
The following are just a few of the beach activities available on a typical summer day in Rio:
• Surfando: Very popular around the world, this sport, also known as pegando onda (catching waves), takes on new meaning on the beaches of Rio. Riding down a wave while standing on a surfboard, the Carioca surfista will attempt to run over as many objects in his path as possible. Priority should be given to bodiboders and body surfers.
• Bodibodin: Also a very popular water sport, bodibodin differs from surfing in that the wave is caught while lying down on a bodysized, compressed rubber board. A bodiboder’s favorite targets are body surfers and other bathers. It is important to note that running over a surfer while bodibodin is the equivalent of signing your own death sentence, the only exception being if the bodiboder is a she.
• Pelada: A form of soccer, pelada (meaning «naked») is played with at least two people. Carioca men are very serious about playing pelada and will always find a way to participate, even if it means hobbling around on a broken or bandaged foot. The object of this game is to kick a soccer ball back and forth through the beach crowd. As more players are attracted to the game, teams can be formed and goals made by positioning chinelos (rubber sandals) approximately two feet apart. On crowded days the chances of throwing sand on bathers and hitting them with the ball is greatest, and so is the fun.
• Frescoboclass="underline" Reserved for those most crowded summer days, this racquet game is played on the shoreline where the sand is the firmest, and there is sure to be a constant flux of people walking by. Two players, each with a wooden racquet, stand approximately six feet apart and proceed to hit a small rubber ball as hard as they can back and forth, bouncing off as many people as possible without touching the sand.
• Volei: The only beach sport in which the participants actually pick an area furthest from the crowds, a skilled Carioca volei (volleyball) player will manage to include those bathers who are arriving or leaving the beach as his unsuspecting targets.
• Olha a asa! (Watch out for the hang glider!): Primarily played in Sao Conrado at Pepino (Cucumber) Beach, this «bather participation» activity is also available on Ipanema, Leblon, and Barra beaches, although on a smaller scale. Excellent for those days when you go solo to the beach, all you need to do is get comfortable, close your eyes, and listen for the password. When you hear «Olha a asa!», jump up, cover your head, then run towards the ocean.
• Body watching: The all-time favorite pastime for Cariocas anywhere, it takes on a whole new meaning at the beach (for obvious reasons)! All you need in order to play is a pair of dark glasses (optional for more discretion). The bodies are courtesy of the One Up Above, who, if you didn’t know by now, is also a Carioca. Obs.: There is a definite danger of whiplash while indulging in this game.
• Rangando (Eating): After so much activity you need never go hungry while at the beach, and the enormous number of beach vendors trampling around you will make sure you don’t forget it. Some beach delicacies that are available to choose from are:
The all-time favorite, though, amongst the truest of Cariocas is the biscoito de polvilho [bee ’skoy too gee poh ’vee lyoh] (air biscuit). These air biscuits are sold in packages of ten and come in two flavors — sweet and salty. What contributes to the success of this air biscuit is the mystery as to what it really is. Taking a bite of an air biscuit is like taking a bite of nothing, and the difference between the sweet and the salty is yet to be discerned. It is a good idea to eat these air biscuits accompanied by an ice cold cerva. Avoid eating them, though, when you are deep in conversation.
Step 10. Etiquette: If you think bumming a smoke, asking for a light, reading someone else’s newspaper, asking others to watch your belongings while you take a dip, borrowing suntan lotion and asking the person to rub it on your back are not examples of acceptable behavior at the beach, wake up and smell the coffee! How else would you ever approach that gorgeous gata or gatão?
Step 11. Meeting friends: When bumping into someone you frequently see at the beach, you should always achieve body contact (refer to Lesson 5, «Carioca Body Language») before saying: