«Qualé a tua?» («What’s the matter with you?»): Tilt your chin up, raise your eyebrows, move a Step forward, and turn both palms upward in an inquisitive manner.
«O negócio é o seguinte…» («The story is the following.»): Place your arm around the other person, slowly nod your head up and down affirmatively, and smile.
«Vainu nessa» («Let’s go»): Jerk your head to the side while moving your thumb in a hitchhiking fashion.
«Ué» («Hmmm»): Put your hand on your chin, then roll your shoulders forward and upward while opening your eyes as wide as possible.
«Pô, que saco!» («Boy, what a hassle!»): If seated, slap your knees with both hands, stand up, take two Steps forward, and then turn around before saying the phrase. If standing, throw both hands up several times in disgust while looking up before exclaiming, «Pô, que saco!»
Maneiro… (Interesting.): Slowly nod your head up and down, then smile contentedly.
Body contact: Body contact is essential. If you want to carry on a conversation like a true Carioca, just stand as close as possible to the other person, maintain eye contact, and make body contact at least once for every sentence you utter. Acceptable forms of body contact when conversing with a Carioca are:
• jabbing the forearm
• caressing the upper arm
• tapping the shoulder or back
• patting the cheeks
• squeezing the hands
• poking the chest (men’s only)
Body contact is never more important than when you greet another fellow Carioca. Whether it’s bumping into a friend on the street, joining a group of six for lunch, or walking into a party of twenty, it is imperative that you achieve body contact with each person individually.
For example, you walk into a restaurant and notice a friend having dinner with a group of people, all of whom you have never laid eyes on before. The following is the correct Carioca approach when greeting your friend:
Say «Oi» [oooo eeee] enthusiastically. This may be followed by «Tudo bem?» [too doo ’bayn]: «Everything OK?»
Kiss your friend on both cheeks (right cheek first please).
Move around the table kissing each person present on both cheeks, regardless if that person has just taken a bite of steak or is deep in conversation with someone at the table.
Ohs.: It is not necessary to make eye contact, or say your name or expect to hear theirs. As a general rule, women kiss women, women kiss men, and men kiss women. Men do not kiss men. The appropriate greeting between men is a handshake, followed by a few brisk, firm pats on the back with the left hand, then a prolonged lingering one-armed embrace.
Upon taking leave of this group, do the following:
Return to your friend and say, «Te ligo» («I’ll call you»).
Kiss your friend on both cheeks.
Move around the table kissing each person present on both cheeks. And remember: their right cheek first!
Carioca time
There is British time, American time, German time, Japanese time, and Brazilian time (among others). And then there is Carioca time.
Try to follow a tight schedule or set important deadlines while in Rio, and you will soon discover that you’re a candidate for an ulcer. Whether you’ve set up a business meeting, a dinner for four, a party for thirty, or simply a visit from the plumber to fix your kitchen sink, you will quickly realize that punctuality is not very high on the Carioca’s totem pole. In fact, unless being late would result in dire circumstances (such as a missed flight), the true Carioca will simply ignore any predetermined schedule and will arrive for a meeting or an engagement at his own convenience.
Show up on time for a Carioca cocktail or dinner party and you will find yourself talking to the wall or spending an hour or so making small talk with an embarrassed hostess. And in this case, you can be sure your hostess’ embarrassment was not caused by the tardiness of her other guests; she was simply not expecting your punctuality!
To avoid this sort of faux pas the next time you arrive on time for a Carioca «dinner-at-nine» party, instead of standing around alone examining the art in your host’s living room, simply slip out the back door, and go (why not?) to a movie. That will give you at least a two hour delay, sufficient time to get you back to the party for your new entrance at eleven o’clock, and right on time with the other guests. And don’t forget to pass by the nearest boteco for a few coxinhas or portions of batata frita (see Lesson 9, «Eating Out in Rio») after the movie to hold you over until dinner, which will be served punctually late.
The carioca nuance
Cariocas, by nature, tend to be extremely open, warm, and friendly. And to demonstrate their friendliness in social situations, you can be sure that they will never bid you farewell with a simple good-bye. It would be just too dry and not in keeping with their nature. If you want to come off like a real Carioca, always terminate your social encounters with one of the following:
• «A gente se vê.»: «See you.»
• «Te ligo.»: «I’ll call you.»
• «Aparece lá em casa.»: «Show up at my place any time.»
But remember! These phrases are NOT meant to be taken literally or seriously. In other words, you are in agreement:
• «We WON’T be seeing each other again soon.»
• «DON’T wait for my call.»
• «DON’T show up at my place.»
A real Carioca will use these phrases frequently and enthusiastically. But when they are directed at him, he will disregard them like a grain of sand on Ipanema beach. Therefore, follow up on any of the above phrases and you not only run the risk of feeling ridiculous, you stand a chance of losing your newly gained status as a local.
And other idiosyncrasies
As in most cultures, the male Carioca has his little habits that, although perhaps frowned upon in other parts of the world, are practiced with great gusto on his own turf. While waiting for a bus, having a cafezinho, standing in line, or catching a few rays at the beach — wherever — the Carioca male will habitually affirm his manhood by performing a continuous testicular jiggling routine. Beyond any scientific reasoning, this act is inevitably followed by an urge to spit, which the Carioca male will proceed to do in the most convenient spot available.
Lesson 6
Dressing and Undressing
Now that you are speaking like a true Carioca, it’s time you looked like one by dressing like one.
Dressing is an attitude, and nowhere will attitude influence attire as much as in Rio. Living in a casual city, a Carioca dresses for comfort, which is not to say that at any moment the importance of making a fashion statement is ignored. Whether it be a walk through the shopping center or down the streets of Ipanema, going to work, or simply going to the beach, a true Carioca is very aware of how he or she looks.
Ready to give up your Brooks Brothers suits, Coach bags, Ralph Lauren shirts, your Rolex watch, Burberry trench coat, and those Gucci shoes? How about your favorite rayons, polyesters, plaids, baggy shorts, and that bathing suit you bought last summer on the Islands? Good.