4. Do something else instead of engaging in the habit.
In addition, consider how you might introduce other sources of healthy positive feelings by:
1. Planning new activities that are consistent with your core values.
2. Contemplating the qualities you admire in other people.
3. Practicing gratitude for the things you already have in life. 1. EVALUATING THE CONSEQUENCES OF DESIRES
How do you identify which habits to change? Modern therapists often help their clients weigh the pros and cons of different courses of action in order to choose among them. Sometimes this is called a “cost-benefit analysis” or “functional analysis.” Of course, people with habits they want to break, such as overeating or smoking, normally say, “I already know this is bad for me!” Nevertheless, if you’re not sure something is a bad habit or an unhealthy desire, you should weigh the consequences of following the desire against those of exercising moderation or doing something else.
For instance, if you regularly watch television for an hour after work, what are the long-term pros and cons of that habit? What could you do instead that would be more consistent with your true values in life, and how would that work out in the long run? Some philosophers, as we’ve seen, claim that the mere act of exercising moderation could become more gratifying itself than indulging in bad habits. Alternatively, you may want to do a “substitute behavior” that’s high on your list of personal values but that might take a little effort to get done, such as phoning a loved one or reading a book. Remember, the purpose of this exercise is not just to reduce bad habits but to introduce more activities that are intrinsically valued and rewarding, like the Stoic virtues. For instance, if it’s important to you to be a good parent, schedule activities that allow you to behave in a manner consistent with this value. Embracing these types of opportunities will help you become more like the sort of person you want to be in life, even if it’s only for a few minutes each day at first. What would happen if you spent more time exercising the virtues you admire, doing things that you find inherently valuable and fulfilling, and less time indulging in the sort of habits that may feel pleasurable but aren’t actually good for you?
In fact, really thinking through consequences of behaviors and picturing them vividly in your mind may be enough in some cases to eliminate the behavior. Epictetus therefore told his students to envision the consequences of an action and determine how it would work out for them over time. We can observe Marcus employing this method, asking himself what each action means for him and wondering whether he’ll have cause to regret it in the future.15 As we’ve noted, the Stoics liked to break decisions down into simple dichotomies. In “The Choice of Hercules,” likewise, there are basically two paths forward:
1. The path of vice, or following excessive desires and irrational emotions (unhealthy passions)
2. The path of virtue, or exercising self-discipline and following reason and your true values in life
The Stoics often reminded themselves of the paradox that unhealthy emotions such as fear and anger actually do us more harm than the things we’re upset about. Likewise, learning self-control may ultimately do us more good than obtaining all the external things we desire. The virtues of courage and moderation improve our character and our lives in general when they are exercised wisely, whereas most of the things we crave just give us fleeting pleasure.
Therapists find it helpful to ask their clients of their habits, “How’s that working out in the long run?” Often that simple question is enough to motivate behavior change. However, what we’ll call Stoic “functional analysis” can be done much more thoroughly on paper. You might write down the short-term pros and cons of a course of action followed by longer-term consequences. Simply realizing that your desires produce negative results can sometimes change the way you feel and behave. Other times, though, you may need to picture repeatedly the negative effects of bad habits in a very detailed, clear, and vivid manner in order to change them. You may find it also helps to picture the positive consequences of refraining from the desire, mastering it, or doing the opposite of it. It can be helpful to visualize two paths ahead of you, just like the fork in the road that confronted Hercules: for example, quitting smoking versus continuing, exercising versus doing nothing. Spend time picturing how these two paths would grow apart over time, where they might lead you several months or even years from now.
Your primary goal at this stage is to identify which desires or habits you want to overcome and to be clear about the consequences of doing so. Your secondary goal is to boost your motivation by developing a strong sense of contrast between the two paths ahead of you and the benefits of change. Motivation is a well-established key to success when it comes to breaking habits, so it makes sense to begin by doing what you can to boost it. To break a habit you must have a desire for change. However, it’s possible to increase your desire for change, so that’s something you should work on. 2. SPOT EARLY WARNING SIGNS
Now that you’ve considered what sort of habits or desires might conflict with your values and be worth changing, your next step is to “catch them in the wild” by noticing when they’re actually happening. The key is to spot them early so that you can nip them in the bud. This requires patient self-monitoring, especially looking out for the early warning signs of the feelings or behavior you want to change. When done properly, this sort of self-monitoring is effectively a form of training in Stoic mindfulness.
Keep a written daily record of the situations in which you notice the desire emerging. This can be as simple as tallying each time you sense even the slightest inclination to engage in the habit, the first inkling of the desire. It could also be a more detailed record sheet, including rows with columns for the date/time, the external situation (“Where were you?”), the early warning signs you notice, and/or a rating from zero to ten of the strength of the urge and possibly also the level of actual pleasure you experienced if you gave in to it. If you find it helpful, you might also want to record any thoughts you had that facilitated or excused the desire, such as “Just this once won’t hurt!” or “I can always stop tomorrow,” or “I just don’t have the willpower.”
Your first goal should be to study yourself and identify the trigger or “high-risk” situations where the problem tends to arise. Maybe you eat junk food for comfort on particularly high-stress days at work or after you’ve had a fight with a loved one. Look for subtle early warning signs of the behavior that you’d previously overlooked. Become more aware of your thoughts, actions, and feelings so you can catch the desire emerging at an earlier and earlier stage. Look out for signs that typically precede the desire. To continue the junk food example, you may notice that you look at candy in the store and picture yourself eating it. If you’re a smoker, perhaps you become tense or fidget when you’re craving a cigarette. Simple things that people do when engaging in habitual behaviors are hard for them to detect, even though they may be quite visible to an observer—for instance, the expression on their face, the look in their eyes, the way they use their hands, and so on. These early warnings may include the sort of facilitating thoughts mentioned above, such as “I could do with a treat” or “Just this once won’t hurt.”
Many common habits that people want to quit turn out to be of the hand-to-face types, such as fingernail biting, smoking, drinking, or snacking on junk food. People often fidget with their hands before engaging in these habits, such as stroking their chin just before biting their fingernail. Noticing these precursors for the first time can often weaken the habit. A Stoic mentor or a friend you’ve enlisted would be an invaluable asset to you in situations like this. Instruct the person to bring the habit to your attention with a simple gesture like tapping their nose and walking away. People often find it very irritating to be lectured about something they weren’t even aware they were doing. If you’re working alone, you will need to act as though another person is carefully observing you and imagine what they might see.