The Stoics believed that vicious people fundamentally lack self-love and are alienated from themselves. We must learn to empathize with them and see them as the victims of misguided beliefs or errors of judgment, not as malicious. Marcus says that you should contemplate how they are blinded by their own mistaken opinions and compelled by them to act as they do—they don’t know any better. If you realize that, it will be easier to ignore their censure, forgive them, and yet oppose their actions when necessary. To understand all is to forgive all, as the saying goes. 3. NOBODY DOES WRONG WILLINGLY
This follows on from the previous point. It’s a statement of one of the central paradoxes of Socrates’s philosophy and was embraced by the Stoics: no man does evil knowingly, which also entails that no man does it willingly. Marcus gave Cassius the benefit of the doubt by assuming that at some level the usurper believed he was doing the right thing and was simply mistaken. In The Meditations, he says you should view others’ actions in terms of a simple dichotomy: either they are doing what is right or doing what is wrong. If they are doing what is right, then you should accept it and cease to be annoyed with them. Let go of your anger and learn from them. However, if they are doing what is wrong, then you should assume it’s because they don’t know any better. As Socrates pointed out, nobody wants to make mistakes or be deceived; all reasoning creatures inherently desire the truth. So if someone is genuinely mistaken about what is right, you should, if anything, feel sorry for them.
Everyone resents being called vicious or dishonorable. In some sense, they believe that what they’re doing is right, or at least acceptable. No matter how perverse that conclusion may seem, it’s justified in their own mind. If we constantly think of others as being mistaken rather than simply malicious, as deprived of wisdom against their wishes, we will inevitably deal more gently with them. Marcus therefore says that whenever you believe someone has wronged you, you should first consider what underlying opinions they hold about what’s right and wrong. Once you really understand their thinking, you’ll have no excuse for being surprised at their actions, which should naturally weaken your feelings of anger.10 Errors of judgment compel people just as much as illness or insanity, and we learn to make allowances for such people and forgive them on that basis. In the same way, we don’t judge children harshly when they make mistakes because they don’t know better. However, adults still make the same moral errors as children. They don’t want to be ignorant, but they act as such unwittingly and unintentionally.
Marcus thinks the rest of humanity deserves our love insofar as they are our kin. Yet they also deserve our compassion, he says, insofar as they are ignorant of good and evil, a handicap as severe as visual blindness. Our moral errors lead us into passions such as anger that easily spiral out of control. We should tell ourselves that other people are compelled by their ignorance to act as they do, and let go of our anger. When faced with someone whose behavior appears objectionable, Epictetus therefore advised his students simply to repeat this maxim to themselves: “It seemed right to him.”11 4. NOBODY IS PERFECT, YOURSELF INCLUDED
Remembering that other people are human, and flawed, can help you to receive criticism (or praise) from them in a more balanced and less emotional way. In a similar manner, reminding yourself that you’re not perfect either—none of us are—can help you to moderate your feelings of anger. It’s a double standard to criticize other people without acknowledging our own imperfections. Marcus therefore reminds himself that he too does many things that are wrong, and he is just like others in that regard. He actually recommends that whenever we’re offended by the faults of another, we should treat it as a signal to pause and immediately turn our attention to our own character, reflecting on the similar ways in which we go wrong.12 He makes the very honest psychological observation that he often refrains from wrongdoing himself only because he’s afraid of the consequences or worried about his reputation. Often all that holds us back from committing one vice is another vice, he says (another idea that goes back at least to Socrates). Many people refrain from crime, for instance, because they’re afraid of being caught, not because they’re virtuous. So even if we do not engage in the same wrongdoing as others, the inclination may still be there. Marcus was willing to hear Cassius out because, despite being emperor, he didn’t consider himself beyond reproach.
There are no gurus in Stoicism. Even the founders of the school—Zeno, Cleanthes, and Chrysippus—don’t claim that they were perfectly wise. They believe we’re all foolish, vicious, and to some extent enslaved to our passions. The ideal Sage is perfect by definition, but he’s a hypothetical ideal, like the notion of a Utopian society. Ironically, the very anger we feel toward those who offend us can itself be seen as evidence of fallibility on our part. Our anger proves that we too are capable of doing the wrong thing under the influence of strong emotions. Remembering that fallibility is the common lot of mankind—including you—can help diminish feelings of anger. When you point your finger in anger at someone else, remember that three fingers on the same hand point back in your own direction. 5. YOU CAN NEVER BE CERTAIN OF OTHER PEOPLE’S MOTIVES
We can’t read other people’s minds, so we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about what their intentions are. However, without knowing someone’s intentions, we can never really be sure they’re doing wrong. People can do things that appear bad for what they believe are good reasons. Marcus was actually an experienced judge in the Roman court of law as well as a good judge of character. He reminds himself that it’s necessary to learn a great many things about another person before we can deliver a firm opinion concerning their personality and motives—and even then we’re basing our conclusions on probability. In the same way, when it came to the civil war, Marcus took it for granted that he could never really know for certain what was in Cassius’s heart.
By contrast, anger assumes an unwarranted certainty about the motives of other people. Cognitive therapists call this the fallacy of “mind-reading”—leaping to conclusions about other people’s motives although they are always somewhat veiled from us. You should always remain open to the possibility that the other person’s intentions are not in the wrong.13 Consider that other plausible interpretations of their actions exist. Keeping an open mind will help you dilute your feelings of anger. 6. REMEMBER WE ALL WILL DIE
Marcus tells himself to focus on the transience of the events in the grand scheme of things. He suggests contemplating the fact that both he and the person with whom he’s angry will eventually be dead and forgotten. When viewed from this perspective, it doesn’t seem worth getting flustered by people’s behavior. Nothing lasts forever. If events will seem trivial in the future when we look back on them, then why should we care strongly about them now? This doesn’t mean that we should do nothing. Indeed, by remaining calm, we can plan our response better and take action. Marcus didn’t sit on his hands when Cassius instigated the civil war; he rapidly mobilized a huge army against him. He didn’t allow fear or anger to cloud his judgment in doing so, however.
The Meditations was likely written before the civil war, but when it occurred Marcus probably adopted the same philosophical attitude toward Cassius’s rebellion. Remember that this moment will soon pass, he says, and things inevitably change.
As we’ll see, the civil war turned out to be very short-lived. There are no surviving statues of Avidius Cassius. Few people today would even recognize his name, although he was technically an emperor of Rome, albeit for just a few months. One day, however, Marcus Aurelius will also be forgotten. He always kept that in mind when making decisions. He reminded himself not to worry about how future generations would judge him but to do only what reason commended as the right course of action. When we remember that nothing lasts forever, it no longer seems worthwhile getting angry with other people. 7. IT’S OUR OWN JUDGMENT THAT UPSETS US