Then the word lovesick lodged in her brain, and her smile dimmed some. The other women loved their mates to distraction. The emotion was etched on every one of their glowing faces, and shone in their eyes. And Ryon is my mate.
Do I love him? Can I, when I’m still not completely at peace with what I’ve become?
“Hey, did I say something wrong?”
“No,” she assured him. “Just thinking.”
“You looked really preoccupied for a few seconds.”
“Oh, it’s just . . .” She tried to think of how to explain.
“I know how hard this must be for you,” he said softly. “Believe me.”
Studying this man who’d been through such hell, she felt ashamed. “How did you deal with it? When you were turned, how did you cope?”
“I just did. I had no other choice. I woke up in a military hospital and I was changed. I had known for some time that I was a Dreamwalker, but now I was more than I’d ever been, with a wolf living inside me. I wanted to crawl out of my skin, or rip it to shreds with my claws, trying to get at the new beast that wouldn’t let me rest.”
“That’s how I feel, too. She wants to run, to hunt.” Daria gazed at her new friend, and saw complete understanding. “She wants to be free, and it’s so hard to rein her in. It’s weird and scary to have all of that wildness inside me. Not to mention ironic, considering my job.”
His brown eyes were sad. “As difficult as it is, remember you have a mate who’s a fine man to help you. We didn’t, and learning all of that alone was tough. I mean, we’re like brothers and we’re there for each other, but it’s not the same as having someone special to comfort you at the end of the day.”
Her heart went out to him. “I am grateful for Ryon. He’s been nothing but wonderful to me and I care about him very much.” She paused. “You’re going to have someone, too, one day.”
“Who’s going to want me?” he questioned, gesturing to the ruined side of his face.
“That’s not who—”
“Who I am? Is that what you were going to say?” He laughed, the sound hollow. Aching. “Even if my mate could get past how I look, it’s what’s on the inside that’s really fucked up. I don’t remember much about my time in that shithole with Bowman, but from what the doctors tell me, that could change anytime. The point is, I’m more messed up inside than out. No mate deserves to be stuck with me.”
“I won’t believe that for one second,” she said firmly. “You’re going to meet your special someone, and then you’ll eat those gloomy words of yours.”
“Wanna bet?”
Before she could respond, Ryon came jogging over, looking sexy as sin in his tight athletic shorts and sweaty tank top. She almost swallowed her tongue as he beamed at her.
“Hey, good lookin’! Some of the guys suggested going out to the Crosseyed Grizzly in a bit. Want to go hang out?”
“Sure, sounds like fun. Anywhere, as long as I’m with you.”
“Aww, how sweet.” Leaning over, he gave her a big, sloppy kiss as Micah made a choking noise. Ryon pulled back and winked at his friend. “Jealous?”
“Not on your life.”
But Daria knew the truth. Ryon missed the flash of pain on his friend’s face, but she didn’t. “Micah, are you feeling up to coming?”
Nick’s voice broke into their conversation. “That’s not a good idea. Micah needs to stay here and finish healing.”
Micah frowned at the approaching commander. “Don’t I get a say in the matter? I’m not ten years old, for cryin’ out loud.”
“Of course you do.” Moving to stand by the lounger, Nick laid a hand on the other man’s shoulder and gave him a kind smile. “But I have to discourage you.”
“Why?”
“Because it isn’t time.”
“I won’t drink if that’s what you’re worried about, boss. I know better than to do that when I’m still on meds.”
“That’s not it.” The commander sighed. “You know I don’t interfere with free will, but I’m suggesting you to stay here, just this once. You’re not supposed to be at the Grizzly tonight.”
Those cryptic words gave everyone pause. Nick was creepy like that sometimes, making statements that gave the hint that he knew much more than he was saying.
Micah stared at the older man for a couple of seconds. “Fine, I’ll stay here,” he said slowly. “Want to tell me what will happen if I go?”
“No. It doesn’t matter now. And since we’re both staying in, how about I trounce your ass on the Wii?”
“You’re on, old man.”
“Who’re you calling old, pup?”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”
The commander smiled, the tips of his canines showing. “More than you know.” He gave Micah a hand up, then turned to Daria and Ryon. “Have a good time.”
“We will,” she said. “See you later, Micah.”
“Later.”
As the two men headed back to the building, Ryon gave her a predatory look. “I’m all sweaty, and we’re going out.”
“So?”
“So, I need a shower first. Want to wash my back?”
A thrill went through her. “You don’t have to ask twice.”
Grabbing her hand, he took off, dragging her behind him as she laughed in pure happiness.
Nine
Ryon decided there was a lot to recommend slippery, soapy shower sex.
Pressing his mate into the tiles, buried balls deep in her while hot water streamed over their bodies, was just about the best feeling in the entire universe. Any way he could have her was fine by him. How had he ever lived without this? Without Daria?
Groaning, he emptied his seed inside her as she shuddered under him, squeezing every last drop from his length. Then he kissed the nape of her neck and nuzzled the soft, wet skin there.
“Am I forgiven?” She tensed, and he instantly regretted bringing up a tender subject. Too late now. He eased out of her and backed off some, allowing her to turn and face him.
“It’s not about forgiving you,” she said evenly. “In fact, what I’m going through is not about you at all.”
Hurt stabbed his chest. “I disagree. We’re in this together. You’re my mate, and what causes you to be unhappy does the same to me.”
Her expression softened and she touched his cheek. “I get that. And I don’t blame you for what happened to me because you would’ve given me the option to be turned if you could have.”
“That’s true.” He kissed her forehead.
“What I’m saying is you can’t magically make me happy with being part wolf.” Pausing, she searched his face. “Think back to when you were turned. Was there anything anyone said that made you accept it? Or did you just need time to get used to having your life turned upside down?”
“I needed time,” he admitted. “But I hope that getting me as part of the deal isn’t what’s making you unhappy.”
“Oh, Ryon,” she breathed. Softly, she took his mouth in a lingering kiss, twining her arms around his neck. “I am not unhappy with you. On the contrary, I feel pretty darned good about us. Can’t you tell?”
In truth, he’d been shutting off his awareness of their connection, afraid of being inundated with her scorn. Her anger. But her words encouraged him. Opening his senses tentatively, he found the golden bond stretched between them, thrumming with life. Some anxiety threaded through her emotions as she struggled with her wolf.
But much stronger was her affection for him, growing steadily into a richer connection. Every minute, she was falling deeper for him, and it both surprised him and took his breath away.