“You smell like smoke.”
I nodded. “Sebastian beat me back to the lumberyard and set it on fire.”
“With you inside?” She looked up at me with concern in her eyes that buoyed my hope that maybe she’d forgive me.
“I think he thought he was alone at the time, but who really knows with that guy?” I stroked my thumb along her soft cheek. “Apparently Sloan sent word to Nero that Fonthill was dead, and they sent Sebastian out to clean it up.”
She nuzzled into my hand. “I’m glad you’re all right.”
Without thinking, I bent to kiss her, drinking in the electricity her soft lips sent through my body. I closed my eyes, losing the rest of the world. Her fingers slid back into my hair as her mouth softened, our kiss sensual and slow. I never wanted it to end. Gradually, she drew back, her lips barely caressing mine.
I stared down at her as she brought her hand up to cup my cheek. She ran her trigger finger across my lips with a tenderness I knew she never let others see.
She let me in.
A single tear spilled down her cheek. I kissed it away and whispered, “I love you, Sasha.”
“Love won’t save my sister.” She shook her head. “And lies aren’t love.”
Another tear. I almost wished I could make her pissed at me again. Seeing her cry broke me worse than calling me names ever could. I caught the tear with the pad of my thumb. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
“I know.” She nodded. “But it doesn’t change where we are.”
“Please…” My gut tightened, my voice cracked with emotion. “Don’t do this.”
She shushed me, teardrops rolling down both cheeks. “How can I be with you, knowing I sacrificed my sister? I put her in danger’s path because I wanted to lure Fonthill out and have a future with you. I thought I learned from Sebastian’s betrayal and lies… But this time my sister will pay the price.” She shook her head slowly. “Please go.”
I gripped the blankets while my heart ripped in two. If I stayed it hurt her, but if I walked out that door… I couldn’t finish the thought.
“I don’t want this,” I whispered. “Tell me how to make this right, and I’ll do it. Anything.”
She muffled a sob and closed her eyes. “I want you to go.”
I raked my fingers back through my hair, trying not to lose my mind. “Sash, please. Don’t.”
“Just go.” She turned her head away from me.
My gut knotted. I had to honor her wishes or I’d be just as bad as Sebastian. I breathed in her scent one last time.
The other half of my soul and she wanted nothing to do with me.
I ground my teeth together and did what she asked. I got up and walked out of the room without looking back.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Sasha
Last week, I spent the full moon, watching over my sister. Jason pumped her full of sedatives before the Pack went to run. Since he didn’t understand how the mutation worked yet, he didn’t feel good about allowing Nadya to shift. For all we knew, she’d be shifting without the moon anyway. I was just glad her wounds could heal first without worrying about her tearing things open when she shifted.
Nightmares of Fonthill’s freakish wolf head still tormented me.
Nadya slept through the full moon without any issues, and I toyed with the thought of keeping her sedated once a month, but Jason claimed it would be cruel to the wolf inside of her and eventually lead to depression. I wouldn’t be able to protect her next month. She’d shift with the Pack. I didn’t want to think about it. Since the attack, her physical wounds had healed, but no one could predict what kind of changes she would be facing in the future.
For now, she kept helping Adam and Lana with the twins, although they insisted on paying her now, and I’d found us a house for rent. Since we weren’t sure about the progression of her conversion, she couldn’t go back to college yet. Jason stopped by after his hospital shifts to check her vitals, watching for any sign of psychosis. So far, knock on wood, she’d been fine.
Wish I could say the same for me.
I couldn’t keep thoughts of Aren from creeping into my head. I missed him, which left me angry with myself. I should’ve been focusing on Nadya. Thinking about Aren sent me diving into the bottomless pit of regret and guilt. I couldn’t change the past, but I could try to control my future.
Caring about another man who lied to me made everything I’d endured since I was bitten meaningless. I learned nothing.
I did the right thing, ending the relationship, but I wished it didn’t feel so wrong.
Most days I caught myself struggling to keep from quizzing Nadya when she got home to see if Aren had come by the ranch. When did I get so pathetic?
I rolled my eyes and went to the closet for my yoga mat. The forget-about-the-man-you-love pose still eluded me, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t keep trying.
I tied my hair back in a ponytail. My dark roots had grown out a couple of inches. I decided I wasn’t going to color it anymore. My hair had always been dark brown, not auburn. I was through pretending to be someone else. No more running and hiding from Nero. They knew who I was and where I was, but I wasn’t alone anymore.
Whether I was Aren’s mate or not, I was still in Reno, the Pack’s territory, so if Severino wanted me, he’d have to deal with the Pack. He had the resources of course, but it would be tough to keep the story out of the headlines if he took on an upstanding family like the Sloans and the rest of the Pack. It would be impossible to avoid investigations, even for a powerful man like Severino.
We might not be safe here forever, but it felt good not to live on the run any longer. It was starting to feel like home. Almost.
The doorbell rescued me from my thoughts. I grabbed my Glock and cracked the door open. I couldn’t be too careful.
My eyes widened a little when Lana stood on the other side.
“Can I come in?”
I nodded and opened the door for her. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you.”
But maybe I should have been. Suddenly I remembered our conversation when Aren and I first arrived in Reno. Lana had threatened me if I hurt Aren again.
“I brought you this.” She handed me an envelope.
I took it, perplexed. “Nadya could have brought this to me.”
“I know,” she said. I braced myself, preparing for Lana to give me a piece of her mind. “But I wanted to talk to you myself.”
“Is this the part where you tell me what a horrible person I am for hurting your brother-in-law? Because I think I’ve got feeling horrible covered already.”
She sighed. “You and Aren both.” Lana gnawed at her lower lip, glancing around at my boxes before meeting my eyes again. “Aren doesn’t know I’m here. In fact, I didn’t tell Adam or Nadya either, so whatever you decide, it’ll stay between us.”
“Fine.” I eyed the envelope, wishing I had some clue what was going on.
“Aren told me you said it was a mistake to trust him, and that he lied to you about the babies being shifters.” That caught my attention, but I didn’t look up. Lana plopped down on the sofa again and sighed. “Okay I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Aren is by far the best most genuine, caring man you will ever meet. I know it’s killing him to be apart from his mate, but he loves you enough to leave you alone because it’s what you told him wanted.”
“It’s no party for me either.” I rubbed my chest, wishing my heart would stop aching.
“I think you’re being a stubborn idiot, and if you let Aren slip away you will never forgive yourself.”
I shot Lana a glare. “Thanks for the tip.”
“I’m trying to help you.”