“What, for one less split we kill a guy?” Smoke Stack said.
“Yep,” I said. “And, hey, you fellas, what makes you think one of you isn’t next? Were you all in on the previous job? Are there some bodies in the woods somewhere?”
I could tell from the way a couple guys looked at Smoke Stack that I had hit a chord.
“You guys don’t listen to this shit,” Smoke Stack said. “And you, Donny. Ain’t I treated you right? I been more of brother to you than your own brother.”
“You mean you’ve kind of let him do what he wants,” I said, “because at the bottom of it all, you don’t care about him. He’s just a pawn. It’s tough being a father or mother or big brother, cause they got to tell you stuff you don’t want to hear, make you do stuff you don’t want to do. But you, you can just tell him everything’s all right, even when it isn’t.”
“I ain’t got to do nothing,” Donny said. “My brother, he ain’t much of a man.”
“And Smoke Stack is?” I said. “Your brother works his ass off for you. Butt wipe here steals what he wants and hangs out. Not a whole lot of manly in that.”
“I could snap you like a stick,” Smoke Stack said.
“No,” I said. “No, you couldn’t.”
“You talk tough with a gun,” Donny said. “I’ve seen what he can do. You ain’t so tough.”
“What?” Leonard said, grinning at Donny. “Smoke Stack? Tough? With some drunk, maybe? Some poor guy half in the bag. You think he’s bad because he has muscles and tattoos and cigarette breath. Hap here, on his worst day, could turn him inside out and make him say how much he likes it.”
“Ha!” Smoke Stack said.
I went over and gave Leonard my gun. Now he had one in either hand. I took off my jacket, hung it over the door knob of the door I’d kicked open.
“Why don’t I show you that he’s not so tough,” I said.
“That’ll be the goddamn day,” Smoke Stack said.
“This is, in fact, that day,” Leonard said.
Smoke Stack grinned at Leonard. “I get through mopping the floor with him, you’re next, nigger.”
“Oh, don’t make me wet,” Leonard said, then he waved the guns at the others. “All you assholes, except Smoke Stack, and you Donny, all of you over here and on your bellies. Make like fucking run-over snakes.”
They did what they were told. They lay on the floor on their bellies by the wall, lifted their heads up to see what was going on.
Leonard looked at them, said, “All you dick cheeses, all you move is your heads, savvy? Donny, you sit on the couch. You get a bird’s eye view.”
“Why we doing this?” Smoke Stack said.
“Because we can,” I said. “And because you think you’re tough as an old saddle.”
“You’re too old for me,” Smoke Stack said to me.
“Yeah, well, I’ll try not to hurt you too bad.”
“I think tough guy is starting to waffle, Hap,” Leonard said. “I think he’s looking for a hole to run into.”
Smoke Stack said to me, “We get started, it goes bad for you, your man will step in with the guns.”
“He’s got the guns to keep your friends in line. It goes bad for me, I’ll take my beating, and then we’ll leave.”
“Shit,” Donny said. “Think you can beat Smoke Stack, you’re crazy. I seen him whip two guys once, and one of them with a board.”
I felt a little nervous right then, because that old adage about how bullies are always cowards isn’t true. Sometimes they’re bullies simply because they can do what they say they can do, and they enjoy doing it.
Leonard said, “Yeah, but it ain’t how many guys he whipped, it’s the guys. Hap, he wasn’t one of those guys.”
“He whips Smoke Stack, hell, I’ll go with you,” Donny said. “That’s how much faith I got in him.”
Smoke Stack looked at the kid and nodded.
“All right,” I said. “I don’t whip him. You stay, and we’ll go, and we’re out of your life. You rob banks, you fuck goats, you do what you like. We’re done.”
“You’ll be saying stuff to folks you shouldn’t, like we’re going to rob a bank,” Smoke Stack said. “We wouldn’t want people believing something like that. You ain’t got no proof of nothing that way.”
“We’ll make it simple for you,” Leonard said. “You whip Hap, we’ll leave, and then, so you don’t cry at night, you can always come and try to kill us before we let the cat out of the bag. We’ll give you a whole two days. You got our word, and that’s better than yours, I’m sure.”
“I whip him,” Smoke Stack said, nodding at me, “then I’m coming for you. That’s gonna be a treat.”
“You don’t even know me,” Leonard said, then smiled at him. “And you don’t want to. But if Hap slips on a banana peel, then I’ll put the gun away, and me and you can dance all over this place.”
“Hey, Smoke Stack,” I said. “You gonna talk us to death, or you gonna show me what you got.”
There was a clearing between the people on the floor and the couch where Donny sat. Leonard was by the open door, pointing the guns. Smoke Stack moved forward, and as he did he crouched a little and put his fists up. He smiled at me, came closer.
He hooked a big right. I could have seen it coming with a bag over my head. I stepped into him at an angle and the punch went around me. I popped a jab in Smoke Stack’s eye, hooked him to the throat. He had his chin down, so the hook was a so-so shot. Still, he didn’t like it. He stepped back with a sputter, coughed a little, and came at me windmilling. I leaned way right when he was right on me, put out my foot and caught his ankle as he rushed. It catapulted him forward and into the wall and caused him to knock a hole in the sheet rock with his head, then to roll on top of his gang members.
When he got himself straight and turned, I kicked Smoke Stack in the balls so hard people in China had heart pains. I stepped in quick and gave him a left hand three stooge poke in the eyes, hit him with a right cross that came from hell without a bus ticket and that smacked against the ridge of his jaw. He twisted and went down and started to get up, but didn’t.
“You waitin’ on reinforcements, Smoke Stack?” I said.
“What he needs to get up,” Leonard said, “is a fucking winch truck.”
Smoke Stack finally got upright, rushed me with his head down, bellowing like a bull. I hooked my arm under his neck as he came and went back on my hips and kicked him in the nuts again and lifted him over me so that he hit hard on his back on the floor. I could hear the breath go out of him, loud as an elephant fart.
I flipped back so that I landed straddling him, slammed my forearm into his nose and chin. Once. Twice. Three times.
He quit struggling. I got up and looked down at him. His face was bloody. He rolled over on his stomach and started crawling away, like a roach that had had its rear end stepped on. Then he collapsed, quit crawling. He was unconscious.
Donny was looking at me with his mouth open so wide you could have turned a semi truck around in there.
Donny said, “Did you kill him?”
“Just his pride,” I said. “And maybe one of the two brain cells he had. That leaves him one so he knows how not to shit himself. Now, come on.”
Donny looked at Smoke Stack, then at me. “I don’t know.”
“We had a deal. You can come, or Leonard here will pistol whip the goddamn shit out of you and we’ll take you anyway. You can go without knots and bruises, or we can fix you up. You get to choose. And you get to choose right now.”
Donny nodded.
“We’ll be taking all your guns,” Leonard said. “We’re gonna make Donny crawl under the porch and bring them out. He’s going to do that without pulling one, so that way we don’t have to shoot him. You can check for your pistols at the bottom of assorted lakes, creeks and rivers. And if you follow us, I will personally shoot holes in your head and when they find you, your guns will be shoved up your asses.”