It was less than an hour since he’d given Trish a lecture about not looking back. Now he found himself having to heed his own advice. He had to move on. It was no longer going to be possible for him to finish the repeat experimental work: the paper would have to go off and take its chances with what data they had. The first thing to do would be to type the text into his laptop from the hard copy he had, and then update all the data. When that was done, he would need Frank to write a covering letter. It was essential that the paper be submitted with a statement giving the origin of the work as Edinburgh University and signed by a senior member of the academic staff. If he tried to submit on his own, Sutcliffe would disown both him and the research. With that clear in his head, the top of the agenda now was Valdevan. What was bad news for experimental work was good news for Caroline’s mother.
Gavin locked the lab door from the inside before opening his rucksack and moving quickly round the lab, collecting bits and pieces he might need: sterilising filters, syringes of assorted capacity and needles to fit, a few bottles of sterile distilled water and a couple of sterile beakers. He returned to Frank Simmons’ office to check the second-year medical students’ lecture schedule for that day, and found that Caroline would finish at 4 p.m. He was waiting for her when she emerged from the lecture theatre.
The other students seemed chatty and animated, but Caroline, when she appeared, seemed alone and preoccupied. She smiled wanly when she saw Gavin and kissed him on the cheek. ‘I wasn’t at all sure if I’d see you today.’
‘Let’s get some coffee.’
They made their way round to the student union.
‘Frank’s going to Australia,’ said Gavin as they sat down with their coffee.
‘What?’ said Caroline.
‘For six months.’
Caroline looked incredulous. ‘Why?’
‘I haven’t been able to ask him that. Apparently, he’s been taking what happened pretty badly.’
‘Understandable, I suppose — but Australia for six months? What’s going to happen to you and your research?’
‘We’ll have to send off what data we have and hope for the best,’ said Gavin. ‘Jenny says I’ll be able to talk to Frank in a couple of days or so, and I need him to write a covering letter. As for me, Sutcliffe’s given me the choice of a change to Jack Martin’s group with a change of project, or... out on my ear.’
‘That’s outrageous. What’s Frank playing at? He can’t let this happen.’
‘That’s what I keep thinking,’ said Gavin. ‘But every time I pinch myself, I find I’m awake.’
‘There has to be more to this than we’re seeing,’ said Caroline. ‘There just has to be.’
‘I’ve been thinking about what you said about treating your mother...’
‘Forget it. It was a crazy idea,’ said Caroline.
‘Your mother is probably too far gone to be helped.’
Caroline nodded.
‘If I use up the Valdevan on her, there will be none left to complete the experiments, if and when lab space should ever become available.’
Another nod.
‘There probably isn’t enough to treat your mother anyway.’
‘Gavin, you don’t have to explain...’
‘But we’re going to give it a try if you’re up for it.’
Caroline’s mouth fell open. ‘You’re serious?’
‘The sooner we get started the better,’ said Gavin. ‘But where will your father fit into all this?’
‘I can’t possibly tell him. I’ll have to give Mum the drug when he’s not around.’
‘Will you tell her what you’re doing?’
‘I think I have to. It’s important that we have her permission...’
In case things go wrong, thought Gavin, filling in the blank. But even with that proviso, he could imagine a hostile barrister mouthing the words: You preyed on the hopes of a desperate woman in order to carry out a wholly unlicensed experiment...
‘Getting her to agree won’t be a problem,’ said Caroline. ‘But...’
‘But what?’
‘The minute I tell her about this, her whole demeanour is going to change. No matter how much I warn her that it might not work — probably won’t work — she is going to cling to it like a life-jacket, because it’s the only hope she’s got, and that’s what people do in her situation. She’ll want to tell Dad. She’ll want him to share that hope.’
‘Presumably he’ll go apeshit if he finds out?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Your mother wasn’t going to tell him about her assisted suicide request.’
‘She could hide despair from him. I’m not so sure about hope.’
‘Sounds like we’re falling at the first fence.’
‘I could strike a bargain with her... I could tell her that if your idea fails... I’ll give her the help she wants, providing she doesn’t say anything to Dad about Valdevan.’
‘The stakes are getting really high.’
‘For all of us. When do we start? How do we do this?’
Gavin confessed that it was going to be guesswork all the way, but he could calculate the dose of Valdevan if he knew Caroline’s mother’s body weight. Caroline was able to tell him exactly, adding, ‘She was weighed at the hospital last Thursday.’
‘Then the only big unknown is the growth rate of the tumour,’ said Gavin. ‘Tumours grow at vastly different rates. Cell doubling time can vary from about twenty-five days to over a thousand, with an average of about a hundred. I’m assuming that, because she’s gone downhill so fast, your mother’s is at the fast end — bad for the patient but good for us — the faster the better. The sooner the cells take up the drug the sooner they’ll develop membrane damage and become susceptible to polymyxin. We’re only going to get one chance, so I think we have to give her as long as possible on the Valdevan and then give her the polymyxin. We’ve got enough Valdevan for fourteen days, maybe a bit longer.’
‘Whatever you say.’
‘When do you plan on going home?’
‘I’ll tell the university I’m going to have to drop out of my course for a few weeks and hope they’ll understand. All things being equal, I could go down tomorrow morning.’
‘I’ll prepare what you need tonight and write out instructions. I’ll meet you at the station in the morning?’
‘I don’t want to be alone tonight.’
Caroline returned to the flat with Gavin and together they prepared a pack for Caroline to take with her in the morning. Luckily, Gavin had held on to the polystyrene box he’d brought the drugs home from the lab in, so it could be restocked with ice and would keep drugs cool until Caroline got home. They talked a bit about the injection schedule and possible side-effects to look out for but, as no lab monitoring would be possible, this would all be subjective.
They went out for a meal to Bar Napoli, an Italian restaurant known for its easy-going Mediterranean atmosphere, in the hope that it might afford them some escape from the growing strain they were under, but to no avail.
‘I can’t believe I’m going to do this,’ said Caroline, playing with the food on her fork more than eating it.
‘We’re doing it,’ corrected Gavin.
‘I’m to blame. You’re only doing it because of me.’
‘It’s not a question of blame. It’s the right thing to do... when all’s said and done.’
‘What will you do while I’m away?’
‘I’ll write up the paper, adding in all the data I’ve gathered since Frank did the first draft, and then I’ll talk to him and get him to do the covering letter.’