Gradually Tryggvi’s heartbeat slowed and he lost consciousness.
‘All I remember is coming round,’ Tryggvi said, watching an empty coach pulling up to the terminal. It had started to rain and the sky was overcast in the south. Rainwater streamed down the windows.
‘What happened?’ Erlendur asked.
‘Nothing,’ Tryggvi said. ‘Nothing happened. I felt nothing, saw nothing. No tunnel, no light. No nothing. I fell asleep and woke up again. That was it.’
‘The experiment worked, then – they managed to… managed to put you to death?’
‘That’s what my cousin said.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘He went to do postgraduate study in the States and has lived there ever since.’
‘And Dagmar?’
‘I don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her since… since then. I quit medicine. Quit university. Went to sea. I felt happier there.’
‘Were you unhappy?’
Tryggvi didn’t answer.
‘Did they ever try it again?’ Erlendur asked.
‘I wouldn’t know.’
‘Did you make a full recovery?’
‘There was nothing to recover from,’ Tryggvi said.
‘And no God?’
‘No God. No heaven. No hell. Nothing. My cousin was very disappointed in me.’
‘Were you expecting some answers?’
‘Maybe. We were all a bit high on the excitement.’
‘But nothing happened?’
‘No.’
‘And there’s no more to tell?’
‘No. No more to tell.’
‘Are you sure? You’re not hiding something?’
‘No,’ Tryggvi said.
They sat without talking for a while. The cafeteria was beginning to fill up with customers. They sat down with their trays or cups of coffee at the empty tables and picked up a paper to look at before going on their way. From time to time announcements were made over the tannoy.
‘Since then it’s been downhill all the way,’ Erlendur commented.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Your life,’ Erlendur said. ‘It hasn’t exactly been easy.’
‘That has nothing to do with the stupid experiment, if that’s what you’re implying.’
Erlendur shrugged.
‘You’ve been coming here for years, I gather. Sitting here by the window.’
Tryggvi looked silently out through the glass and rain at something beyond the fading outline of the Reykjanes peninsula and Mount Keilir on the horizon.
‘Why do you sit here?’ Erlendur asked, so quietly as to be barely audible.
Tryggvi looked at him.
‘Do you want to know what I felt?’
‘Yes.’
‘Peace. I felt at peace. Sometimes I feel as if I should never have come back.’
There was a crash as someone dropped a glass over by the counter and fragments scattered all over the floor.
‘I experienced a strange sense of peace that I can’t describe, not to you or anyone else. Not even to myself. After that nothing mattered any more; not other people, not my studies, not my surroundings. Somehow life stopped mattering. I didn’t feel connected to it any longer.’
Tryggvi paused. Erlendur listened to the rain mercilessly lashing the window.
‘And since that peace…’
‘Yes?’ Erlendur said.
‘To tell the truth I haven’t experienced a moment’s peace since,’ Tryggvi said, watching the Keflavík bus pulling out of the forecourt. ‘I feel this constant need to be on the move, as if I’m waiting for something or someone’s waiting for me but I don’t know where and I don’t know who it is and I don’t know where I’m going.’
‘Who do you think you’re waiting for?’
‘I don’t know. You think I’m mad. People think I’m weird.’
‘I’ve met weirder people,’ Erlendur said.
Tryggvi continued to watch the Keflavík bus.
‘Aren’t you cold?’ he asked again.
‘No,’ Erlendur said.
‘It’s a strange feeling, watching people leave,’ Tryggvi continued after a lengthy silence. ‘Watching them climb on to the buses and the buses driving away. People leaving, all day long.’
‘Do you never want to take a trip on them?’
‘No, I’d never go anywhere,’ Tryggvi said. ‘Not in a million years. I’d never go anywhere. I wouldn’t let myself be taken anywhere by bus. Where are those people going? Tell me that. Where are all those people going?’
Afraid that Tryggvi was losing the plot, Erlendur tried to keep him on track a little longer. He looked at the dirty hands and elongated face and it occurred to him that this was probably the closest he would ever come to meeting a ghost.
‘So it was your cousin who now lives in America, a girl called Dagmar and another bloke you called Baddi. Who was he?’
‘I didn’t know him,’ Tryggvi said. ‘He was a friend of my cousin’s. I don’t even remember his proper name. He studied drama before he took up medicine. He was known as Baddi.’
‘Might his name have been Baldvin?’
‘Yes, that was it,’ Tryggvi said. ‘That was the name.’
‘Are you sure?’
Tryggvi nodded, an unlit cigarette drooping from the corner of his mouth.
‘And he’d been at drama school before?’
Tryggvi nodded again.
‘He was a friend of my cousin’s,’ he said. ‘He was a real actor type. I trusted him least of the lot.’
19
The woman looked surprised when she opened the door to Erlendur. A gale had blown up, blasting cold, dry air from the north. Erlendur hugged his coat more tightly around him as he stood on the doorstep. He had not called ahead and the woman, whose name was Kristín, stood blocking the doorway, wearing an obstinate expression as if she had no intention of accepting this unannounced visit. Erlendur explained that he was trying to find some information about what had happened when María’s father had died. Kristín said she couldn’t help at all in that case.
‘Why are the police digging this up now?’ she asked.
‘Because of the suicide,’ Erlendur said. ‘We’re taking part in a joint Nordic study on the causes of suicide.’
The woman stood in the doorway without speaking further. María’s father Magnús had been her brother. His friend Ingvar had suggested that Erlendur talk to her, since he thought it not unlikely that Leonóra might have told her something about Magnús’s fatal accident on Lake Thingvallavatn. Kristín lived alone. Ingvar said she had never married, had always lived alone and probably wasn’t that keen on visitors.
‘If I could just come in for a moment,’ Erlendur said, stamping his feet. He was cold. ‘It won’t take long,’ he added.
After an awkward pause Kristín finally gave in. She closed the door behind them, with a shiver.
‘It’s unusually cold today,’ she remarked.
‘Yes, I suppose it is,’ Erlendur replied.
‘I don’t know why you’re digging it up after all this time,’ she said again, seeming far from happy as she took a seat with him in the sitting room.
‘I’ve been talking to people who knew María well and some information has emerged that I wanted to run past you.’
‘Why are the police investigating María? Is it usual in cases like this?’
‘We’re not investigating her,’ Erlendur said. ‘We’re merely processing the information we’ve received. The incident at Lake Thingvallavatn was investigated at the time and the series of events is perfectly clear. I’m not going to look into that any further. The verdict of accidental death will stand unchanged.’
‘What are you after, then?’
‘Let me emphasise what I said: the verdict will not be changed.’
Kristín still did not cotton on. She was in her sixties, pretty and rather fragile, with short, wavy hair. She stared at Erlendur with a suspicious gaze that indicated she was on her guard.
‘Then what do you want from me?’ she asked.
‘Nothing you say to me now or later will change the verdict that your brother’s death was accidental. I hope you understand that.’