Giacomo Sartori
I AM GOD
For Piuma Lange,
who having passed on a weakness for the page,
then bequeathed me her indomitable fragility.
Is it not a paradox that the Christian Religion has in large part been the source of atheism or more generally of religious unbelief? Yet I think that is the case. Man is not naturally incredulous because he does not reason much and does not care a great deal about the causes of things.
Whatever their religious affinities, many today don’t seek a God they can comprehend rationally, to whom they address themselves as to a person. They seek a more mysterious, more impersonal God, one that eludes the human intellect.
I HAVE NO NEED TO THINK
I am God. Have been forever, will be forever. Forever, mind you, with the razor-sharp glint of a diamond, and without any counterpart in the languages of men. When a man says, I’ll love you forever, everyone knows that forever is a frail and flimsy speck of straw in the wind. A vow that won’t be kept, or that in any case is very unlikely to be kept. A lie, in other words. But when I say forever, I really do mean forever. So let that be clear.
I am God, and I have no need to think. Up to now I’ve never thought, and I’ve never felt the need, not in the slightest. The reason human beings are in such a bad way is because they think; thought is by definition sketchy and imperfect—and misleading. To any thought one can oppose another, obverse thought, and to that yet another, and so forth and so on; and this inane cerebral yakety-yak is about as far from divine as you can get. Every thought is destined to expire from the moment it’s hatched, just like the mind that hatched it. A god does not think—that’s the last thing we need!
A spiral galaxy is a spiral galaxy, a white dwarf is a white dwarf, a platyhelminth of the class turbellaria is a platyhelminth, class turbellaria, while I on the other hand am God. These are the facts. Don’t ask me how I came to be God, because I myself have no idea. Or rather I do know, just as I know everything, but it would take eons to put into words, and quite frankly, I don’t think it’s worth it. My rank (let’s call it that) alone guarantees a certain degree of credibility.
A god does not watch, does not wait, does not listen. Does not feed, crave, or belch. A god is engaged in something human language cannot express, composed of all the actions (and all the non-actions) that all the languages together can pronounce, but also all those inexpressible in words. And thus surpasses both the first and the second. You might say that a god is, if only the verb “to be” were a pale shadow of my real existence (call it that), which is above all sense. I am the meaning of everything.
Of course the platyhelminth and the Sun, which as everyone knows is a yellow dwarf, are in some ways also divine, given that I created them. If someone were to call them God I certainly wouldn’t be offended. But if many past civilizations considered the sun a god, so far as I know not even the most radical animists among humans ever made a divinity of a necrophagous worm. I wish someone would explain to me why; the way I see it, there’s no reason at all why a paltry little star (the sun) can be a supreme being, and the platyhelminth, no. I mean, we need to talk about this. But for simplicity’s sake (start nitpicking here and we’ll never get anywhere), think of me as distinct from the red dwarfs and the platyhelminths. Think of me as God, period. Anyone can picture God.
I myself don’t even know what made me decide to speak (or more properly, write). No one forced me, it wasn’t a question of burning need, I wasn’t feeling lonely, didn’t have anything to give vent to, or to hand down. Wasn’t bored, didn’t feel a desire to hear (as it were) my own voice. Wasn’t in search of a new experience (for me, a meaningless expression), wasn’t hoping to become a media star (the latter-day Paradise that humans now lust after). Wasn’t even seeking to be understood. God has no need of such trifles. So let us say: I do not know. In truth, omniscience means that I do know. It would require about ten interactive encyclopedias with billions of entries and cross-entries to explain the matter with enough clarity and simplicity so that humans could understand (humans are not all that smart), but it could be done. I just don’t see the point of such a hermeneutic exercise.
SODOMATRIX ON A BIKE
A god does infinite things, as everyone knows, but at the same time, paradoxical as it may seem, a god has nothing particular to do. He’s no layabout, but neither is he a bean counter punching a time card morning and night, and even less a workaholic. He does what he must without stress and without fatigue, without making too much of it. In some ways without even being aware of it. A god in the first instance is simply busy being god. He watches, he listens, although his watching and listening have nothing in common with that of humans. I am god, he thinks.
I contemplate, I listen. I observe, for example, the galaxy called the Milky Way, and more precisely what is called the Solar System, and even more precisely, the planet Earth. My eyes (if you know what I mean) fall on a very tall girl (everything’s relative) in a high-tech cowshed, the polar opposite of a bucolic nativity scene. I see her introduce her gloved hand into a cow’s anus and with a rapid rotary motion of the wrist, extract a handful of feces the consistency of mud from the big rectum. She then cleans off the animal’s swollen vulva, spreads it open and inserts the point of an instrument that looks in some ways like a syringe, in other ways like a handgun, pushing to penetrate the beast and rotating her hand from time to time. Then she once again sticks her left fist up the backside, this time following through with the entire arm, right past the elbow. The way you might lean way over to pick up some object that has fallen behind the sofa.
I really can’t explain why, among the many, not to say infinite, possibilities out there, my gaze always seems to come to rest on the Milky Way. And why within the Milky Way, which is really not so tiny, my sights are trained on the Solar System, and particularly on that two-bit planet that’s barely visible, Earth. And why on Earth, infinitesimal as it is and provided with many other attractions, my eye zooms in on the tall girl with two purple pigtails who at every opportunity is shoving her arm up a cow’s ass. The universe teems with dazzling inlets and vast panoramas, with rarefied interstellar wastes, abrupt flourishes of incandescent gases, wells of blackest void. And yet without my being aware, my gaze (let’s keep calling it that) darts down to the Milky Way and homes in on the arm in the backside, and the long, bespectacled face of the giantessa performing the operation, who wears the grave expression of someone carrying out an important task, of someone praying.
The big beanpole in farmworker’s overalls has her arm deep in the cow’s entrails, right up to the shoulder. The bovine allows herself to be sodomized (I can’t think of another term for it; fisting sounds pornographic) without even a sigh, being a peaceful animal. Among all those I created (even before the so-called domestication, which is to say, slavery), cows were and are the most pacific. Many another beast would have mauled the sodomatrix or injected her with a deadly venom, or at the very least delivered a big, hind-leg kick, but the cow stands there patiently like a human waiting for the bus at the bus stop.