“The ME thinks her killer shoved her face in a toilet,” Noah said. “We need to see those study files, Eve. We need to know what these participants said they feared, and as soon as we request the subpoena, your role in this will come out.”
“I know.” She hesitated. “I can get the files for you faster.”
Jack frowned. “And more secretly?” he asked pointedly. “And more safely for you?”
Noah glared at him yet again. “Jack.”
“No, you listen. Anything she gets by hacking is poisoned fruit. The DA will throw any arrests out like yesterday’s garbage and us with it. No hacking. We do it by the book.”
There was an anger in his partner’s voice that Noah wasn’t sure he’d heard before, but before he could get closer to its cause, Eve spoke, calmly, coolly.
“My role in all this will come out, Detective Phelps. That’s a given at this point. I’ll be taken before the committee and probably thrown out of the program. If that happens, I’ll be blackballed from any other program. I think it’s safe to say my career is over, so secrecy-and safety-for myself isn’t my main concern.”
“So what is your main concern?” Jack asked, his voice also cool.
“That you not show your hand to this monster too soon. If he knows you know his MO, he’ll change it. He will kill again. It gives him… pleasure.”
A shiver went down Noah’s spine, not from her words, but from the way she said them, almost as if she were in a trance. “How do you know that it gives him pleasure?”
She looked away, the spell broken. “It just makes sense. Get your subpoena for the files if you like. I don’t know what the file names are, but I can get you a description. That should speed your warrant. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to go home.”
Tuesday, February 23, 10:35 a.m.
“You didn’t have to walk me up, Detective,” Eve said as she let herself in.
Noah followed her inside her apartment, closing the door behind him. She’d become formal again. He’d liked it much better when she’d relaxed her guard and wondered how to get her to do it again. “Yes, I did. Where’s Hunter?”
“Probably buying roofing supplies.” Her smile was brittle. “I’m fine, as you can see. Your partner is waiting for you, so go.” She went to the window and stood, eyes closed.
“I’ll go in a minute.” He stood behind her, wanting to touch, but knowing she didn’t want him to. “I know you weren’t offering to get us access to protect yourself.”
“Don’t be so sure your partner wasn’t right,” she murmured. “Maybe I was.”
He gave in to the need to touch her, grasping her shoulders gently. She tensed, but her face reflected in the window remained unmoving. He kneaded, wishing he could turn her around and kiss her again. She’d know it was real this time.
But he didn’t, instead dropping his hands to his sides. “I don’t want you here alone.”
She shrugged. “It’s much more likely Buckland was here last night, and not your killer. He’d been following you and latched on to me.”
“Still, if Buckland prints your name, the man who killed three women will know you are involved. Then he may come after you.”
Her mouth firmed, her chin lifted. “I hope he does. I’ll be ready for him.”
Alarm had him frowning. “Eve, this isn’t the virtual world where you can kick ass as Nemesis or Greer. This is real. He’s killed three times. He won’t blink at four.”
“Which is why as Eve,” she said, with a calm that rattled him, “I have a very real gun and I know how to use it. It goes with the whole survivor thing.”
He knew he should go, but didn’t. “What else goes with the survivor thing?”
“Different things. I wasn’t always like I am now. I sat in the dark for two years after my assault. Never looked in mirrors and didn’t leave the house unless I had to, and when I did it was under an inch of makeup because I was afraid.”
“Of?” he asked softly.
“Of the way people looked at me. I was young, before. Pretty. Then, I was a freak. Scarred. People stared in horror, grateful it hadn’t happened to them, scared that it could. Nobody looked me in the eye. Once I made a child cry, he was so afraid of me.”
She’d dropped her eyes, shame in her voice and Noah’s heart squeezed so hard it hurt. But there was nothing he could say that she’d want to hear, so he stood, helplessly listening. After a moment she lifted her gaze, meeting his reflected in the glass.
“My world was in the computer. It kept me connected to people, and in many ways it kept me sane. When I finally got the courage to come out of the dark, helping people to break free like I did became more than a wish. It became my purpose. People need purpose, Noah. That’s a survivor thing, too.”
“I know,” he murmured. And he did know. “But I don’t want you to get caught.”
“I’m going to get caught, Noah. I’ll have to give up what makes me get up in the morning.” She swallowed hard. “And it’s killing me. But if I stand by and do nothing, I slide back into the dark. I can feel it, always there at my back, luring me back to where it’s safe. But even though it’s safe, it’s not right. I can’t expect you to understand that.”
But he did, more than she knew. In his mind he could see himself clawing his way out of the bottle. Out of the dark. Trying to escape the demons that had driven him there. Every day he had to renew that resolution. Every day he staved off the dark.
One day at a time had always seemed like a corny metaphor. Until it became his life. “I do understand.” He made himself smile. “It’s why I drink tonic water.”
She drew a quick breath, her eyes widening. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
He brushed his palm down her arm, just once. “I didn’t want you to. But you’re not alone and I do understand. Will you keep trying to get into the Shadowland files?”
“Do you want me to?” she asked and he carefully considered his answer. She had a purpose and he suspected she’d sacrifice a great deal to keep that purpose alive. But right now, he was more concerned about keeping her alive. And out of jail.
“What I want is to stop this guy before he kills anyone else. Including you. But I don’t want you to break the law. Jack is right on that. Nothing you give us that’s a product of an illegal enterprise can be used in court. We could catch him, but have to let him go. And, Eve, if you did something illegal, I couldn’t protect you either.”
“I don’t expect you to.” She turned suddenly, looking up with eyes that were almost black. Intense. He couldn’t have turned away had he tried. “Do you want me to stop?”
Desire surged through him like a storm and he tightened his hands into fists to keep them to himself. This is not the time, Webster. Focus. “Are you close?”
Her dark eyes flashed dangerously. She felt it too. “Very.”
He made himself think of Martha and Christy and Samantha. He thought of Eve, drawn into this mess because she couldn’t, wouldn’t look away. Then he thought of the other names on her list and wondered who would be next because a killer was playing a damned game. “No,” he whispered hoarsely. “I don’t want you to stop.”
She settled. “All right then. I’ll call you when I have something I think you can use.”
Cautiously he lifted his hand to touch her cheek. “Earlier, in the Deli…”
Her cheek grew flushed beneath his fingertips. “It won’t happen again.”
“Yes, it will. And when it does, it won’t be an act. For either of us.” He took a step back, dropping his hand from her face. “I need to go.”
She nodded, unsteadily, making his blood churn. “Don’t forget your hat.”
Noah took his hat from the bookshelf where he’d left it the night before. Questions filled his mind, too many to ask. But she’d opened the door to her life and he’d ask a question before she closed it again. “I read about what happened to you six years ago. But I couldn’t find anything about why. Why did that man try to kill you?”