Commitment. The thought gave him the shakes. And now he’d be surrounded by it for three days. Seventy-two hours of people oohing and ahhing and blotting their tears because the happy couple was just so damned…happy
Maggie hooked her arm in his as his pacing brought him back in her direction, walking with him now toward the Hudson News across from the gate’s seating area. “Because, sweetie. Technically, I need a plus-one. Griffin’s doing all that best-man stuff, and with Jordan and Noah in the wedding, too, who’s going to hang with little ol’ me?”
Miles stopped to face her just as they entered the shop, his whole demeanor softening when he looked at his best friend. Maggie’s smile was tentative, and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin this trip for her. She was nervous enough as it was, this trip putting a twist into her carefully constructed schedule.
He smiled back and watched her shoulders relax.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You know I would do anything for you, and I’m happy to do this. It’s just—”
Maggie interrupted. “You miss Paige.”
Miles sighed. She was half right. Although things had gotten more serious with his most recent ex than he’d ever expected—and while it did kind of suck that she moved to California—he was more relieved than anything else. Miles missed having someone to talk to at the end of a long shift. He missed the regularity of someone in his bed. But he’d never been one to set down roots, so yeah, Paige planting hers across the country saved him from having to deal with that.
“Sure, I miss her,” he said, thumbing through the paperbacks on an endcap.
“Mi-iles…”
Shit. He knew Maggie was onto him when she did that two-syllable thing with his name.
“Mags?” He kept his eyes on the half-naked couple posing on the cover of a book.
“Spill it, darlin’. Something’s up, or else we wouldn’t be hiding out in the gift shop when I’m dying to introduce you to Jordan and Noah.”
She pulled the book from his hands and placed it firmly back on the shelf. He groaned and faced her.
“I don’t do weddings, Mags. I mean, I’m happy to do anything for you, but as a general rule I’ve got a pretty firm negative on the whole watching-two-people-pledge-their-lives-to-each-other thing.”
She rolled her eyes. “God, Miles. I thought this thing with Paige was going to suck some of that cynicism out of you, but I guess I was wrong.”
He cupped her face in his palms.
“Sorry, honey. Still filled to the brim.”
She backed away, crossing her arms over her chest.
“What if…what if when you and I…” She pointed back and forth between them. “Wow. I’m glad we didn’t work out. I’d have just been another notch on your bedpost.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. How did letting a little bit of honesty through turn into Maggie being pissed at him? Miles crossed his arms right back at her, narrowing his eyes.
“You didn’t,” he started and waited for her to object, but she said nothing. “You didn’t fall for me, Mags, because you knew you wouldn’t, just like I knew I wouldn’t fall for you.”
“But…”
He didn’t let her finish.
“But nothing. It was safe—for both of us. That’s why we let it happen, and that’s why we never let it go any further. We love each other too much to mess with a good thing.”
Maggie’s shoulders sagged, and he knew he’d won, but that didn’t stop the twist of guilt in his gut. He didn’t want to deflate her spirit just to prove a point, but he also knew he played by different rules than she did. Maggie was a hopeless romantic at heart. It just took meeting Griffin to get her to step out of her safe zone. Miles had stepped out of the safe zone years ago, and all it did was teach him that loving someone wasn’t enough, not in his experience. He hoped it worked for Maggie. He’d never seen her happier, and he actually liked Griffin, who got how special Maggie was. He wasn’t against kicking the former rich boy’s ass if he hurt his best friend, but if there was one couple Miles was rooting for, it was them.
“You know what?” she asked, grabbing his hand and squeezing it in hers. “Playing it safe? It wasn’t living. You’re the one who told me that.” She rested a hand on his chest, the left side, just over his heart. “I know everything about you, Miles. Everything except for who messed you up so much in here.”
He cleared his throat, plastered on one of his patented grins, and pulled her out of the shop.
“I’m the psych PhD candidate, honey. Not you. Not everyone has some big story of heartbreak to psychoanalyze. Some of us simply like all play and no work. How about you let me be that guy?”
He led her toward the gate, the taste of the lie sour on his tongue. Safe meant never again having to explain away his partner’s unfounded jealousy in relation to his bisexuality. Safe meant enjoying another’s company without fear of attachment. Safe meant never giving your heart to another just so that person could use it up, suck the soul from it, and return nothing but the shell of what it used to be.
Maybe safe wasn’t truly living, but Miles had been doing it for so long he’d forgotten what living felt like anyway.
They crossed the short distance back to the gate where Griffin now sat with two gorgeous brunettes—one female and one male—both smiling at his and Maggie’s approach.
Maggie squeezed his hand again.
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll let you be that guy…for now. For this trip. Because that’s what the next few days are all about. Fun. Play. But this conversation isn’t over.”
“Noted,” he said quietly as they came into earshot of their traveling companions. He’d take this short reprieve, and maybe when they got back, he’d tell her about Cole, the only secret he’d ever kept from her. Right now he plastered that grin in place and continued with the Miles Show everyone seemed to adore.
He dropped Maggie’s hand and held it out toward the new members of the group who, along with Griffin, stood on their approach.
“You must be Noah,” he said, and Noah nodded as he shook Miles’s hand.
“Guess that makes you Miles,” he said.
Miles turned toward the woman to Noah’s right and bent to kiss her on the cheek. “The lovely Jordan Brooks I’ve heard so much about.”
Jordan’s cheeks flushed pink, and he watched the slight twitch of muscle in Noah’s jaw as Griffin’s eyes darted to the floor.
That, he thought. That’s what I’ll never have to worry about again. Jealousy. Trust. Miles had his heart broken once because of both, and once was enough to know he wasn’t putting himself out there again. Here was the proof, two happy couples who still let that shit get in the way. It was poison. He knew how much Griffin loved Maggie and was certain Noah felt the same for Jordan. But three years hadn’t erased the tension between the two guys who once loved the same girl. And three years certainly hadn’t erased Miles’s memory of how it felt to constantly reassure Cole that he loved only him, that he didn’t want to fuck every beautiful man or woman who he passed on the street. Gay, straight, bi—none of that shit ever mattered to Miles. He didn’t do labels. He had just always followed his heart. But Cole didn’t get it. He thought being true to his heart meant Miles could never truly be faithful. Miles never cheated, but the one man he loved assumed he would. Miles had always been proud of who he was. Only now he was proud with a dash of bitter and a pinch of fear. He hated Cole for doing that to him. But at least it protected him from getting hurt again. That was the trade-off.
He’d smile for Maggie…and for the rest of the crew, but inside he was bah-humbugging the shit out of his current situation.